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Tuesday, July 27, 2004


Self Help. You people need to be shot.
I was thumbing through the paper this morning when something caught my eye. It was an ad. Not just any ad, it was for a seminar in nearby Tampa about, get this, Firewalking! Intrigued at the probability of a lie, I called the number on the ad. I got a woman who described the procedures of the nightly seminar for me. Glass walking, breaking arrows with one's throat, and the awe inspiring walking on hot coals. Ok, so you pay five hundred dollars to do some basic carnival tricks? Astounding. feel the power. Folks, walking on fire is nothing special. Hell, I'll go do it right now to prove it. Simple fact of the matter is, feet and wood are not good conductors of heat. So as long as you keep your feet moving, you will be fine. Glass walking is easy to. Most of the shards are horizontal, just walk slowly and you will be fine. The arrow to the throat? Well, the arrow is balsa and not sharp, and the part of the throat that you are pressing it on is very elastic. Enough pressure, it snaps. Easy as pie. Now then, you want some real self help, get off your ass and do something with your life. God damn people piss me off. The whole sales pitch of motivational books pisses me off. to go out and buy the damn book, you need to be motivated. If I ever buy a motivational book (highly doubtful) I would return it and demand my money back. Some days, people REALLY piss me off.
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