Tuesday, March 22, 2005

   Higglytown Heroes
I am now completely convinced that childrens television is completely retarded, you should hear some of the CRAP they're loadin' into kids heads...
So my five-year-old sister is watching Playhouse Disney and some stupid music video for the theme song to this TV show Higglytown Heroes. It said at the end of the video "Somthing-or-other; They Might Be Giants; Blah blah blah", and I'm like "Cool, my mom used to listen to them and they do a bunch of stuff for Homestarrunner.com. The theme song can't be THAT bad. I'll actually sit through the show, mainly to make fun of it, and find out if it's really sung by They Might Be giants(I realize now I could have just looked it up online; SOMEONE has to have so little of a life they'd actually post that on a site...). Anyways, the show is based in this wierd town called, you guessed it, Higglytown. It's filled with obscure shaped houses and all its inhabitants are people(and squirrels) that resemble those russian dolls that open up at the waist and stack up inside each other. Thats really pretty creepy in itself considering that they're living, breathing people that have absolutely EVERYTHING inside their hollow bodies, even being able to hide in one another. There are these five main characters, four children named Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, and Kip, and a squirrel named Fran. Eubie's like, 14 and he has a high, squeaky voice and Kip, like 8, has a deep voice(they must each have some kind of gland disorder). Fran has a voice like the secretary lady from Ferris Beauller's Day Off(saying "Dontcha know." a lot). Every episode they encounter some prblem and need the help of an everyday hero(a HIGGLYTOWN HERO!!!, they even have a fricken song, Wayne:"Someone special, who could it be?", Twinkle:"This job's too big for you and me.", Fran:"We need some help", Kip:"But never fear-o!", Eubie:"It looks like a jooob, for a Higglytown Hero", all:"A Higglytown Hero", then the particular hero sings a song 'bout what they do)and they always seem to get some help from Pizza Guy, a pizza delivery man who has a scooter, helicopter, motor boat, etc.... So in this particular episode, Kips mom is sick and they decide to sing a song about what their various relatives do for them when they're sick. So Kip and his friends decide to make her a get well card. They draw a picture of his house and thay start to make a tree but, OH NO!!!, no green paint!! Without green paint, you can't paint the leaves; without the leaves, they can't make monkeys, and what would a get well card be without monkeys!?!?!First, Twinkle suggests that they get a band of astronaut bunnies to go to the moon, which everyone knows is made of green cheese, and bring back some cheese. They then turn the cheese into paint somehow and paint the trees. But everyone soon decides it's a job for a Higglytown hero. A painter, stereotypically French of course, comes and tells them how to make green from blue and yellow. They can then make the card and give it to Kips mom, monkeys and all. Aawwwww...I'm gonna die laughing...

If you want to hear more about the Higglytown heroes, including Acorn Day polka, A garden gnome sitting on a blanket at the beach, and a stuffed Tarzan wannabe skunk named Jungle Skunk, then comment this entry and I'll post another on this topic.

You can't make this stuff up. If you want to see it for yourself, its on playhouse disney at 8:00 am weekdays.