Wednesday, December 1, 2004

   Useless
ugh i hate myself... im so...useless..nothing about me is great. not a single thing.. oh sure my friends say that my life is going perfect but when will they take the blind folds off and see true reality??? but no one cares anymore.. yet my friend is such a hypocrit! shes like you know what?? go and kill your self i dont care, you keep doing it even though we tell you not too..Well she does the same freakin thing! and shes always looking depressed and shit.. you know what just get over it! thats what you said to me.. see its not so easy is it dammit??? i dont even know if i can ever call them my true friends either..they dont understand me, and they never will.. i dunno i just had to get things off my chest and for others to read they are amused, but oh well i dont care anymore.....


As she sat on down in the corner of the room Her eyes filled with her sorrowful tears, as they slowly escaped from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. Her heart slowly died each time she had to see him. He was…flaw lent. And amazing yet her heart knew she could never ever love him. For he was perfect and she was not. Her life was never full of happiness, and the scars on her arms proved it. So many memories fading on her arms...and now new ones. Told another memories. Memories of her hatred, her sorrow ness, her guilt and her ugliness. Everyone hated her; they could never understand what she goes through. Yet some think she is perfect and that she has everything she could ever want. But they are wrong. All she ever wants is to be loved...but she could never have that. For she was not beautiful at all, never blessed by the goddess of beauty. Never would she have him embrace her, or ever look into her confused eyes. Never would she get to hear those words "I love you" and knew they were true. Never would she be loved...

This is what she thought of everyday, and every time it nudges her closer to death. She was tired of all the pain, all the misery. All the hate. She knew she could never find the lost light, and crawl out of the darkness. Never. Darkness wrapped around her, holding its tight grip not allowing her to ever get away. With her in the darkness was her knife, the wonderful enjoyment it had when she would slice her arms. But now. It was over all the cutting would stop, but to do that just one more cut was to be made.

She gripped the knife's handle steadily as she turned her arm over. The knife was now on her wrists, the edge waiting for that moment to slice deeply in the blood vein. Her hearted pounded nervously, her hands were shaky. Slowly she sliced, letting the pain burn into her, the blood following the knife as it slid down. She knew she had sliced the blood vein and soon she would sleep forever. The blood ran down her arm and on the floor, beginning to form a small puddle. As she leaned her head on the wall, she whispered, "All I ever wanted was to be loved... " And with that she closed her eyes, looking ever so peaceful as if nothing was ever wrong with her. The blood still trickled down to the floor. Her skin slowly loosing it’s color becoming pale. Soon someone tapped her on the shoulder, she weakly opened her eyes and looked at the figure in front of her. "Who are you...?"
"Welcome my child, I am Death and its time you come home, and do not worry because now you will finally be loved...." As he spoke, he embraced her and lifted her off of the floor. And with that her heart managed the final beat of life and then stopped...

my gay story...but its based on my feelings..
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