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myOtaku.com: Aimai-Kagura


Monday, January 31, 2005


   Gomen Nisai!
Sorry about yesterday's posts. I feel sorry for the people who read my first one, I didn't mean to rant, I just needed to get some anger out. Sorry. The second post was short so I apologize. The reason it was so short is because my cousin/idol called me and talked to me about cutting. (Yes... I cut myself.) But she talked to me about her past experiences and how it began to take over her life. It is the same with me... I can't control it anymore. That's the only thing I want-control. Cutting was the only thing I could control in my life and now I can't. It's an addiction. I burn when I don't and I bleed when I do. Will this ever get better?
I'm going to have to see my new psychiatrist again today. Maybe she'll send me to the hospital. I don't know any more. Nothing matters.
I don't know what to do. I'm completely numb. I just want it to be alright... and I want to go back to when I believed in everything. The world is black and white in my sight. Where is the grey?

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