myOtaku.com: Aimai-Kagura

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Gender
• Female
Location
• In the monkey that eats your nuts!!!
Member Since
• 2005-01-24
Occupation
• Obsesser, fangirl, headbanger, phycho, etc.
Real Name
• Momo-chan! ^o^

Personal

Achievements
• I know a little Japanese. ^_~
Anime Fan Since
• Before I was a disgusting little embryo. o_O
Favorite Anime
• Too many to type in this little space.
Goals
• Start a j-rock band with Zakuro, become a psychatrist, move to Japan, and help people all over the world. ^^
Hobbies
• Writing, drawing, music, computers, singing, hanging out with ZakuroIro, practicing Wicca, and learning Japanese
Talents
• I can decode dreams! ^^

myOtaku.com: Aimai-Kagura

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Gomen nasai, minna.
2 days until The Ring Two

I'm really sorry, that I haven't updated, everyone. I've just been busy and really depressed lately. I feel really bad about not being on the computer, I'm a horrible Otaku and I apologize. Please forgive me. *bows* Gomen nasai.

Yesterday was horrible. All I could think about was my ex-boyfriend. I still love him even though I pretend that I don't. I can never get him off of my mind. I thought about him so much is that I wrote on my hand about him.... how disgusting, revolting, and pathetic. I can't believe what a fool I am. It's unexcusable. The past is the past and it is out of my control but at the same time I know that is all of my fault. I broke up with him and I didn't realize how much I loved him until I didn't have him anymore. My heart aches. The mistakes I've made will never be able to be forgotten or forgiven. It's all my fault... it's all my fault. My stupidity has droven me to the edge. It's all my fault and I'm drowning in my tears.

Also, last night a great tragedy happened. When we were eating dinner last night I gave my dog a piece of bread and he coughed a little bit, but I ignored it because he does it all the time. He then walked over to my mother and he flopped over on the ground. I laughed at him because I thought he was being cute and clumsy and then the horror revieled itself. He didn't move. He wasn't breathing. I started screaming bloody murder. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't hear anything except for my screams. All I could think was, "Gods, I killed my dog. I killed my dog. I killed my dog. And I laughed at him. I killed him and laughed..." My mother took him in her arms and shook him wildly but he flailed in her arms uselessly like a rag doll. The scene still haunts me and is fresh like blood on my tongue. I won't go away... My father pushed on his diaphram and blew into his nose. My mother finally pried open his mouth and blew into it and he blinked. He was restored. All I could do was cry and hug my dog. I couldn't do anything else. The world stopped moving for a while. And once again, it was all of my fault. I ran into the bathroom and cried and I wanted a razor or a knife so badly... it was my fault and I deserved to be punished. I told my parents that I wanted to cut myself and they let me get a piece of ice to rub on my arm, which would give me almost the same sensation of cutting but wouldn't hurt me. I'm a monster. Everything's my fault. I'm a mistake... I didn't go to school today I'm so upset. All I want to do is watch my dog breathe. I want to tell myself it was all a bad dream... that this nightmare will fade...

Please wake me up.
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