Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Three reviews.
Well, I said I would review Saw around Halloween, and here it is, along with two other movies I have seen. Let me explain how my rating system works.
1- Dogshit. Do not see this movie.
2- Maybe an explosion or a decent titty scene.
3- At least one violent beating and a plot that is easy to follow along.
4- Awesome. Plenty of violence, someone getting maimed, and at least one different thing to make it above most movies.
5- Awesome. See it three hundred times. No touchy feely stuff, no college politics conversation, nudity, guns, death, violence, and at least one completly kickass stunt that makes seeing it worthwhile. Now without further ado, my reviews.

Team America- 4- Holy shit! Something from the creators of South Park that doesn't completly blow ass. It is funny, gory, and the one huge gimmick at the middle had me laughing so hard I shot soda out of my nose hard enough to kill the person sitting in fron t of me. Oh well.

The Grudge- 1- Wow, this movie made no sense, yet people think it is the shit. My big question, if the curse is in the house, how is it able to leave the house and attack people in apartments across town? Asshole japs and their nonsensical stories.

Saw- 5- Holy. Fucking. Shit. This movie had just about everything! Apart from an explosion, lesbians, and a kid getting dropkicked off the Hoover dam, this had everything. robots, two very violent death scenes, and a shocking twist that REALLY makes you think. My money goes to Saw. Well, what are you waiting for? Stop reading and see Saw.
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Tuesday, November 9, 2004

Tom Hanks Is a Douchebag.
Yeah, that's right, I said it. That guy is too much of a hassle to be left alive. He is a jerk, an asshole, and furthermore, he is a shitty actor. What brings this to mind you may ask? Well, Hanks was just on Letterman. What is the first thing he does? Bitch about his new movie. Well Mr. Hanks, I am very sorry that you are getting paid a few million dollars for starring in that movie, not to mention all the advertising sales you will command soon from it. After all, all that motion capture must have been murder on your... well, nevermind. No part of that would have hurt anything. Let us not forget that you do do very hard work, like, well, playing pretend all day you fucking dolt. He bitched about the complexity of motion capture-ish technology, where a camera does, literally, the same thing, only in a simpler way. My big problem with this guy is he says the only person who could care about that technology is one guy who sits at his computer all day. Well, if only he can care about it, why don't people just boycott your next six movies you fucking asshole? See my review of The Grudge, Saw, and Team America tomorrow.
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Friday, November 5, 2004

Tribute to the best game EVER.
There are two things I do with my time outside of school and work. Video games, and this. There are very few games that make my list of games that rock hard, but this one made it, beat the test of time, and is still my favorite. I am talking of Fallout 2. Fallout rules in every way. It has a superb storyline, decent graphics, good sound, and awesome dialog. Here is an example. "You shoot the child in the eye. His eye explodes and he looks at you helplessly." HOLY SHIT! How can you not like a game that lets you shoot children in the face? Unlike the claimed greatest game ever, Halo, this game has everything you could want in a game and more. Quit reading, go find yourself some Fallout 2.
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Monday, November 1, 2004

Stereotypes./ John's School of Life
I get alot of heat for my use of stereotypes. I have a few words for you people who complain about my using stereotypes. Go cry about it, listen to some Blink 182, cut yourself, and vote for Kerry. Stereotypes are given for two reasons.
1. The group itself wants it, as the punks calling themselves so for listening to punk and dressing the same way as their idumbass idols.
2. Some liberal dickhead gets it in his mind that hey, if we need to identify with the kids of today, labeling them is a good way to start. Calling Indians Native Americans is an example of this. I know a bunch of Indians, and that is what they like to be called. Don't believe me? Ask the American Indian Association. If you ask politely, they will be happy to tell you this. Think I ran this issue to the ground.

After going to school for most of my life, I am bored shitless with it. So, I have decided to create my own school. John's School of Life.
Math- If a train leaves Chicago bound for New York at the same time a train leaves New York heading to Chicago, who gives a shit? Public transportation is for losers. Buy a car. Their cool.
Geography- All airports look and smell the same. Here is where you can find duty frees.
History- Who cares? History is wrote by winners and read by losers. Need proof? Go on a bus and look for the guy with the history book. See? Loser.
French- After this language gets destroyed, see how much your fancy wines matter you french dicks.
Reading- Nothing man has wrote yet is worth reading, except this.
See? My classes rule as much as I do. This idea is so great, to celebrate I am going to go make a statue out of myself with beef jerky.
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Sunday, October 31, 2004

Fun on the radio.
Today was entertaining. There is a radio station that broadcasts to my area. It is a modern alernative rock station that the host I would love to see naked if she wasn't such an angst filled spirituality dumbass. Between songs, she takes calls from people lucky enough to know the phone number of the station. Having little else to do, I gave luck a wish and it came true. I had five minutes with the rock DJ. I asked my question.
"Wow, I can't freaking believe I am on the radio. Ok, well, here is my question. You sem to love ragging on rich people and corporations, but then you rave on and on about how your bands are so non- mainstream. I have gone to Sam Goody and seem about half the people you chant about on here with racks of CD's. That is not underground. Care to explain?"
Her response "Well, they are underground because no one listens to them."
"I know about a hundred people who religiously listen to Good Charlotte. Also, if no one listens to them, how can they afford to sell CD's?"
"Thatis so off topic with what you are saying."
"No, that is on topic. One more question. You were given this job by your dad, who owns this and four other radio stations. How does that make you at all spiritual?"
"You don't need to be in poverty to be in one with the universe sir. In fact..."
"You complain all the time of how people everywhere are so depressed and hurt because wealth taking their souls."
"Facist. What are you trying to do, get killed?"
"Facist? Who are you calling facist, bitch? You want to kill anyone who disagrees with your train of thought. That is facism you hypocritical cunt." With that, I got disconnected. She went on a rant of how people like me are opressing her and her punk friends. I got news for the whole punk movement. It made you tough and scary in the eighties to be anarchist and hate everyone. Now it just makes you a dipshit. Punks are such hypocrites. They call anyone who disagrees with them a facist, when they are the facists. It always gets a laught out of me when I hear them rant about punk world orders, when, if given any responsibilities other then simple chores, they fall to pieces. Assholes. You can always spot ojne of these cretins too. Walking around in their Hot Topic pants and shirts, some of them saying "You laugh at me for being different. I laugh at you for being the same." I feel like making a T-Shirt. "You laugh at me for conforming, I laugh at you for shopping at Hot Topic". Well, I am off to bed. Expect to see a review of the Saw in a day or two.
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Friday, October 29, 2004

Hardcore redneck assholes.
I live in the south. Normally, that would mean alot of time spent getting annoyed with real southerners, but lately, I have found an alarming trend. I know a kid from Indianapolis. He moved here two years ago. I went to school the other day, and he claims now that he is from Richmond Alabama. He used to wear khakis and polo shirts. Now he wears blue jeans and the ever popular designer redneck clothes "Dixie Outfitters". These kids are springing up way to much lately. I know a boy who puts the hoe in Tahoe. His truck is jacked up on stilts, and has two extra tires on the back axle. Where does he go that he needs these mods? Nowhere. The wannabee rednecks are so dumb as fuck it isn't even any fun teasing them about their one sided attempt at being redneck. Example? a girl was walking around with a John Deere hat on a few days ago. I inquired if she had ever been on a John Deere tractor. When she said no, I asked why wear the hat then. Her response was classic. "I think it looks cute!" O fuck. If ever I owned a John Deere store and someone walked in just to buy a hat, I would rip off both their arms and beat them to death with one arm while jacking off with the other. I am so furious now, I am going to go do just that.
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Sunday, October 24, 2004

Random thoughts and some silly ideas.
1. When a ghostwriter dies, does anyone come back?
2. Once at a school function, I got a dressing down for not dressing up.
3. A meltdown sounds fun. Or maybe it sounds like a sandwhich.
4. No one really knows what a deserted area looks like.
5. Are kidneys a bean shaped organ, or a bean a kidney shaped legume?
6. Two people sitting in a car inside a parking lot at night are involved somehow in drugs.
7. If it ain't broke, break it.
8. Sometimes, when I am told to use my own discretion, I will use someone else's if no one is looking. But I rarely put it back afterwards. Now there are a bunch of people walking around without discretion.
8. I wonder what goes through a bird's mind when it finds itself flying through a fireworks display.
9. Imagine meeting your maker and seeing that it is Konami.
10. If I nailed a tool shed closed, how could I put my hammer away?
11. If a smoker wakes up from a twelve year coma, does he want a cigarette?
12. It must suck to be an alcoholic with Alzheimer's. I would hate to want a drink and forget where I left it.
13. Why does it always take longer going somewhere than it takes to get back?
14. When does an emigrant become an immigrant?
15. Ever notice that a lawyer smiles alot more than his client?
16. "Let's stop underage drinking before it starts!" Someone explain this to me. It sounds difficult on many levels.
17. I once saw a throw rug in a catch basin.
18. I choose toilet paper through process of elimination.
19. What year did Jesus think it was?
20. What is that small hole near the tip of pens for?
21. Why do all evil genius type guys have the lofty goal of taking over or blowing up the world? If I was an evil genius, I would have a more realistic goal. Like killing everyone who had something to do with the Matrix.

Well, that is all I can think of right now. Anymore and I would suffer a stroke.
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Saturday, October 23, 2004

Losing my temper. Dancing sucks.
Homecoming at last! Yes, the biggest night in the first half of a school year. My favorite day to stay at home and angrily plot against the people going to the dance. Dancing and al things related to dancing (homecoming, prom, etc.) are so freaking useless. All the cool dances, dances you needed to practice for, are gone. Ballroom dancing, the tango, breakdancing, hell, even square dancing is all gone. Now you get that two note R&B bullshit, which requires nothing more than two legs and something above them to do. All you do is shift your weight from one foot to the other. I'll bet your mom is proud. Music and dance is so watered down today, it is a wonder we have dances anymore. Need proof. First, don't eat anything. You want to have nothing in your stomach so you do not vomit from the next part. Now, watch a Richard Simmons aerobics tape. Then watch someone dancing to any modern rap song. You'll see what I am talking about. Kids these days are so freaking lazy. Twenty years ago you had to be in shape to dance. Now, Michael Moore would have no problem doing any mainstream dance. My point has been made. Fuck you.
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Thursday, October 21, 2004

300 hits and thanks for nothing Comcast.
Well, unfortunetly for the most of the world, I am alive. This one is going to be short as school in a little bit. Comcast screwed me over for the last time. see, after the hurricane, we were promised cable by the end f a month for the whole county. Mine kept going out, so I tell them to get off their ass and fix it. Since, to this day it hasn't been fixed, I switched to DSL. Best decision ever. This beats the hell out of cable. Also, 300 hits, thanks you all. Updates will be more often now.
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Monday, October 11, 2004

Rainy days and Mondays, always get me down (especially in Florida), as well as gothics.
Have I ever mentioned that I FUCKING HATE FLORIDA? This state sucks. It has rained all day here. Most of you will say "well, the rain is good. Keeps people inside so I can frolick in graveyards and talk to corpses without interruption! LOL!ROFLOLOL!". Well fuck you. This state blows. It is always hot unless it is raining and you don't have an umbrella, then it gets cold. It is always humid, and no one here can drive right or hear you when you talk. Plus, everything here has wet dog smell, especially when dry. It sucks. Also, there are too many gothics here. All of them are shit eating cockheads. They admit it too. They all say "well, we love to act enlightened and hardcore, but we are all in reality shit eating cockheads." Bastards. In all reality, there is no reason to move to Florida, and there is n reason to be a gothic asshole. Therefore all Floridians must be gothic assholes! I am now so mad, I am going to beat some kid up, tie a kite to his face and put a key on it so he gets struck by lightning.
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