Thursday, November 10, 2005

   Phuuuh...
Things are getting little bit better...that Riina was really, really sorry about that what happened...so I look if she makes changes in the way she acts when she is with me...if she won't I don't know what to do. When I yesterday talked with our schools school nurse, she said that I could (if I want)get my own therpist...or something like that. I don't know what I should think about that...I mean I can decide do I want that or not...and I don't know...I have week before I have to say something to the school nurse...
Nevertheless things are getting better...I need to talk to my mom about going for a visit Jo in Christmas, I have almost enough moeny to get there by train...if my mom won't have money to pay that...then she should only get money to get my little sister, Miia, there too. ^_^;
But now I need to go again..Take care everyone!!! x_x
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Wednesday, November 9, 2005

   I don't like this feeling...
Today on lunch break I did have a bad fight with Riina. (She is that "friend" in my school.) And gosh how I hate her right now...she did compare my depression to her own problems..and that's not right...she can't do that! Why she won't understand that, that does hurt me...like I wouldn't have pain enough. She makes me feel that my problem is so small that I souldn't even feel it..but how she knows that!! I'm person who has feelings too! She didn't even understand how it did hurt me...she did laugh to me when I said that, that what she said did feel like she would have turn knife in my heart...

"For You"

To my mother, to my father,
It's your son or it's your daughter,
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way too fast!

The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don't know how to listen
And let me make my decisions

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way to fast!

All your insults and your curses make
me feel like I'm not a person
And I feel like I am nothing but
you made me so do something
'Cause I'm fucked up because you are
Need attention, attention you couldn't give

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence get us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way to fast

by Staind. That is how I feel right know...I hope you guys feel much better...Take care!
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Tuesday, November 8, 2005

   Life sucks....
Okay, things really won't go well...even if I want them to go. I really don't know what is wrong...I just have very, very awful feeling...and it's very hard to be in school 'cause I would just like to cry...and I don't know what I could do..so that would go away...I really hate this...it is so dificult to try to hold your tears...But I promise I will be okay...someday...
Now I need to go...Take care everyone!!!

Oh, and I would really appreciate if you guys would visit these guys...they are really great persons...
TheDarkManAndré and Chrystaltear
Real names are André and Christy...Thank you!!! ^_^
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Monday, November 7, 2005

   I'm not feeling good...
My head is going to explode..and I'm sad...I just don't know why..damn. But well, I think it will go away..hopefully..but how are you guys doing?? Hopefully better than I do..*simels little bit*

Change

If ever you had said to me before
That I would live this life that I am
Living now I guess it's all so strange
To feel the way I do inisde but
Have so much that I could feel some
pride for in my life so why is it that
I feel like this

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within.
I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
torture me like it used to.

I try and try to break away from all the hate
I'm feeling for every one of you that's ever
done me wrong. I need to justify the reasons
for the way I'm living. I guess I can't 'cause
I don't feel like I deserve it

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within.
I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
torture me like it used to.

So now the waves they have subsided
And my soul is bleeding I can't take away
the shame I feel. Forgive me.

How do I feel? I've been here before.
I've felt this.
Retreat to a place, a place within me.
I need this. Keep it all down, bottled inside
It breaks me to torment again and
torture me like it used to.

AGAIN!

by Staind, I lóve this song...
But now I need to go...Tkae care everyone!!
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Thursday, November 3, 2005

   Still happy!!!
Heh, I have had pretty fun. It's great feeling when you are never alnone...not truly alnoe. And it's pretty funny to hear all those comments wich I hear all the time in my head...^_^ Yesterday we (I, André, Christy and Eithan) realize that André weren't my son..he must be Christys son...heh. x_x They thought it's because I am too childish. Tshih.
But here is few pics...


Cute angel..^.^


He is very goodlooking guy...x_x

Well, but now I need to go..so have nice day!! ^_^
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Tuesday, November 1, 2005

   Hey!!
I don't know how I should feel right now..It's so impossible to concentrate to school when Christy, André and Eithan won't stop telling their absolutly funny opinions about my class mates and teachers. But I think that I will survive...hopefully...but well, now I'm have to go...school ends..need to go home..heh..^_^
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Monday, October 31, 2005

   Happy Halloween!!!
So , happy halloween to everyone!!
I think I'm okay right know..so much things to do that I can't think so much those bad things in my life. And while Michel is with Catherine, Christian and Jo, Eithan and André will support and help me as much as they can. But I still miss him...


Now I'm have to go..Take care!! ^_^
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Monday, October 24, 2005

   Hi!
Hello everyone!!
I'm not feeling soo good but not so bad either. -.-; Now it's much easier to me to get to the PC..at last!!! ^_^ My best friend did come last week for a week and she is leaving today..I will miss her. My school did start today too..I just don't know how I feel about that.. ^_^;;; But I guess it doen't matter so much...
Here is some pics!


Alexiel..she looks pretty. ^.^


Kira...he is sooo handsome!! x_x


Astarte...she is beautiful..^_^


Jibrille or Gabriel...

Well, now I'm have to go again... Take care!

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Friday, October 14, 2005

   So, hello...everyone!
I'm not feeling so well right now..I have cied more often than usually...and many times almost started to cry...and I hate crying, I just hate it..I am so weak when I cry. Oh well, there is couple good things too in my live...greatest is that my best frind comes to visit me! ^_^ That is the only thing why I smile...

Memories Lyrics

Memories, memories, memories

In this world you tried
Not leaving me alone behind
There's no other way
I prayed to the gods let him stay
The memories ease the pain inside,
Now I know why

All of my memories keep you near
In silent moments imagine you in here
All of my memories keep you near
Your silent whispers, silent tears

Made me promise I'd try
To find my way back in this life
I hope there is a way
To give me a sign you're ok
Reminds me again it's worth it all
So I can go home
All of my memories keep you near
In silent moments imagine you in here
All of my memories keep you near
In silent whispers, silent tears

Together in all these memories
I see your smile
All the memories I hold dear
Darling, you know I'll love you
till the end of time

All of my memories keep you near
In silent moments imagine you in here
All of my memories keep you near
Your silent whispers, silent tears

All of my memories...

I just love that song..*sigh*
Well, but now I'm have to go to do other things...So, bye and take care!!
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Tuesday, October 4, 2005

   Tired but not depressed...
Gosh, I'm so tired...and I think that I will become ill..or something. I just don't have fever yet. I'm home alone with my sister, cause my mom did left with her "boyfriend" to his work..he is a truck driver. I really want to go to sleep...but I can't...but well...the happy thing is that I'm not so depressed right now...that's great.
Then few pics...^_^


They are sooo cute couple! ^.^


Awww...how cute!!! ^_^;;;

Well, there was everything in this time..now I have to go to do some other things..Bye!!!
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