Monday, July 18, 2005

im leavin
im leaving my house, i dont think ill be back, my parents are fighting again, my mom blames me for whenever my brother is mad. I hope that in some miricle that they find this and read this article. Im not writing anymore posts i dont believe. I dont know where im going, but i know that im starting @ the catholic church..... there are things i need to take care of before i go. ive wanted to move from here for so long, i dont remember. I dont believe that neone understands my pain, what has happened, what ive done, what ive seen, what has happened inside of me a long time ago. I was really happy, once. I blame myself for the incident with austin, i blame myself for jessie's turning into the thing she hates, i truely dont believe that i was really wanted and that i was a mistake or an accident, surely enough, i dont care. Its not like any of this shit i put on this page matters, everyone else will go their own seperate ways and live there lives. Unfortunately my life is on the verge of reconing. I said this once before, " Assumption is the begining of all wars ". I think i have lost this war and now its my time to retreat. if i was an accident and magically i sum how pleased my parents with my good grades for them to treat me like normal, i hope ur reading this now. Im losing parts of my memory and i dont remember much. Jobs and Straight A's dont matter to me nemore. if life is going to be horrible and unending, why should life go on by passing. If death is apperent to neone, let it be cancer, or some unorthodox reason, and to all those lucky readers who are reading this, and you say taht this doesnt make anysense to u, listen, the world doesnt make sense, but life goes on unfortunatley and it sux. But if it happens it happens , and sometimes, ITS AN ACCIDENT LIKE ME, or is it? let me know when u find the truth.
there is none is there..... how can something be true if its taught to u and not proven? hmm.... i dont know but ive been trying to solve this question for a while. I give up. So mom or dad, if ur reading this by some apperent anomoly, think about waht i have gone through and waht i have experienced. read all my other posts. Ask brother, he's the gifted child right?