Monday, January 16, 2006

   God is Wearing Black
Current Mood: Frustrated and Sad
Current Song: Soldier Side by System of a Down

I feel as if the weight of the world is upon my shoulders... not only do I have problems of my own, but I have to help all of my friends with their problems too. I found out that my friend is pregnant, one of my friends is still suffering from heartbreak, my boyfriend tried to commit suicide, my cheerleader friend is starving herself because someone called her fat, I'm still having a battle with my self-image, and I've been unusually depressed lately. Have you ever seen the sculpture of the man that Leonardo DaVinchi (I think) carved where he has the globe on his back and seems in pain? That's how I feel... Sometimes I just wish that I could climb under my covers and dream up my own little world of pretend where nothing ever went wrong.

I'm on a diet now and am also exercising like an anorexic. The minimum I've exercised everyday is one hour and the maximum is two hours... maybe I should just start exercising three hours. But it's terrible... I feel like I'm constantly hungry. I can't even look at food in fear of falling into temptation and I'm beginning to hate food. I wish I could go back to being a little kid where I had no worries... it's true. Ignorance IS bliss.

I went to a school dance and as always, it sucked. I don't even know why I go to those stupid things... I guess it's to be with Zakuro, but I still hate being there. All they play is rap, there are far too many people, I don't dance, and one of the boys at my school kept on hitting at me at my first dance. Next time I should just save my time and money and not go and watch music videos.

The past week I went to go see Memoirs of a Geisha and Tristan and Isolde with Zakuro and I cried during both. -_-" They were so good, but terribly sad. Especialy Geisha, but someone woh really knew Japan could tell that it had some Chinese influences in it. It even had some really cool kimono that they knew wouldn't be back in the olden days, but they were still cool.

I gotta go... talk to you guys later, and happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
+Momo has nothing more to say+
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Friday, January 6, 2006

   Stupid face.
Current Mood: Jealous
Current Song: Jealous by Dir en Grey

I'm so tired of feeling like I'm not pretty. People tell me that I am, but I'm not. One time I just looked at a flower and cried because I knew that I would never bloom into a beautiful blossom like it would. My boyfriend tells me I'm prettier than geisha but he's full of shit. I'm jealous of all the girls at school and I just wish that I would be decent. Even when I wear makeup it fades off and makes me look even worse. I'm also 10 lbs overweight and I can never find anything to fit me and I'm trying to excerice like an anorexic might. I just want to look decent... maybe my life wouldn't be so fucked up. Sometimes I just think it would be better to cover up my face with a paper bag and wear a bedsheet for the rest of my life... I know that my religion tells everyone that they're beautiful no matter what but I could never imagine myself as "beautiful."



God, what's the matter with me?! I have a good life and all I can think about is the negative stuff!!! I'm such a stupid fuck. I mean, my family earns medium wage, I have a nice warm home, I have good grades, I have nice friends, and I'm living in America. I dunno... sometimes I just want to make my mind shut up.
+Momo, dazed and confused+
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Thursday, January 5, 2006

   I hate stupid people.
Current Mood: Kinda Sad
Current Song: Dreaming by System of a Down

I read Zakuro's post today and I agree with her... I'm tired of the same old thing. It would be really nice to have some variety in my life and I'm just so tired of it. Here's what I said about it-

I know what you mean, Mero-I feel the same way. I mean I'm white and everything, but I don't really fit in anyways. You're my only friend (at school) who doesn't freak out on me. Guys don't like me and but I have no idea why Taylor does... maybe it's because he's an outcast too. People talk about me behind my back and think I am bitch and shit like that. The thing is, I don't give a crap anymore. It feels like no one will ever TRULY accept me, but I don't really care. I'm tired of the same thing too... I just wish I could run away sometimes. I guess that's one of the reasons I want to go to Japan so badly. I can't stand the thought of living in this hick-ass town for the rest of my life and I crave for something new. I guess that's one of the reasons we're so good of friends.

See? I don't know... maybe I'm going crazy just replaying everything over and over again. It's like watching a video tape that it so boring that you want to kill yourself and sometimes have events that make you break down on your knees crying... that's me.



I love my mom but she pisses me off so badly sometimes... the other day because I forgot when I let our dog out last, she called me and my brother useless. Of course, I was pissed about it and she got mad at me because I was upset. Then Dad came home and was angry that so many things went on when he was away and he told us that sometimes he wonders if he should stay home for the rest of his life or just run away. Then Mom started screaming at me, asking if I wanted to tear the family apart and cause Mom and Dad to get a divorce and said that she ought to put me up for adoption. When I started crying, I tried to suffocate my sobs and she got pissed at me for crying. When I was born it was an accident... sometimes I think it would be better if my mom and dad were never to meet. I hate my life so much sometimes.



But I guess I shouldn't complain... I found out that my friend Chealsea is going through some troubles. Since her parents are divorced, her mom went to go see her dad and told him that he needed to take Chealsea and that she was tired of taking care of her and that he needed to be a father for once. Then he said right to her face that he didn't want her and her mom was going to send her to a girl's school. Now they have to go to therapy and she can't be by herself since she's ran away so many times. I just wish that I can be sad without feeling guilty.
+Momo, stupid,whining, bipolar bitch+
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Wednesday, January 4, 2006

   The end is near!!!
Mood: Happy
Song: The Fight Song by Marliyn Manson

I'm back!!! Haha, you have given up hope, no? But alas, I have proved you wrong! Gasp in wonder and bow! Muhahaha!!!

Alright, everyone, this I'm pretty effing serious about. THE WORLD IS ENDING. I mean, Marilyn Manson got married in December and one of the stupidest kids in my class got a B. The only explination for that is apocalypse. Also, I just got back on. I dunno... I think something's going on.... I want to bend the fabrics of time and space and make the world taken over by a bunch of midget monkeys that like to hump pillows. ^^ That would be cool beyond belief. *nods knowingly*


Whoa... he's really pretty in this pic. O_O

My New Years sucked... All I did was watch Vanilla Sky and get sick off of sparkling grape juice (mm... a yummy defeat). Oh, yeah, we also missed the ball drop which is like an annual thing for our family. Yeah, I know, I suck. I wanted to go to Japan for New Years so I could see all of the fireworks and hear the gongs play and just stare at all the cute boys. ^_~ Oh, well. How was you guys' New Years? I hope it was better than mine... -_-"

Christmas was WAY better than New Years, thank God. I got almost EVERYTHING I wanted and it rocked so much. ^^ I even got silver liquid eyeliner!!! ^o^ Yeah, it rocks. I got something I've wanted since forever... Nine Inch Nails: And All That Could've Been. *hugs DVD* It so awesome, you guys have got to have it!!! I wish the commentaries were better... this guy just rambles on about the images. Grrness. I also got Resident Evil 4 which is awesome!!! ^^ I got to save a wolf from a trap and I felt so good about myself. ^^ But I got so much crap, it rocks. ^^ This Christmas was all about da music. :P


So hot...

Do you guys like my new layout? Cause if you don't, that's too bad. I love it and my precious Kyo-sama. ^^ *huggies*



I must go and save the oompa-loompas from all the snozwanglers. Oh, yeah, I gotta hunt down my ho Willy Wonka too. ^^
+Shiyume, the weird little munchkin+
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Friday, September 9, 2005

   Gomen ne!!!
Current Mood: Achey
Current Song: Filth by Dir en Grey

Konnichiwa, minna... I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a while, I've just been so tied up with school... curse it all. ToT At least school isn't as bad as I thought it would be at the beginning of the year. I'm still attaining my A/B average, so I am happy and most of my teachers are impressed with me. I guess that's a good sign. XD I only have one class with bloodandtears and she doesn't sit anywhere next to me because our stupid redneck teacher doesn't let anyone do anything without her consent. Litraly. Anyhow, I have 4-7 classes with some of my really good friends, so I suppose that's good. I like my science teacher a whole lot because she's old and senile and doesn't notice anything... and she thinks I'm the greatest. XP I can write notes in her class, read, write stories, and talk to my friends and she won't notice anything. She rocks. *nods*



I wrote an 11 page yaoi with Sasuke and Orochimaru a day ago. Yay! ^^ Bloodandtears wrote an 8 page yaoi with Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. It was really sad, though.. it was titled "Amber" after the Dir en Grey song... that song makes me want to cry.. ;_;


SQUEE!!! This fanart of Itachi is awesome... *drools*

God, my throat hurts. It started yesterday whenever I had a facial mask on and I sneezed, so my face crinkled up and it chipped off. Since I sneezed, I inhaled air and the little chips went into my throat. And it was some STRONG face mask. Now I'm weezing, have a really bad cough, and my throat feels like it's on fire. It's closed up too so it hurts whenever I breate and swallow. I want to kill my throat... at least I can still sing. I'm happy about that much.


AAAAAHHHH!!!! THE BABY VAMPIRE BIT ME!!!

Tommorow is Okaasan's birthday... I don't know what to get her since she said she already got what she wanted. She got a new puppy. *sigh* Got any ideas?

Ew, ew, ew!!! I coughed on the keyboard!!! I'm going to have to spray it down with Lysol now!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH A GERMOPHOBE!!! I NEED WILLY WONKA GLOVES!!! I accidently touched a trash can yesterday and I said I was going to get sick from it and look what happened. I hate germs... *hisses*



I don't really have anything else to say, you guys. *scratches head* Well, I love you little darklings. Later.
+Shiyume, a.k.a Mrs. Clean+
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Monday, August 29, 2005

   Dookie..
Current Mood: Thankful
Current Song: Dogma by Nightmare

Yay! Konnichiwa, minna. Sorry about the post, I couldn't think of anything to say, so I figured that would be suitable enough... in my little universe of doomy doominess. *rubs hands together evily* >) Anyhow, I really sorry that I haven't updated lately, school has just been crazy. I hates it. XP No, actually it's not all that bad. I just have two teachers that I don't like and one isn't all that bad sometimes. She just prolonges her "s" all the time and it gets on my nerves. The other teacher is pure evil. Even more evil than bologna... and that's saying something. You get in trouble for the tinest things in her class. For example, if you tap your fingers/feet, don't sit up straight in your chair, laugh, streach, or do anything human, you get a demerit. It's retarted and I hate her. I got in trouble with her the first day of school because I showed bloodandtears my binder with j-rockers on it and she smiled and I got moved because of it. She sucks majorly. X_X

Anyhow, my little Shi Tzu puppy is so adorable! ^__^ Her name is Lily, she's 2 years old and she's the sweetest thing in the world... living thing, at least. *bows head for last pet* Anyhow, my mom totally spoiled her the first day we had her. She even bought her birthday cake ice cream... -_-; Oh, well. At least she's happy here, that's my main consearn. She's so sweet and adorable, but sometimes she can get annoying. She woke me up at 5 in the morning on Saturday because she smelled another dog even though he's inside and she's in. I got her to be quiet, though, and she slept with me for a little while. Today I was doing my homework and she flopped down on my science book, giving me this irresistable look. I love her so much. ^______^

Kami, I love Dir en Grey so much. Today I was bored in Science class so I made one of those stupid little fortune tellers/cootie catchers that you make out of notebook paper and it was about "Which Dir en Grey member would marry you?" Ther choices were, Kyo-sama, Shin-chan (Shinya-kun), Touchan (Kaoru ^-^), and Totchi & Die together! It was funny because both bloodandtears got Kyo-sama and we were freaking out and jumping up and down screaming, "Aishiteru, Kyo-sama! Aishiteru!" My friend Dylan was staring at us saying, "I don't understand this goth stuff." LOL ^-^


Hail to the sexy Kyo-sama! ^-^

Did anyone see the MTV VMAs? It sucked! The only thing I liked about it was Green Day and Beavis and Butthead... I had to eventually change it when P. Diddy (or Diddy as they're calling him now... -_-+) started dancing and everyone was flipping out. Stupid effing idiots.


Eww... LOL

Finally, fan girls all over have inevitable proof that Sesshy-sama is indeed fluffy! On the Saturday episode of InuYasha, Jaken rubbed his face against Sesshy's fluffy boa-thing and said "Oh, this fur is so soft and wonderful!" and then he giggled... that was the only time I laughed at Jaken when he didn't get the crap kicked out of him. XD I also watched a little bit of InuYasha 2: The Castle Beyond the Looking Glass, but I like it better in Japanese... it was just weird hearing it in English and they had better dialogue in Japanese in my opinion. In America, Naraku and Sesshy are far too stuck up where their grammar is far more relaxed in the Japanese version... so is Kurama-kun from Yu Yu Hakusho. *nods* But anyhow, Kaguya is so pretty, especially when she is in the castle... so pretty but she ate a tennyo (celestial maiden) ... *cries* Ah, well. Chicken! ^-^


Sesshy-sama shall cut you down for your chicken!!

Okay, peoples. It's time to change my background. Who shall it be this time?

+Dir en Grey (Whole band or just 1 member)
+Itachi from Naruto
+Mana-sama (Malice Mizer)
+Sesshy or Naraku from InuYasha
+Ju-On
+Other

People put in your suggestions, I am desperate! I said desperate, peoples! Help! Okay, later my darklings. Aishiteru! ^^
+Shiyume likes gatorade powder/cocaine+
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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

   YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!
Current Mood: Happy
Current Song: Raison D'etre by Dir en Grey

Moshi moshi, minna! I am so happy! ^__________^ I got a puppy! She's so cute and cuddly... she loves playing tug-of-war and is so loving. She's a two-year-old Shi Tzu, has black and white spots, and her name is Lily. I love her so much, she's so happy and adorable!!! ^^ I still miss my old dog (Coconut), but I am thankful for this blessing that has been bestowed upon me.

Okay, that's all I had to say. I'm so happy and I hope you guys are as happy as I am. Love you guys!
+Shiyume says Aishiteru!+
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Sunday, August 21, 2005

   IMPORTANT NEWS, MINNA!!!
Current Mood: Shocked
Current Song: Mr. Self Distruct by Nine Inch Nails

ATTENTION ALL JACKASS FANS... BAM MARGERA IS A PAPA!!! I can't believe it! My parents were watching Celebrity Fit Club 2 on VH1 and I was reading a book on Feng Shui but put it down whenever Phil Margera stepped on the scales, I put down the book. So far he's lost 30 effing pounds on that show! I'm so proud... *sniff* But anyway, they asked him why he wanted to lose so much weight and he started getting all teary. Then he said he wanted to see his baby granddaughter grow up. WHOA, WHOA, HOLD THE PHONE!!! You heard me- Bam Margera is a papa. His little girl is so freaking adorable... she has pretty blue eyes and a little bit of hair atop her bald chibi head... she's so kawaii! ^o^ Who would've known the spawn of Bam would be so cute. ^^ I'm gonna watch next episode because Bam and Phil have a race and Bam runs into a car... hehe. ^-^



Last night I watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for my 3rd time and with bloodandtears. I never get tired of that movie... ^-^ Johnny Depp is so incredibly cute in that movie and so is the little chibi that plays Mike Teavee... I just wanna give him a big ol' distructy huggle! ^^ Freddy Highmore is adorable too... just like a big teddy bear. Johnny Depp said that he was like Charlie- just a little bit of an angel. Aww... that's so sweet! XD Ugh.. speaking of Willy Wonka, I just ate a bar of Laffy Taffy to try to get a Golden Ticket and I got sick to my stomach... I feel like I'm gonna throw up... XDDDDDD



Today my brother came home from camping for one day with the Boy Scouts... I find that rather useless. Mom was really worried about him so Dad and I decided to "reassure" her. We were like- "it's okay... he's probably just catching rattlesnakes and wrestling water moccasins and luring in bears wearing a meat suit..." She covered her ears and she was saying "Shut up!!!" It was really funny and she was so relieved whenever he called her on his cell phone and he was in one piece. Right now he's eating a box of Nerds, trying to find another Golden Ticket. It's making me sick listening to him eating all that sugar... *pukes*

Yesterday whenever we were killing some time before we went to go see Four Brothers (which was pretty good), we went to Barnes & Noble, there was a $1 table, so naturally I was intriged. And guess what I found- AN 8-PIECE CASSET TAPE SET FOR JAPANESE THAT WAS ORIGINALLY $50!!! I think I might have drooled a little... ^^; Anyway, it's called Pimsleur Instant Conversation- Japanese and it's pretty good so far. I'm on Lesson 4 already. There are 16 lessons and they are each 30 minutes long- you can only have 1 lesson a day (But I did two in one day because from the 1st lesson I only learned 1 word... ^^;). It gets really tacky in some parts but I'm thankful anyways. GET IT!

Okay, my brother is done eating his Nerds, so I need to enter the code into wonka.com so we can get a 2nd chance drawing chance. Yayness! ^^ Sayonara, my darling darklings.
+Shiyume loves Wonka but hates candy+
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Thursday, August 18, 2005

   Sayonara, kaminoke.
Current Mood: Sad
Current Song: Jesus Christ R'nR by Dir en Grey

We must all bow our heads in mourn... today I just found out that Trent Reznor has shaved all his beautiful hair off so he now has a buzzcut... it's horrible... all of his beautiful hair!!! ToT I shall cry until it grows back from my tears...


Trent in Tokyo with his new head... T____T

R.I.P.- Here lies Trent Reznor's beautiful, gorgeous hair



Other than being severly dissapointed by Trent's hair, I guess I'm alright... but still TRAUMATIZED!!! ToT Why? Anyway, all hail me because I have 102 guestbook signings! Bow, monkeys, bow!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Hail to the monkey...

Ah, I love Dir en Grey so much... Kyo-sama's weird little voices will always cheer me up. *giggles* ^-^ OMG, if Kyo-sama (or any j-rocker, for that account) were to shave off all their gorgeous locks of hair, I wouldn't know what to do... *shivers and whimpers* It's far to horrible to think about. If Kyo-sama were to shave off all his fluffy golden hair, I would have to kill myself. My world would end. ToT


Aw... j-rocker hair... ^^

Okay, you guys are probably tired of hearing me talking about hair now, aren't you. Ah, screw you. Anyway, have you guys seen Sin City? That movie is the feces (don't ask.. -_-;)! It's the most beautiful and the most gory movie I have ever seen. It's amazing, especially how the red and yellow pop out from the black and white setting. Yellow Bastard (an actually character in the movie) looks really funny popping out in there. OMG, did you know that there was almost NO real sets in that movie? The only really tangible thing the actors got was a car or a windowsil. It's crazy... I would have gone even further into insanity if I were trapped in a green room all day. *shivers* I love tangiblity... *pokes comp* Overall, you guys gotta see Sin City, it's awesome. And for the record, you guys gotta see Marv's part. It's the best in the movie. Marv is my favorite-er... hero and Kevin is my favorite villian. It's all very cool. Oh, yeah, Miho! SEE IT FOR THE SAMURAI HOOKER!!!


Miho is awesome!!! ^^

Okay, I think I'm done here. I'm gonna go cry about Trent Reznor's hair again... ToT
+Shiyume, official whiner+
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Monday, August 15, 2005

   ATTENTION!
Current Mood: Tired
Current Song: Merciless Cult by Dir en Grey

Attention, minna. I have deleted a drastic number of people on my friends list, I thought you would like to know. I have deleted people that don't visit my site often enough or aren't really my friends. However, people that haven't updated in a while and were with me when I was MelancholyTears, have been spared. They will always be special. I suggest that you look on my friends list to make sure that you are still there. If you don't see your name on there and have a problem with it, please PM me and we can talk out a comprimise. Thank you for your time.
+Shiyume+
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