Wednesday, November 16, 2005

School... Wasn't exactly very fun... I've been missing my cat for a week, and I finally asked my mom about him the night before last... She wasn't ever gonna tell me my cat is dead! I'm just.. extremely hurt that she wasn't gonna tell me... And... extremely mad at myself for taking a week to notice... :Sigh: .. It was like this last time... Thats 3 cats in 3 years, gone.. My house is a lonely one now... Any animal I ever get close to dies. Guess I'm just cursed like that.. Well, just as happens that November 15th is the day my friend Justin hung himself, so not only was I depressed about my cat, but about him too.. Its been a whole year now... And I'm still having nightmares about it.... And thats why I haven't been getting too much sleep.. And.. In school, I said something that came out wrong, so now Pat is pissed off at me and twisting it in ways I didn't mean... My day kept getting worse it seemed... When I told my mom I wasn't feeling good and that I was gonna call out of work, she screamed at me and got pissed off.... Making me feel even worse... Also, when people say "Its gonna be okay." or get worried about me, it only makes me feel worse. Worse. I wish people would understand that. I'm not like other people, I don't have anyone to lean on, and its causing my emotions to just... take me over. I know I have friends, but I just can't lean on them, thats not what I mean... I just need someone to give me confidence and strength, but whenever I find someone who can, it.. just doesn't work out. I guess I'm just meant to be lonely in that way. Oh well, I'll survive, somehow. Well, after I called out of work, I just.. slept all day... So... Yeah, here I am now, almost 3 in the morning... Unable to sleep and feeling lonely... Well, at times like these I just need to walk forward without looking back. I'll try my best in doing that. I'll make sure that I have no more regrets from now on.
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