myOtaku.com: abc kid

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1985-04-28
Gender
• Male
Location
• Texas
Member Since
• 2004-09-29
Occupation
• Student
Real Name
• Demeterius

Personal

Achievements
• Most Outstanding Acheivment, Texas Scholar Recommended
Anime Fan Since
• 1995 or 1996 and so on
Favorite Anime
• Gundam Wing, Tenchi Muyo, The Irresponsible Captain Tylor, FLCL, G Gundam, Cowboy Bebop, Digimon, The Slayers, G-Force, El Hazard
Goals
• Animation, Comic Illustrator
Hobbies
• Drawing, writing, playing video games, and wrestling
Talents
• Other than drawing, I've learned the bridge

myOtaku.com: abc kid

Monday, June 13, 2005

Why does it feel that my mind is going in circles?
Not to say I'm confused or anything, but I don't understand why I felt so miserable this weekend. For some reason, I began to doubt myself as a person. No, it wasn't that someone told me the wrong thing and just ticked me off at that certain moment. I was extremely upset and I couldn't understand why it was such the case. Feelings of regret and lost started to steep within my soul, just as I was about to let my emotions out. The depth of the past haunted me, just as I was about to move on in life. It was hard to comprehend that I felt like crying.

Why do I feel like this? I know I haven't done anything wrong to anyone, but I just felt as if I'm hurting the people I love because I'm not as responsible, mature or as hard-working as I should be. I don't want to let anyone down, including my mother. Having to do something in my life is so important for me to actually show her that I can be my own person and still be a man for her. However, it seems that I'm not doing my part as a son because it seems that I disappoint her at a certain area. Whether it was not completing a certain chore for the house, or not making the required grade due to not being responsible for my task, I feel upset for not doing my job to support her, for not stepping up as a man and become the man of the house. I just don't want to disappoint her as I did in the past.

I'm in college now, but I feel as if I am the same 10-year-old naive young man who does not understand the world surrounding him. I know people will look at in a way by saying, "Nah! He's definitely not the type of person I would talk to" or, "Why is he so bitter and quiet? Should he seek help?" It doesn't really matter to me what they think, but I do feel I have an obligation of pleasing at least one person w/ my talents. The reason of this delimma puzzles me, since I never felt I had a pure or clear heart within me; instead, I posses more of a blackened heart, if you will. I had it since I was still a teenager, and throughout the years, the darkness within the heart continued to grow to the point of my heart literally breaking. It hurts w/ a passion, and it still does.

(Most of you won't probably know what I'm talking about or just take it the wrong way, but this was how I felt at the time. If you're willing to comment about how I actually feel, please feel free to do so. However, I wish to say that I'm not a nut case as some may perceive me as such. I'm a normal human being who is just dealing w/ issues, really. My apologies if you take this post the wrong way.)
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