Tuesday, May 3, 2005

   E.T.
The following is an E-mail that I have just sent to Universal Studios Florida regarding a made up friend I have with a made up name. Anytime you visit the attraction "E.T. the Adventure", considering they take my e-mail to heart, you are welcome to tell the person who gives you the passport things your name is Katooshly-Loogly(the name is compliments of my father).

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During my recent visit at your amusement park, I have found that on a certain E.T. The Adventure ride has a computer prior to the outragously long lines(which in itself is highly illlogical, how can a park expect one of its so called esteemed customers wait an hour and a half for an attraction that lasts less than an insignificant 5 minutes?). This computer contains a variety of names programmed into the attraction. The names scanned into cards or"passports", as you refer to them, are recited at the end of the ride when E.T.(though I doubt that Mr. Spielberg meant to have E.T, short for Extra Terrestrial, be the creatures actual name. In the introduction of the ride it even mentions E.T.'s teacher who has an actual name.)thanks you for your help. A friend of mine has an unconventional name, yet it is his name, that was not in the computer. Though this may seem a trivial inconvinience to him in your point of view, Katooshly-Loogly's experience in your park was cut short as he had to get a "passport" with an entirely random name. He felt this meant he had to flux his name, as well as his religion since it is a religious name, in order to be accepted by "%$#! fat cats sittin' on their piles of money they rip off of the common people". One of your computer operators, after the warning that neither she could spell the name nor would it be in the computer, would not issue his correct name to the card.

I feel it should be demanded that you enter this name, as well as its phonetic recital, into your attraction. Otherwise you are stating that if you have certain names, you cannot reap the full and due comfort and enjoyment from his favorite ride, spare the despicable conspiricy he feels being held against his people. He plans upon returning within the course of a few weeks and I coarsly demand you permit his "fair share of fun".

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Oh What fun.