Saturday, April 16, 2005

   Not an easy day. Not a hard day.
Well lets seeeeee, first off, I woke up to my mom handing me a letter from emily! A nice way to start my day, hell yeah. eventually Emily got on, and we talked, eventually she had to go, came back, then left again. And I just got myself confused. In any case shes in bed now, as will I soon...

This entire otaku is seemingly based around her, hah. Not that its bad or anything, I just hope realizes she IS the most important thing in my life. I love you Omaesan!!!
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Friday, April 15, 2005

   Rawr.
Ah hah, another day went by and nothing extremley bad happened, Good!

I love emily so much!! Damn...If only she was out of that hell hole and with me, everything would be so awesome...Utterly perfect. Shes doing alright, thankfully..atleast for the time being, she called me while she was talking to a coffe shop, or burger king, or whichever XD Susan, her friend, was freaking out...Unfortunaley I couldn't get in as many I love you's as possible, but meh, I gave a good two! ^-^

I really don't wanna wait until she comes, jeez...It's kinda hard waiting, but I'll wait patiently, trusting her words that she will come. I love you omaesan!!!!!

In any case, I'm going to bed, ::Yawns:: Yes at 7:16 AM...Oh well, Lol, Night all! >.>
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Thursday, April 14, 2005

   ...
Hello everyone...damn...today was rough as hell...but even worse omaesan, Emily...After..an incident with her father she ended up cutting, and...well I wont get into detail...

When I heard her tell me to stop her, I was already beginning to draw the conclusion that something like that had happened, but I wasn't sure, I hoped it was more like eating too much ice cream, but seems I wasn't that lucky. After a two hour long conversation, yelling fits, major use of the word fuck, and attempts at comforting her as best I possibily could,he had to go...And I was left with; Is she going to be alright? Is omaesan emily going to be alright? Will she keep her promise and not cut again? I trust her...but I'm still worried...

She thought she fucked/fucks up my life with her problems, when that is surley not the case, she makes my life brighter, no matter what...she gives me love, and a reason to wake up in the morning. She makes my life alot better then bad, she needs to under stand, and fully understand I love her unconditionally.

She said I only know her on a certain level, of course thats true, but I know her enough to love her, which is quite alot, isn't it? In any case she thought she was a horrible person, why I don't even know or remember, but I know she isn't a horrible person, shes a magnificent person, caring kind and sympathetic, beautiful and loving, and I can't get enough of her...Don't think your horrible omaesan.

I don't know what else to say exept that I love her with all my heart...and that...I hope she can fall into my arms soon, and that...soon...it will be a fully real hug...rather then just words..and I seriously, cannot wait...but I will...I dont want too.....at all, but I will, for her...Because I don't want to live without her at all cost...I love you maesan, Emily.
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Wednesday, April 13, 2005

   Hehe...
Omaesan, after reading your blog post, I decided to write something from each paragraph from it, I figure this way, you can know how I feel about you more, and hopefully it will bring us another step closer, if that is even possible.

I do trust you, I trust you alot, believe me. You show me that you love me in everyway you can and that is what counts, and when you do I feel warm and mushy inside, I feel like giving myself a hug, just to pretend its your arms and not mine, or clasping my hands together at my chest simply our of joy.You haven't done a thing wrong. I wish as well that I could see your beautiful face smile, it would warm my heart, and to be in your embrace forever would be like playing your favorite song over and over again, and singing alot to it, without your throating hurting after a while, and singing it forever.

You said a relationship like ours is hard, but that we make it work, and those are words truly spoken, because we do make it work, and it has to be the best relationship I've ever been in. I certainly love you as well, Omaesan. I haven't been in a long of relationships persay, I've been in quite a few, but most of them are like how ours is now, I've had a few close ones, but not even they compared to how I feel about you, not even close! Yeah, they ended in heartbreak one way or another, most of them atleast. Yeah, going into this relationship was something else, something....clicked, the lock opened and let something beautiful in, something magnificent, wonderous, powerful...You, and you're love. Hun, I certainly do not want to prove you wrong, infact, I want to prove your right as much as you do!!

You said that my happiness is the only thing that matters to me, thats so sweet, and it's probably true, and I think its so kind of you, but omaesan, you need to understand that you come on par with me, or else I might actually feel worse, but the gesture is so sweet, and I thank you kindly. I share everything I can hun, I do, my thoughts, my feelings, my love, my soul. I'm glad you let me in your life, opening a completly new door that was until a while ago hidden. I really don't want to wait for you to come here, to let my lips linger near yours as your warm breath spreads over my lips, and taking you in a passionate embrace, the longing for that is very strong.

Yes, our kisses online are wonderful, but it teases me in a way that makes my blood boil with an even more powerful urge to hold you in my arms. I too want the day to come when we can meet others gaze, and can see your beautiful face with its glorious smile. I'll begin to talk more on the phone if you give me reason to talk ::Hehe:: and your voice calms me gently, but at the same time keeps me happy, and excites me. I'm very glad that my words inspire you, and give you, as you said, a reason to live, I really am, everyone needs a reason to get up and face the day, we are others. I'm glad you werent pushed over the edge hun. I hope I stay in your head often, since I seem to help you, which is fantastic.

No I certainly dont want to ever harm our relationship or mess anything up, I realize I make mistakes, and I very much apperciate the fact you would always forgive me. No, I'd never ever hurt you on purpose. I do treasure the face you wouldnt ever hurt me. You make me very happy, and for the majority of the time, I am in such a happy mood, I dont have time to be anything else, exept when somethings up with ya or a friend, then ya know, its an expection, heh. You make me extremley happy, let out the sigh of relief, and I'll take you in my arms.

Susan can bite her panda, I miss you too, shes definatley wrong, I agree, there is such a strong attraction that is doesn't matter. You are too close to my mind and heart, and whenever I think of you my mood lightens, especially when I think about the next time we can talk, and I eagerly wait the time when I can lay another gentle kiss on your lips. You dont know why I love you? Well there are many reasons, and for you, I'll list them.

Your caring and sweet.
Your funny and you can bring my mood up pretty easily.
Your always there for me when you can be.
We have alot of common intrest.
Your easy to talk to.
I feel comfortable around you.
Your a beautiful person in general, and even though it isnt a reason I love you, your beautiful!

I hope that helps in the understand of why I love you, your a great person and don't call yourself a bad one ever again! Totally a lie, hehe. I'm your dream come true? AWWW!! Your mine too! Seriously, your awesome. I'll definatley continue to be. ^-^ Oh yeah, the magnetism between us is amazing...I have to try really hard to hold myself back from getting TOO attached, heh. Our first real kiss...I'll probably explode with butterflys inside, haha. Yes...Life will feel complete when I can hold you tight in my arms...I really do long for that.

I'm glad I can tell you whats wrong, that is a major relief, knowing you do your best to help me comforts me in away that only you can, and only you ever will. I'll share my problems with you, definatley, supporting eachother through things is one of the many bases of a relationship...isn't it? To help eachother through the bad, thats always what I thought, though. Maybe I'm wrong, but having your lover help you helps more then a friend, no matter what anyone says, and if not more then a friend, then in a completly different way. I wish you wouldn't cry, I wish I could lift you up into a paradise in the sky, perhaps heaven, and live there with you for all of time, without tears, fears. I don't think you joke when you say you will leave, I really hope you do...but I DONT WANT YOU WALKING! No no no, and, another triple no, because I realized its way too dangerous and risky, and I cant let omaesan do that, no no no no no no. I realllly wanna see you, but not if its risky, not like that...I hope you are right too when you say you hope your correct, about using being right for eachother. Though I have my fears that when you get here, you wont like what you have...actually...it scares me alot...but we all have our insecuries and paranoias...I suppose. I believe that too, that the light dims before it shines its brighest.Yes, I have talked you through it whenever possible, And I will continue too.

I feel the same as you, negative the song, usually, heh. Though your mind and love is constantly with me whenever and where ever I go.Your so cuteeeee!!!!!!!!!! Writing in your notebook and stuff, ahh...When I first heard you did that, it was like a massive surge of happy went straight into me, this was before we were going out, it was magnificent, and I find it utterly adoreable. My heart and mind both yearn for all of you, longing for it so much, I miss you constantly.

I've taught you trust? Hell yeah, hehe, im glad. I know how you feel with the new love, I've never felt exactly like this either, its amazing though.I'll be here as often as I possibly can, please believe me in this, I would never leave you if I didn't have too, and I hope times like that dont come 'Cause I'll feel like a complete ass for leaving you with problems unsolved or unhelped, and without me to help you through, your tears would sadden me horribly. I dont care much about the distance, but gotta admit it does suck, not being able to see your beautiful face, or snuggle up to you, kiss or hug you. Love conquers all eh? That depends on the strength of the love, comittment, trust, loyalty, and effort,I believe we have all those things and more, so yes, our love should and will most likely conquer all, hehe, at least I truly hope so. We can certainly be in love, people who think we cant be are closed minded fools, I say! Yeah, if they where going through what we are now, they wouldn't play the same tune.

I fully agree with you omaesan. I certainly did smiled quite a alot through this, to say I sympathized with everything might be a fib, so I wont say thing, cuz thats neigh impossible, but believe me that I sympathized with things of importance to us and you, and I.

I love you with all my heart and soul emily,
Your hunny bunny.
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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

   Stuff and stuff.
Hey everyone, this is my new blog, hope everyone enjoys it. I may end up switching around backgrounds, I dunno. Anyways on to the juicy, important stuffz.

Well my parents fought earlier ::Hears applaudes.:: Yes yes I know, maybe it'll be better, it was pretty large...biggest yet...or it will just get worse. :: Shrugs :: Oh well who cares about that. On to BETTER stuff!!

Ah, mwhaha. My girlfriend emily. Yet, I'll talk about her, why? Because I love her! And she's everything I've ever wanted. Beautiful, caring, helpful, another fantastic reason to cope with all the bad in the world, for she is the ultimate good. Hehe. When I'm talking to her, everything else, mostly, is gone, its her and I...in piece, and in love...and I feel so good latley. Some people say you shouldn't rely on others for your own happiness, and I agree, but...I can't help it that she makes me feel uber wonderful. Like the bright, warm sun beating down on you in winter, warming you, giving you energy, brightening your mood...Sorta like that. I really do love her though. I try so hard to keep her happy, at the same time I enjoy doing it, 'cause I know I'm trying my best for her, and I'm happy with that. She is my moon, that shines down from the sky, illuminating the darkness in my heart when things darken. Thinking about her, and how much she loves makes things seems more alot less hectic, it justs makes everything seem lesser then it is, because I know..I have her in my life, and I love her and she loves me, and everything will be fine because if nothing else, I have her. Emily, you are the most important thing to me, I think about you constantly, If I didn't know better I'd swear there was a part of my brain with Emily written on it. 'Cause thats how it seems. When something comes up, your the first person I want to talk to, you comfort me in a fantastic way, that only you can. I can't wait until that day when I can place my arms around you, and lay a sweet gentle kiss on your lips, while giving a loving smile. When that day comes, life will be complete...Or atleast it feels like it. Heh...I can't think of anything more to say...sorry. :-p XD I love you Omaesan!!!
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