Saturday, September 30, 2006

   Somebody save me. <3
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Thursday, September 28, 2006

   Homecoming...
Dear Journal,

But god you make it hard to be faithful, with the lips of an angel.

Homecoming=drama free.

I had a blast. We (Mario, Sarah, Tony, and I) went to Olive Garden, where I recieved many a compliment on my dress. One lady demanded to take it off and give it to her at that very instant. That was halarious. I was being my goofy self and cracking jokes or saying something provacative everyother minute, forcing poor Tony to almost snort out his dinner through his nose several times throughout the main course.

We left the restauraunt and met up with Emily, Carrie, and all them in front of the school, then we walked in together. Tony's friends kept demanding we spent more time together, danced more songs together, bump grinded eachother, slow danced, etc.

You know, we just might have.

If they would have gone away instead of trying to shamelessly play a bad matchmaker from hell. It was very immature, and not something I enjoyed very much. Though some of their comments were very halarious. <3

Note: when Tony is embarrased, his ears and cheeks turn as red as roses. :O

So I took a bazzilion and one pictures, danced until my hair fell out of it's updo during love shack, kept dancing after failing at putting it back up.I took pictures of my brother and I dancing. Then the night slowly began to end.

One slow dance left. And it started playing at the very end.

I was surprised to actually see Mar dancing with Sarah, but as expected, he stopped after 30 seconds. <3 Poor Sarah. xDD Mar, you are such a butt face.

Tony and I danced as well. He's extremely taller than I am. I tried to put my arms around his neck, and it was like trying to climb the monkey bars. xD He leaned in so it was easier though. <3 It was actually quite nice, I suppose one could call it my first real date. He held me close and rested his head on mine, and I rested my head on his chest whilst we did the chiche rock back and forth bit since niether of us could dance. The song "Hate me today, hate my tomorrow" was playing.

Then he had asked me what was going to happen to us after the dance, because I had strictly enforced the rule that I had asked him to be my date to homecoming, not my "boyfriend".

And I told him that I was done being dominate, and that the next move was up to him.

I didn't have the heart to tell him my heart was unsteady.

I do like him, and we have so much in common, and we have great time together.

I just kind of do not want a boyfriend. <3 I'd rather keep myself disentangled a bit longer, I'm just not comfortable.

I dunno. What ev.

We then went back to Mars house and DDRed and ate pizza. That was cool. Tony and I walked in and Lidz was playing Tango Maureen. We're both RENT freaks. So we danced and sang dramatically. I got a really good picture of Mar and I. Mum went: "Awww". xD

Then we all took a walk to the park and around the block. It was raining, it was wet, it was cold, it was dark.

It was nice. <3

Scept. I take the smallest strides. I was behind everyone until Tony slowed down. x.x Im so tiny compared to him, and HES A FRESHMAN. Effin aye.

That's pretty much it. Ms Wood then drove all of us home, Tony put his arm around me until we got to his house.

It's weird. <3 I felt like I was cuddling my brother. X_x;;;

Haha.

Anyways, that's it. <3

It was a lot of fun. Much better than last year by a long shot.

With love,

~Katrina Alexis.


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Monday, September 11, 2006

Normally a xanga entry.
Dear Journal,
*Important. But Long.*

“Hate me today. Hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you…”

Sunday was my mother’s birthday lunch as well as my Grandfather’s retirement lunch. My father was giving my Mum a hard time about going, how he didn’t want to deal with my Grandpapa and Phillis, or Aunt Sher and Uncle Dave. He was making her really upset, and I could tell he was hurting her a lot.
And I got sick of it.
He’s always so selfish. All he ever thinks about is himself. He can’t just put on a smile and do something nice for my mother, like it’s so hard to go to lunch with her parents and sister. And when my mom tells him to just stay home, to forget about it, he turns it all around on her, like it’s all her fault he is acting like a spoiled five year old. “Is this the attitude your going to have with me for the rest of the day? Because if it is, Ill just leave! I don’t want to listen to you giving me that tone!” She wasn’t giving him a tone. And even if she was, he was giving off a stronger one from the get go.
That’s when I lost it.
“Dad. Leave her alone. Just STOP it.”
The room went silent. I had just came out of my room and was in the opening to our tiny hall way. He just turned his head like a barn owl, and widened his eyes menacingly. “What did you say to me? Don’t tell me what to do.” He says.
“Leave her alone. Can’t you tell you’re making Mum upset! Stop ruining her birthday lunch!”
I can’t remember the whole conversation word for word. But he got very upset with me because I was standing up to him. After a few minutes of him trying to dominate me, it went quiet again. Mum said to get in the car, so I left out of the house. He followed. When I tried to get in the car, he told me to get my attitude in check.
“Who do you think you are, disrespecting me?!” he shouted.
I told him flatly that I wasn’t trying to disrespect him, that I was only trying to make him realise that he was hurting Mum’s feelings on her special day. “I’m sorry, Dad, but you’re making her really sad!”
He said something.. can’t remember what.. which I replied “If no one else in this family is going to stand up to you, than I will.”
“Oh no you won’t. I will drop you so fast…” Of course, he is right in my face, as always. He got mad and grabbed my wrist, muttering his mindless threats about decking me, so I whacked him lightly against the hand holding me, said “STOP IT. Don’t touch me.” and got my hand free, backing up.
More conversing that I can not fully remember, he had backed me up to the very end of the drive way, near the curb of the street…
“If you stand up to me, than I will not hesistate to drop your ass.”
Which I replied coldly: “Then do it.”
He lunged forward, threw his hand against my throat and pushed me back away from him. It wasn’t that hard. I doubt he wanted to hurt me, just trying to scare me as usual. But I’m not afraid of him anymore. I’m just sick of having to put up with him and his stupid actions and words.
I think mom came out right after he hit me.
“GET IN THE FUCKING CAR BEFORE I FUCKING KILL YOU.” he said to me, atleast, it was something to the degree.
So I did. He goes on to yell at my mother that she needs to have a talk with me, because I am getting out of control. Appearantly, I think I’m such a bad-ass, and where the hell did I get the balls to talk to him the way I did, yadda yadda.
He shot me death glares the entire ride to the Cracker Barrel, which I ignored.
I feel a little strange.
I’m not afraid of him…
I feel… more grown up. But I know I’m still niave and young, you know? Ignorant of the world.
I can’t cower in front of him anymore. I can’t be scared, and it’s becoming harder and harder to bite my tongue at every rude thing he says to my mother, my brother, and me.
But mom pulled me away before we entered the cracker barrel and told me I needed to just agree with him for a little while longer, to put up with him, because we need him right now.
So I will.
For her.
Because I love her.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my dad, very much. But.. I can’t live with him. And I can’t deal with him anymore. He is driving me insane the way he get’s frustrated and overly angry because, hm, I dunno, I don’t want a dresser to go into my room, or he doesn’t want to go to lunch with his inlaws.
I guess I just made it worse by standing up to him, though.
And I appearantly risked a lot. I could have gotten hurt a lot more…
But.. I don’t know anymore. I just.. I would rather get hurt than for him to go around with his ego-parade. He needs to realise he isn’t a king, and we aren’t just his toys or servants. He then proceeds to shouting that something is going to have to change. Either us (me, mother, and I) or him. And it isn’t going to be him, he says. Oh, joy.
Oh hoh.
And guess what?
He’s on first shift this week.
Meaning I have to deal with him every day after school. Wonderful.
In other news…
I went to work again today. Hate work. Hate my job. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Mom took some pictures of me with the five dolla pizza sign, as well as Aunt Sher (who showed up about half way into my shift whilst I was in my gumby suit). Then at the very end of the day, right before my mum came to pick me up, Lindsey and Ms Wood come driving up to get gas from the station next to my work. Lindsey runs out of the jeep and is all jumping around, screaming gossip about Mario and Sarah at me. “Oh my god! Katrina! Mario and Sarah BROKE UP!” Appearantly because Sarah has been overly smothering Mario. Going over his house at 8am until 10pm, then calling him at midnight for two hours, and sneaking out of her house to his house at three in the morning.
…Yes.
She is in fact acting just like a stalker. >> LOL. Sarah, we need to talk! Give the guy some space, hon. xDD
Hm… but they got back together in two hours. Don’t ask me, I havent the slightest clue as to what goes on through Mario’s brain. >>; But I did tell him a little of what happened earlier today with dad whilst he walked me home, and he just listened… until we got to the end of my drive way. He looked at me for a second, then hugged me. “Keep strong, okay?” Or atleast, it had something to that effect. I can’t remember completely. Such a bad memory.
But none the less… I love my best friend. <3 ;.;
Huh, what else to say since this post is already inexcrutionably long.
OH. Mother is making me find a boyfriend.
More wonderful news! …can anyone hear that sarcasm?
How am I supposed to date someone when I am in love with someone else?
Goodness me. I’m in great trouble already this year.
I’m sorry Jamie. <3 But I’m stuck between a rock and a very hard place.
We both are.
What do you think we should do?
Should we call a break for now?
Because I certainly still love you.
And I always will.
But you have homecoming and prom, which you need dates for..
And mother is pressuring me to find a guy for homecoming…
Maybe we should wait until we can finally meet up in a year or so to continue seeing each other seriously?
I don’t know what to do. But that sounds like the smarter thing to do.
Because now that mother is letting me write to you, (with her strict terms of us being just friends and not sending love letters back and forth, as well as screening letters), the possibility of us being together in the end is so much higher than it was in the beginning.. If we follower her rules.
My goodness. Stress. Building. Heart failure. Pheonix down, please.

With love,
Katrina.

PS. Writing a story. Based on a true events. A truly modern Romeo and Juliet to the core. Coming to book stores in.. whenever I finish it and have it published. If I love you enough and you ask kindly, I might let you read it.. depends. >> Maybe I wont. Youll never know..

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

   Aw man.
I'm at Mar's house at the present moment. Sarah isn't here for once, so it's just Mar, Dennis and I chillin.

I didn't make it into the finals. Hell, I didnt make it into the second round of the semifinals, but man did I have a lot of fun. =3

I'm kind of depressed, however. I did want to make it to the second round of the semifinals pretty badly. But its okay.

Oh. And Mum says I am not allowed to date juniors or seniors. Which kinda stinks. I was hoping to have Neil as my fall back man, but he's a senior... Besides, he wouldn't be interested. -shruggage-

>> He IS hot, though, isn't he? -droolz-

Still loving yall,
~Katrina~

PS




Find your Celestial Choir

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

   Well
It's the last full day of my freshman year. How exciting.
I didn't make it into the second round of the semi-finals, but I still had fun at the Cruisn-Gratiot Idol contest.
I've decided that I need to move on and get over my heart ache. I still miss him.. and will always love him. But there is no way in the universe we could make it work.
So. Single woman here. Any takers?
All the love in the world,
Katrina.
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Sunday, June 11, 2006

Huh.
Well, it looks likes I am finally going to make a post on here for the first time in several months. What can I update you on? My cat Jodi died, then I got another cat and he ran away. My dog Smokey died, then I got two Cocker Spaniels and they had puppies, one of which my pal Mario now owns (Princess Oreo Cookie Crisp!)

I've been fighting a lot with my father. I truley do not want to go into it, it makes me sick thinking of the way he treats me some times.

I'm in the semifinals of a singing contest. www.cruisin-gratiot.com

I'm heart broken, because I am forced to give up someone I love very much... and he probably thinks I'm a horrid person now because I left so suddenly and with very little explanation.

Yeah...
Anyways. Keep it real, and wish me luck for tomorrow (Monday) coz thats the semi-final day.

Singing "Girls Night Out" and "The Alphabet love song"

All my heart,
~Katrina~

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Monday, December 6, 2004

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Sunday, December 5, 2004

Quiz

You take the Road Less
Traveled. Who
wants to go where everyone else has already gone anyway? You look for the hidden
paths, ones most don't see and don't care to venture down. You go boldly and
stand proud discontent with what's been put in front of you, determined to find
a way perfect for you even no one else will take it with you. You live as you
want and not for others, but be careful not become selfish. Others may need you
and you should be there for them, especially the ones close to you. You tend to
be the leader in most situations and people listen and trust you not lead them
astray. Your firm in your opinions and beliefs and are unwilling to change yourself
to suit other people. By the same token, you can be stubborn to a fault, change
isn't always a bad thing you know. Everyone changes and grows, you shouldn't try
to stay exactly the same or you could be left behind. Then again, you may change
frequently. Some people change to fit in, you my little non-conformist, may
change to be set apart. It's great to be different, but it's also just as great
to have things in common with people, even if those people are in that "crowd"
you seem to have a vendetta against. Don't try to
be different, just be who you
are, whoever that is and you'll be unique all on your own. So make some time for
people, let yourself blend into the crowd every once in awhile, you may just
learn something about them and yourself you never knew before.

What Path Do You Take In Life? [X]For Guys and Gals! Pics and Lengthy Results.[X]
brought to you by Quizilla

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