Thursday, December 2, 2004

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Wednesday, December 1, 2004

   Useless
ugh i hate myself... im so...useless..nothing about me is great. not a single thing.. oh sure my friends say that my life is going perfect but when will they take the blind folds off and see true reality??? but no one cares anymore.. yet my friend is such a hypocrit! shes like you know what?? go and kill your self i dont care, you keep doing it even though we tell you not too..Well she does the same freakin thing! and shes always looking depressed and shit.. you know what just get over it! thats what you said to me.. see its not so easy is it dammit??? i dont even know if i can ever call them my true friends either..they dont understand me, and they never will.. i dunno i just had to get things off my chest and for others to read they are amused, but oh well i dont care anymore.....


As she sat on down in the corner of the room Her eyes filled with her sorrowful tears, as they slowly escaped from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. Her heart slowly died each time she had to see him. He was…flaw lent. And amazing yet her heart knew she could never ever love him. For he was perfect and she was not. Her life was never full of happiness, and the scars on her arms proved it. So many memories fading on her arms...and now new ones. Told another memories. Memories of her hatred, her sorrow ness, her guilt and her ugliness. Everyone hated her; they could never understand what she goes through. Yet some think she is perfect and that she has everything she could ever want. But they are wrong. All she ever wants is to be loved...but she could never have that. For she was not beautiful at all, never blessed by the goddess of beauty. Never would she have him embrace her, or ever look into her confused eyes. Never would she get to hear those words "I love you" and knew they were true. Never would she be loved...

This is what she thought of everyday, and every time it nudges her closer to death. She was tired of all the pain, all the misery. All the hate. She knew she could never find the lost light, and crawl out of the darkness. Never. Darkness wrapped around her, holding its tight grip not allowing her to ever get away. With her in the darkness was her knife, the wonderful enjoyment it had when she would slice her arms. But now. It was over all the cutting would stop, but to do that just one more cut was to be made.

She gripped the knife's handle steadily as she turned her arm over. The knife was now on her wrists, the edge waiting for that moment to slice deeply in the blood vein. Her hearted pounded nervously, her hands were shaky. Slowly she sliced, letting the pain burn into her, the blood following the knife as it slid down. She knew she had sliced the blood vein and soon she would sleep forever. The blood ran down her arm and on the floor, beginning to form a small puddle. As she leaned her head on the wall, she whispered, "All I ever wanted was to be loved... " And with that she closed her eyes, looking ever so peaceful as if nothing was ever wrong with her. The blood still trickled down to the floor. Her skin slowly loosing it’s color becoming pale. Soon someone tapped her on the shoulder, she weakly opened her eyes and looked at the figure in front of her. "Who are you...?"
"Welcome my child, I am Death and its time you come home, and do not worry because now you will finally be loved...." As he spoke, he embraced her and lifted her off of the floor. And with that her heart managed the final beat of life and then stopped...

my gay story...but its based on my feelings..
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Saturday, November 27, 2004

   Mary is so Awesome!!!!!
OMG she is so cool!! I met her through my friend Cheyenne. yeah i wont say much bout her cuase many dont wont believe me.. but shes 14 and shes cool.. shes nice too, it was fun though she scared me today and just plays around but its cool, i dont know how someone could ever get mad at her or see her as something different. thats what makes me angry..when people look at someone and they are like..eww shes creepy, i dont wnat to be friends with her.. or something like that..anyways Mary is still awesome and i dont care what other people say otherwise about her. Other things that happened today...uh cheyenne stayed over again for the 4th night? i think..basically the whole week which is awesome though. We have been on the comps all day, just rping and being stupid yeah..thats our typical day.. lol ugh but when she went to sleep she like makes noises...omg! it gets annoying, she was laughing for 5 mins about nothing then sighed and stopped.. then she was talking about pringles and stuff.. it was funn ybut annoying, cause she was alseep this whole time and when she woke up i told her to shut up and she was like huh???? lol i need a video recorder so i can show her what she does.. anyways im gonna go..so bye all
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Friday, November 26, 2004

Good Morning Everyone
How is everyone's day going? mine is going horrible and its only 9:21 am...lets see went to bed at 4 am...then the dog woke up cause he set the alarm off...sides i feel sick still..ugh thankgiving...leftovers for breakfast....ugh......lol but the good thing is this is my second day and i already understand alot.. and my best friend is coming over.. but i want to know is how do you get your posts to be transparent so you can see the background??? cause my HIM background is covered.........Does anyone know how to do that?? if so can you please help me..???????


Well hope everyone has a wonderful day!

<3 Syco
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   Happy Thankgiving all...
Hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving. I just had a friend over but it was still fun, we had Turkey, potatoes, bread, and stuffing...cept for my potatoes were...um...lets say you could sculpt stuff out of them...and my dads gravy..um....cement...lol yeah for dessert we had brownies and cookies that i made... cept for the brownies could have had more coco powder and some more sugar..but other than that it was fun.. Later they watched Harry Potter 3 and i just stayed in my room...that was when my friend left.. so yeah.. uh other than that nothing else
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Random
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
01. JOANNA
02. SYCO
03. JOANN

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. MY EYES
02. MY CREATIVITY
03. NOTHING ELSE...

THREE THINGS YOU HATE DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. HAIR
02. WHOLE BODY
03. JUST MY WHOLE IMAGE

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
01. INDIAN
02. GERMAN
03. AMERICAN

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01. LIFE
02. GUYS
03. MYSELF

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
01. PEOPLE WHO BRAG TOO MUCH
02. CONTROLLING PEOPLE
03. PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY HAVE TO SLEEP WITH A GUY ON THE FIRST DATE

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
01. LOVE
02. MY FRIENDS DYING.
03. .....BOOBAHS... SADLY SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF ME


THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
01. MUSIC
02. COMPUTER
03. PHONE

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
01. BLACK T-SHIRT
02. BLACK JEANS
03. EVERYTHING THAT GOES UNDERNEATH....

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01. COMPUTER
02. ..THE CAT..
03. CDS

THREE THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
01. OIY
02. SHIT...
03. WHAT!?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS AT THE MOMENT:
01. HIM
02. MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE
03. THE POSTAL SERVICE

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
01. CHEYENNE
02. BRITNI
03. MARITZA

THREE REASONS YOU'VE BROKEN UP WITH EXES:
01. HE WAS A JERK
02. ONLY HAD ONE BF..ACTUALLY NOT EVEN CONSIDERED ONE..
03. IF I DID IT WOULD HAVE TO BE BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON ME

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
01. HONESTY
02. UNDERSTANDING
03. RESPECTING ME

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
01. HAIR
02. EYES
03. PERSONALITY

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
01. BE LOVED
02. BE EVEN NOTICED TO MY CRUSH
03. ACCEPT THE DEATHS OF FAMILY

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
01. SLEEPING
02. PLAYING GUITAR
03. DRAWING

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
01. BOYFRIEND
02. MONEY
03. A JOB

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
01. GRAPHIC ART DESIGNER..I THINK
02. LAWYER
03. OWN A BAND

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
01. LONDON
02. EUROPE
03. OUTERSPACE...I DUNNO

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
01. TELL MY FRIENDS I WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM
02. GET MARRIED
03. HAVE A CHILD
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Betrayal of Love....Random part
She wandered through the dark tunnel. Each step she took, echoed throughout the icy stonewalls. The echoes soothed her, feeling like she was not alone, but in reality she was alone. Her gown dragged behind he on the cold floor, yet ever so gracefully. If one were to see her, they would mistaken her as a beautiful lost confused spirit, for her white gown glowed in the darkness. But as much as she wished she wasn’t a spirit. She was a vampire. The damned undead that her bestowed love Damien had created. His selfish acts of lust ignored her pleading cries. Her terror amused him, but he was ever so gentle with her, for she wasn’t just another nights feeding. He was her queen, the one who he wanted to spend with for all eternity. When he sunk his fangs into the soft flesh of her neck, her whole body slowly drifted away, as it slowly died. Before her last breath of life Damien whispered in her ear “. Don’t be afraid my love, for I have given you new life. All your worries will soon drift away.”

The images left her mind “my love…” Selene whispered. Her eyes flickered with anger and hate. “He said he would always love me, and that my worries would go away but now.” She was weak to him, whatever he wanted he could get from her. She had no say; she was just his helpless slave. Nothing was ever hers, not even her own body. Anger grew in her heart like a passion. Overwhelmed by it, she slammed her fist into the stonewall. Her spine shivered from the icy touch. Her hand grew numb, and blood slowly trickled down her arm onto the floor, staining it. Selene moved her hand away from the wall, and her blood from a jagged edge that sliced her hand deeply had stained the area. She slid down to the floor, clenching her hand to stop the bleeding.

A familiar voice echoed around her, she knew who it was. It was Damien, he was coming for her. Before she could get up, a shadowy figure appeared in front of her. The shadow faded away and he came into view. His dark brown eyes glared at her, with anger and disappointment. Selene tried to slip away from him, but he slammed her back into the wall, his pale dead hand gripping her shoulders. “What are you doing down here? Didn’t I tell you to stay in the room?” He hissed, as his fangs came into view.

uh...gay huh??? yeah i suck at writing stories....
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