Take the Malice Mizer personality test by
Mania and Dementia!

Saturday, October 18, 2003

Just angst, anger, and a possible farewell.

Vincent:
Silent, strong, and very very very deadly. This is
one bad mofo, and you don't wanna piss him off.
He lives in a constant nightmare, and is
extremely lonely.


What FF7 char are you??
brought to you by Quizilla

So I'm Vincent, am I? Makes sense.

Hello again, my friends.


Well anyway, I'm in a rather nasty mood. For one, I'm about to stab my elfwood gallery in the throat. I hate, with a fiery passion, random commenteers who critiscize me rudely, saying things like "ur pic is sooooo badddd lololol", "bishounen SUXORS", and " ew...they're GAY ( in reference to my yaoi pics, which, might I add, I BLATANTLY PUT WARNING TEXT BY)", and have the nerve to do so and hide, like true cowards, behing the alias "Anonymous" .

I'm also infuriated by my own work. I feel as if I've reached a creative roadblock that also limits my skill and prohibits me from looking at the art of others without comparing myself to them and feeling flames of jealously tear away at me. I am aware of how deficient this behaviour is, but it is not something so easily changed. Just today I visited the gallery of my idol, Yuki Yoshida. She had new updates, just as amazing, if not more, as always. Only this time I wasn't content to be amazed. I felt a sickness manifest in me, part anger (with myself), part jealousy (of her), and mostly shame (of my own mediocre work). I glanced back at my own gallery and felt thoroughly ashamed. As it stands now, I'm tempted to leave elfwood entirely, and perhaps myotaku.com and deviantart.com as well. I'm tired of feeling as if I progress so little as the world of artists around me spins at the speed of light.

And finally, most unfortunately, the way things are going right now, I think that a friendship of mine is about to come to an bitter end. It's a long and intensely dull story so I won't waste my time writing it, nor your time reading it. The ordeal has left me sore in heart and furious in some ways, but I'm beggining to think that perhaps it's time I burned down the bridge for good and stepped away from a relationship that only tortures me, breaks me down, then builds me up to do the same damn thing over and over again. It's the same old chestnut, basically.
So now I sit here, reflecting, listening to "Mizerable", and wondering if there is truly a graceful way out of this quagmire.

But I am not so weak. I won't give up, if you'll pardon my cliche, until I'm thoroughly convinced that I cannot contribute anything of worth to any of these sites. Perhaps this only a momentary rough spot. This, however, seems doubtful, as events and the like have been building and building, up to this point.
In short, I won't bend to any one's will, but my own never fails to destroy me.
--signing off for now....Alexa
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Saturday, October 11, 2003

Zankoku na tenshi no teezis.
Hello Hello. Don't ask me why my subject is the tile from Neon Genesis Evangelion. well, I noticed today that I have now accumulated over a hundred visits! This makes me very happy indeed. I'm working on new art, and I will probably post more on a later date. Today and yesterday were wonderfully strange days. I had several friends over and we watched "Milo and Otis", and were generally insane. Looking back, I have to wonder if any of us were under the influence of Hallucinogens. It's a long, odd story....
Well, I do a great deal of roleplaying online, espeially in one extensie storyline with two of my friends. The storyline has been going for almost two years now, and is reaching it's conclusion. What I plan to do when it ends is look up all the records of our play, edit and revise, then begin to set up story boards for a comic. to get a head start on things, I've just begun the editing and revising portion of the whole deal. It's a great deal of work, let me tell you...for a storyline that spans well over two hundred pages or so unedited, not counting the many records that were lost on accident.
In the process of all of this, I've come across a number of quotes, written by myself and my friends, which are completely and utterly nonsensical and/or hilariously out of place. I'm posting a few of these chat room Gems below.

AkoeWarrior9: ((don't make me make you my prison bitch))

xRach Elba Gel x: Ausuxbcbuce..
xRach Elba Gel x: XD
xRach Elba Gel x: BUCE?
xRach Elba Gel x: Wtf is a buce..
AkoeWarrior9: Puce?
AkoeWarrior9: a color?
xRach Elba Gel x: ... Spruce?
AliveFullOfPain: A spare tire thrown onto a masterbating white man.
xRach Elba Gel x: XD
AkoeWarrior9: Moose?
xRach Elba Gel x: ROFLRANEO:AUB
xRach Elba Gel x: YOU SPELLED IT WRONG.
xRach Elba Gel x: MASTURBATE
xRach Elba Gel x: >/ ITS A U

AkoeWarrior9: ((kills keith with a blunt, half inch pencil))

(This was during a battle when Keith's character was hit particularly hard by one of mine. Classic typo here. xD)
Couchkid50: ::he could feel his bone being crushed::

(I really have no idea where this one came from..)xRachel Bagelx: ][ xD Back to bitchy land ][

xRachel Bagelx: ][ o.o Rhia gets mean some times.. like crazed bunnies o.O ][

(Say what when how with a who?)
xRachel Bagelx: ][ o___O DAYUM you best tell her..XD oh she be smackin dee bootifyul bizzlenithc raen xD][

(..)
xRachel Bagelx: And eat monkies like crackerS!
xRachel Bagelx: yes..
xRachel Bagelx: Monkey eating syndrome.
xRachel Bagelx: Beat the child

xRachel Bagelx: I see you baby.. not shaking that ass, but hiding in the corner in fear.. with the rest of those pet parots! ALL 1,259 of them!!

xRachel Bagelx: you wake up and your like " o.O did i just pee in my bed? I am shweaty, like a dutch man.

xRachel Bagelx: AHHH AHHH FINGER BLEEEEDD LIKE A MONKIES ASS

AkoeWarrior9: I made raen one of the "large dark Nipple people!!'" *erase* *erase*

(Another 'Prison bitch' reference)
AkoeWarrior9:DONT MAKE ME MAKE YOU PICK UP THE SOAP AGAIN!
--------Signing off for now...Alexa

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Saturday, October 4, 2003

Kanashimi no iro.
Well, well, well. I have returned temporarily. Just a post to update on my current sitaution and, once again, to express my apologies for not updating in a while. I'm going to post another picture as well, just to show you all that I still love you.
Well anyway, not too much is going on. I've recovered from a massive attack of artist's block, thankfully, and managed to come down with the common cold. Excellent trade off I say. Now I can produce worthy artwork, but I feel like shit while doing it. I'm taking a sort of vacation from human contact, because I'm surrounded every day by them, and it really sucks up my energy right quick. I'm keeping a good length of distance between my friends at school, even, so I can think in peace.
In doing this, I've managed to free up some time for homework, violin practice, and drawing. I'm a funny mix of contented with the world and all out furious at it. Does anyone ever get that way?
Well, I will try in the future to make my updates less sporadic. Fare well for now.
Signing off---Alexa
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