Thursday, May 25, 2006

'Wish i'd died, instead of lived. A zombie hides my face...'
So...now that im all done with commenting everyone i guess ill post something for you!

ugh...i dont kno guys...the depression's kicking in really badly this week. All i want to do is hang out with Craig for Memorial Day weekend, but i think mom doesnt want me too....Shes telling me that i hang out with him every weekend -which i do...- but weekends r the only time i get to see him! I was really looking forward to seeing my boyfriend this weekend and getting to hang out with his family....I absolutely adore his family. When im around them, i actually feel like i belong in a family....When im at my house, i feel like i dont belong...i feel like im just there to get yelled at, or hit, or fucking put down by their words. i fricking came home yesterday and showed my mom my 98% that i got on my Constructions Math test (which i thought was dreadfully hard) and all she says to me was "u can do better" and she walked away....Thats the best grade ive gotten in math all year!!! Fuck, i dont kno what the bitch i call my mother is getting strug up on but she needs to just fucking die...i kno it sounds horrible to hear me say that, but as i sit in school today, all ive thought about is how much i love my boyfriend and how i cant wait to see him on the weekend, but then i think about mom and what she was saying to me....everytime i think this,i feel the feeling of hate getting stronger and i dont kno when im just gonna fucking blow up and punch the bitch in the face, or leave the house, or worse, but idk.....

Ive been listening to this song alot lately and i think it explains me completely...
Its called "Bother" By StoneSour:

-Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit-



If u really read this all the way through, then u can comment me, but if u didnt enjoy my shitty post, then dont bother.


im srry that ive been moody and mean sounding but i just cant take it anymore...
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