Tuesday, September 26, 2006

So You Wanna Commit Suicide? || 60 Ways To Annoy Akatsuki Members
1. Ask Deidara if the mouths in his hands are good for others things *shifty eyes*
2. Destroy all of Sasori's puppets
3. Spray Zetsu with weed killer
4. Make fun of Hidan for his religion
5. Proceed to run from him while screaming "RAPE!"
6. Tell Orochimaru he looks like a girl
7. Ask him if he's sure he's straight
8. Steal all of Kakuzu's money
9. Try to sell it back to him
10. When that fails, just burn it in a big fire in the living room
11. Roast marshmallows over said fire
12. Tell Itachi that Kisame has a sexual attraction to his Sharingan
13. Tell Sasori and Deidara that "art sucks, quit arguing about it!"
14. Serve shark soup and when someone asks what happened to Kisame, innocently smile
15. Tell everyone where the Akatsuki's hideout is at
16. Continuously ask Sasori to play dolls with you
17. When he finally agrees, tell him "dolls are for little girls" and walk off
18. Play death metal all night
19. Trick Kakuzu into thinking the toilets are poisoned
20. Throw a party in Rei-dono's office, but don't invite him
21. Make Itachi tell you how he killed his family, then repeatedly ask "why?"
22. Get Orochimaru to teach you how to foxtrot
23. Then call him "Mr. Twinkle-Toes"
24. Buy Sasori a Barbie Doll
25. Give all of them ridiculious nicknames
26. Call them said nicknames whenever around enemies
27. When everyone's gone, have the building remodeled to look like Pee Wee's Playhouse
28. Make fun of Tobi cause he didn't get in
29. Turn Itachi's room into a horse stable
30. When he asks where he's supposed to sleep, point to the water trough
31. Color outside the lines in Kisame's coloring book!
32. Read Hidan's diary to the whole Organization, stressing the part "Dear Diary, All I ever wanted was a cute wittle bunny wunny and to skip through a field of beautiful flowers. Love, Princess Hidan"
33. Afterwards, call him a pansy
34. Tell Zetsu he's fat and don't allow him to eat meat anymore
35. Tell Orochimaru he's an ugly girly man
36. Give Sasuke a map to the Akatsuki and Itachi's weakness
37. Destroy Deidara's play-doh and blame it on Sasori
38. Sell tickets to their fight at high prices
39. Play Cowboys and Indian with Rei-dono
40. Explain to Sasori about the birds and the bees
41. Sucker Kisame into singing 'I'm A Little Teapot' with you
42. Hire Gai as a baby-sitter
43. Dub Orochimaru "Micheal Jackson"
44. Teach Hidan how to talk gangsta, then laugh insanely when he calls Itachi a "cracker"
45. Squirt water on the front of Kakuzu's pants then yell "KAKUZU MADE WEE WEE!"
46. Buy him diapers
47. Attack Zetsu with soap
48. Tell Itachi he smells like kitty poop
49. Trick Deidara into dressing up like Pikachu
50. Get Rei-dono to admit he likes pink frilly things as much as Sakura
51. Buy Orochimaru a dildo O.O
52. Cosplay as Zetsu
53. Steal all of Kisame's clothes, pour hot grease on him, and watch him run around naked screaming "THEY'RE TRYING TO COOK MEEEEEEEE!"
54. Give a very detailed description to Deidara about PMSing
55. Blame it on Hidan when he throws up on Rei-dono
56. Tell the Hokage everything the Akatsuki plans
57. Host a sleepover with everyone from Sasuke to Sakura invited
58. Have said sleepover in Itachi's room/stable
59. Flood the building with the remnants of the sewer
60. Blow up the building with a big pink smoke bomb... and blame Micheal Jackson
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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Math teacher arrested at JFK
Be on the lookout for these despicable characters.

Math teacher arrested at JFK


At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a t-square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The FBI is charging him with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzalez said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'"

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers."
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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Random Facts of Life
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A snail can sleep for over three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Leonardo da Vinci invented the scissors.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

Starfish haven't got brains.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The name Wendy was made up for the book 'Peter Pan'.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

And finally...

You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.


And that's all, folks!
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