Wednesday, December 22, 2004

   its been a summer...
wow i havent updated in a while.
yesterday was an awsome day. but i dont have the time ot explain now, and today might be equally cool, so i shall do it tonight. lol ^ ^
anyhows, yes ive been off being busy with my other journal(s) and some other random stuff and soccer and so yea, ive forgot about my journal.
ill just tell you a bit of my happiness, i got to see carlos yesterday. damn i hadnt seen him since like..the summerish. god (hints the title) lol
well kioko and them are coming over! later, much..
-kchan
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Wednesday, December 15, 2004

   exams...
oy..its exam time! lol. i have straight second lunch. lol. alot has been happing and i just..i dunno anymore. i dont really feel like typing. ive been like not on this site so much. lol. ive been too busy. lol. everything just got really confusing. i dont even want to think bout it, thats what christmas break is for. lol. i still have to get present fors everyone. lol. im so lazy. haha. well, i will atually update this weekend...later...kk
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Thursday, December 9, 2004

random post!
mwahaha i stole this from a freind and i just want to see how weird i am. lol i know your gonna love it ;)

The Girl Stereotype
Do you spend a lot of time on your appearence? nope

Have you ever been on a diet? why would i?

How much did you lose? i gained 5 pound from playing soccer! lol all muscle!

Was it not so much a diet as it was an eating disorder? no...

Make yourself throw up? why would i throw up to lose weight?

Make-up? um...do i even own make up? *goes and checks* on occasions

Low-cut tops? hmm i dont think i even own one! lol

How big are your boobies? [Cup size] pleading the 5th!

Do you flip your hair when you talk, even if you don't realize it? i mess with my ponytail! lol. why would i flip my hair? thats like...flirting..

Giggle a lot? um i laugh, i dont giggle..its too...gurlie. i love to laugh. i do it often

What's the deal with boys? theyre stupid, throw spears at them! lol j/k i love my guy friends.

Thongs? why?

Pretty bras? again why?

YM, Teen, Cosmo, et al? um...why would i read that bs?

Who's the weaker sex? both have their weaknesses

Are you a feminist? ....i dunno.

Do you think Brad Pitt is hot? why would i? viggo is way cuter..lol

How often do you shave your legs? um..depends...never longer than 3 days.

How about your armpits? same i guess..i dont spend hours in the shower..i dotn have time! lol. i have to go to school!

Are you emotional? i can be.

Especially when on your period? wtf?!





This Or That [Oh, that old
coconut.]

Originality or Acceptance? Originality.

Independence or Companionship? independence.

Stability or Freedom? freedom

Personal or Interpersonal? iner i guess

Introvert or Extrovert? i guess introvert.

Popularity or Isolation? id rather be alone than in some large group.

Unique or Loved? Unique

Understood or Individual? Individual.

You or Them? bob.


that was fun! lol
ill actually update tomorrow. later
kchan
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Wednesday, December 8, 2004

   its love, make it hurt...
well if it is, then it hurts...alot.
im over it all. honestly.
this whole thing with joe and ariel and g.g and blade.
i dont want to hurt anyone. i dont want to be the cause of pain! omg...get this right ppl.
ok now i will caml down and take this one issue at a time. im also going to be truthful to g.g.
ok...lets start with ariel-shes like my BEST friend,i would never hurt her and until last week she thought so too. well cuz of her brother, apperently im just like ''everyone else'' and im just evil and ill hurt her to get her brother. o she means more to be than him, shes been there for me. i really care bout ariel and now shes making me feel like i dont.
koe, her brother(bobert) likes me...and i really like him. ariel wont even let us be friends. can you see a problem forming? i can. it just seems like when i talk to him online, he seems to care alot, and actually i dunno,,
and then when i see him he seems un interseted, and just..distant.
blade-wow this was like the only good thing of the day! you didnt hate me for g.g! i was so amazed. lol. i thought you were going to hate me, which freaked me out. and then i saw you after today, and we talked( i needed that) and then everything was ok. that was so nice.
grey ghost-*sighs* ok this is were life just gets fun! freakin a. ok im gonna say no. its all this shit and its our freind ship. im just. i cant. im sry.
soccer i freaked killed my back some how and like pulled something so now it hurts to move(like walking and bending and stuff) and so im like upset bout that and i probably wont get to practice tomorrow unless it gets better.
im just sitting here, listen to my music, replay yesterday over in my head, praying ill wake up and itll be then, but i know it wont. but drift off and remember joe and ariel and i want things to just be sloved, and i want both friendships and g.g to be fine and just everything to be right. oh great....g.g just told me bout another issue..im so leavin.
kchan
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Saturday, December 4, 2004

   i have a sort of glow about me...
mwahaha i have a glow guys! lol. its a good thing too, apparently. lol. bobert said that too me. i was..uh...happpy. sure why not.
i got to see andrew today! ok jinku relax, nothin happenedi was good. lol. we tlaked. but not about us. i was mad. lol. i didnt want to bring it up, then we both had to go! i was sad. but then i got home and talked to bobert and ari and other ppl and i was happy. lol.i like the name bobert, its a very good code anem!!!
lol
im done with jason!! lol yay! fianlly i blocked him and siad over it! lol. i told hm to get over it, and that i was, and that he lost his 85 persent for threating me like shit. lol. lol
kioko, i think, was doing something today, probably with..him. lol
we supposedly have a game monday. haha oh well. lol. sucks. lol. anyhows. lol. im on crack. are you on crack? i am
i like pills!!!! lmao. i took a pill this morning cuz i had a wicked cough.lol. wicked. ha..omg i need to get off the crack! lol. well yes. right...um ok...im just going to ramble...
oh yes, jinku i want to know what s-cham(er gr w.e) got you for your b-day!!! lol you must leave me a message!! lol. your gonna be so spoiled by him!! lol
ok well right, um leaving i guess...
um sure
later
kk
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   im lying just to keep you here.
mwahahaha i mate my imac. its evil. i like spent 20 minutes trying tofigure out itunes! the evil system. lol.

i need a life..lol. i burnt some cds today, taking back sunday songs, simple plan, new found glory. i download some usher songs, but i still need the nelly and tim mcgraw song. gah. i will do that tonight, while im bored at home, cuz my parents are going to some stuff x-mas party and my bros at work, and the sucky thing is andrew wont be able to come over cuz its at like 7. bloody hell is all i have to say.

im much better after yesterdays little post. grey ghost tryed to make me happy, but i was just to upset to listen. he was right. i shouldnt be doubting myself, or putting me up to their standards. *sighs*
i want me parents out of my house right now! gah. i want ot see andrew. i miss him...lol

i have a new stalker freind!!! lol. yay. its so much fun. lol
i cant say the name yet, and i need a new code name for him. i need like a code name book or somehting, my god. its get confusing. lol. im just too blonde i guess.
well i have to go help my mom before she decided to break the imac...(peice of crap, thats what the thing is) lol ill post tonight agian, most likely
later
kk
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Friday, December 3, 2004

   somethings gotta go wrong, cuz im feeling way too good.
nickelback line.
im over it all.
soccer was just a distaster. i barely got to play, and when i did, i was off. fucking a. im never going to be good enough, or fasst enough, or anything like these girls. im not good enough to be on the team. im honestly thinking about quiting. the only time i get to play is when the team is bad. even then it not that long of a time. im over it
my parents are fucking evil. they keep trying to get in my life and i just want them out.
freaking blake and kyle and the other kyle(i dont fucking care anymore) are so confusing. im just like over it. i want to know what happened, if theres something there, or im just putting false hope into it.

im just so fucking pissed bout soccer! i mean good, im not a starter, and neiterh are alot of players, and i mean they like make us feel bad. i try my hardest, but its not good enough, i put in my 100 percent, but its not enough.
my friends. ha i dont even want to get into that. most my friends lives are so freakin messed up. im like casted out of my really cool group of friends. holy shit i hate my life. i just want to be done with this bad period and move on.
ok i feel better. im gonna go find some one to bug.
later
kk
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Wednesday, December 1, 2004

   i put my trust in you, pushed as far as i can go..
i like that song ^ ^ i heard it on the radio today. right now im relistenin to nickleback....very good cd.
right anyhows, we won out game tonight...yay..right well, slight issue. i see all these other great plyers, and i just wonder what im doing, why im kiddin my self to be playin with them. i dunno. last week i questioned my existence. *sighs* i dunno. ill be over it in about a week.
issues...my god. i wish i was back at delaura...atleast then it was drama central...freakin a. and i had andrew :) lol. j/k

story for the day!!!
ok well i was at the breeze way after school, and some of the girls were going to subway really quick, so they asked me to watch their bags, which was ok, cuz i was gettin my stuff ready to change into. so katilen came along, and we talked and she asked whos bags they were and i told her. so then shes goes to the bus, and im waitin there for girls to come back, and then andrew, no code name andrew, but ariels andrew came by, and stopped to talk to me, and we stayed there and it was cool, and then katilyn came back, and then she was taking some of the bags, and i stil had to change(i would have before but i didnt just want to leave andrew and the bags) so she was carring like 4 and i told andrew to help, while i changed, and then they came back and andrew and me kept talking, i then i had to go to the bus, and andrew walked with me, and then i got on and left and kaitlen started questioning me! apparently everyone thought(including my coaches) that he was my boyfriend, it took half an hour to get them to believe me..(some did if they knew the other andrew) i was like...embarrassed...ah...
and i didnt come up with a code name for ariel to use...gah...i must go think...
later
kk
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Tuesday, November 30, 2004

   im tired...
omg you guys! i have the ncest firends. 3 today said i loooked like crap...yea love you too.
i was soo tired today. me and kioko talked on the way home today and we were talking about me not sleepin or eating, and andrew, and i seriously think something is going on there.
kioko said that today before we went off to lunch that i would look at andrew, and then look away, then he would look at me and then away and then me...ect ect. i dunno if that means something or not...(has q mark over head) ah..owell ill just let w/e happen...
omg i have the weird dream when i took a nap after soocer(i seriosuly was like dead tired...) it was before me and kioko went to the patio, at lunch, and i was talkin to burns, and then andrew was there, and then he left to go to class and then kioko said she had to go somewhere and then me n burns went to lunch i saw kioko talking to someone, only i couldnt see who it was. so then i asked her bout it and she wouldnt tell me who it was. and then i just let it go, knowin she wasnt gonna tell, and then a couple days later, andrew shows up at me door(im guessing it was like a sat. or something) and in the morning and he tells me to go with him, and we go to the pb feild, and he told me that he liked me still and he wanted to get back together. i was so happy, n then kioko asked how andrew was, and i figured out it was her. lol. it was an odd dream. like its ever gonna really come true...

we have a soccer game tomorrow..joy! i need good sleep then tonight, which is a hard thing to get. for me atleast...anyohws! ari was like depressed today, which made me sad. :( and then i found out why(after mcuh trouble!) and i felt really bad. i dunno, it just seems like sometimes guys are more trouble than theyre worth...but they seem worth alot...*sighs* right, well i have to go get my stuff ready and eat cookies!! (yum warm cookies!!!) so later
kk
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Sunday, November 28, 2004

   i put all my hope in you...
i highly doubt anyone will want to read this, but im sure it will answer grey ghost's question as to why im sad.
ok jason(palm bay dude, same name as james real)and i started talkin over the summer. we met through a friend of mine and his worst enemy, lets call him shigure. anyhows, we met and we started talking often online and on the phone. we never got to met though, which upset me.
one day jason said that he really liked me, and i really liked him too, but i was having issues with shigure and andrew, so i said no when he asked me out. i was sad because i had to hurt him, but we stayed friends, and openly talked about relationship stuff. i had every intention of going out with him within that month. he had other plans. bout 3 weeks later, he told me a girl he dated still liked him, and he liked her. so they were going to go out. i was stunned, hurt. luckly though i still talked to him. then issues began to form and he and i stopped talking nearly as much, and i was hurt, but i had andrew, so i was better off. well, then he told me that he still liked me, and that he wanted to go out with me, and that he broke up with his g/f. somehow shigure found out(i didnt tell him) and this whole thing started and i got blamed(suprise..) so then he stops talkin to me, and i was sad.
then just as quickly as he stopped, he started agian, and told me that he couldnt stop thinkin bout me and blah blah blah. i was just happy he didnt hate me. and then i realized i still liked him, so i told him this. ha! he called me this morning and said he couldnt break things off with kt or his friends would hate him for it. and nows hes back to the whole not talkin to you again, i feel like being an ass thing. and i hate knowing i could have had him, i hate knowing i lost him, and i hate knowin that is wasnt my fault.

and all thi makes me see how much i really like him and andrew and how much i really just wasnt to talk to them, want andrew to just hold me, want jason to just talk on the phone and whisper that he cares for me more than i know. i dont want my life to just have a shaded figure haunting my dreams as it does now. *sighs* well i have to go finish my spanish...later

kk
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