Sunday, January 15, 2006

   company...
well well welll i have company visiting from corpus and i have to acy straight doesn't that just suck... well i guess that's just my lot in life.. pretending to be someone that i'm not... man i wish things didn't have to be this way and i could be as gay as i wanted to be and not have anyone care what they think but too bad that's no how things work now shit... now that i think about it... it really makes me mad some times ya know? fuck.. i'm heated now and now i need to take my meds.. yes take my meds all because of my motherfucking ex ... damn her and her gf to hell for the rest of eternity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AH! now i'm really mad and for no reason too!! no one did anything to me but i'm just mad as all hell can be ... grr... i need to just chill oh well i'll work on that laters... and look at it this way...i'm not wanting to cut myself again i just want to hurt my ex and her dick sucking money wanting pussy whipped bitch of a gf... wow that went on forever didn't it lol that felt great now i already feel better but who doesn't like meds with their eggs and toast in the morning ::holds up her meds and thumbs:: mmmm meds!!!

lol jk

::huggles everyone who reads this::
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Saturday, January 14, 2006

   la...
i don't know why i'm feeling like this but i just feel so blah... i don't know why i feel like this i'm guess like "i want to do something" but i don't have anything to go do bleh oh well maybe i'll go do something with my family laters
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Friday, January 13, 2006

   well..
well peoples... i broke down again.. i wanted to cut myself again... that's right i said again ... this is starting to get way out of hand but what am i supposed to do here?! i mean honestly i can't control myself anymore and it's starting to really suck alot.. i mean i scared people today because it was so bad... i don't know what to do with myself... i really think i need to go back to L.R. but that's just me i really think that it'll help me but friends tell me that i'm stonger then that but i really don't know about that.. i mean if i was really stronger then that then i don't know...wouldn't i be able to control myself?i would think so but then again that's just me talking again... someone tell me what they think.. like honestly i don't know what to do with myself besides trying to send myself back to l.r. but i know that if i go back my friends might be mad at me for not pulling through my problems on my own but what can i say really? i need help people why doesn't anyone understand that? i really do need help right now so what do i do ... i'm so confused

::huggles everyone who reads this::
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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

   *sigh*
Well people today was a better day then yesterday. in case anyone cares... ya know i really don't know why i like to write down my feelings but it really helps... alot believe it or not.. and right now i'm feeling kinda angry again.. as usual... simply because ..ummm... well next thursday i'm going to miss some school because i'm going to go to the dentist to have my teeth worked on... in other wordsi mean i'm going to have needles... fucking needles but yeah anyways that's all i really have to say for now ... unless i come up with something laters... i lub everyone who reads this *huggles*
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

   *sighs*
I've had a few people ask me what the other day's post was all about so here's the whole real story...

The other day i had a break down... so bad that i called my sister a slut and i made my dad leave the house just to get away from me... i was already out my window and ready to start walking when i came back in just to get some shoes and when i tried to leave again my mother wouldn't let me.. well that lead to argueing and more choas and that ultimately lead to my mother calling the cops on me. when the cops came one of them name ramierez was talking to me trying to calm me down and the other was talking to my parents (hernandez) well then hernandez went to me and started talking to me... but he made everything worse so i started to yell at him.. after he got out of my face i finished talking to rameriez which calmed me down enough to where i could control myself once again... but all the while i was thinking about how bad i wanted to cut myself and how good it might have felt which scared me the most... i don't want to go back to laurel ridge but i fear i might end up there if i don't get some help soon...

there's my story i hope it doesn't disturb too many people but i know it will so please forgive me *huggles everyone that reads this*
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Monday, January 9, 2006

   lalala...
Sorry it's been so long since i've written in here but oh well i'm sure everyone will forgive me...

I haven't had much to write about until now... i mean now i have a special someone and everyone know's who she is and yeah. i love and adore her what can i say... and really i'm sure that some people on here don't really like it but hey what can i say i'm not really here to please you now am i?... sorry that sounded really harsh.. i'm guessing you can tell that i'm not in the best of moods but oh well... yesterday my mother called the cops on me because i threatened to run away... i had left the house and was ready to leave but i came back for my stuff and my parents wouldn't let me leave again... she wanted me to go back to L.R. but i didn't let her take me although i feel like i need to go back soon if things don't start to get better...oh well the bell is about to ring i'll write more laters
::muah:: :-*
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Friday, November 25, 2005

   NO MEDS...
damn right now i'm really on edge and i don't know what to do... i don't want to blow up but like in all honesty i don't know how to keep myself form losing it... i feel like i can cuss out someone right here right now...anyone wanna volunteer!? just kidding... or am i... anyways this is helping me...just hearing the clicking of the keys is calming me down ... don't ask me how or why but it is... okay... now i can breath again ... bai peoples... well for now.
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Tuesday, November 1, 2005

   *whines*
i'm tired of eating ramen and rottini!!! that's all i've been eating for the past three days and if it isn't that it's the fact that i can't keep anything down!!! Grrr i wish someone would call me and calm me down cause this is really startin to piss me off pretty bad...
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Sunday, October 30, 2005

   wow...
i'm sitting here hitting on a twenty year old girl... i need to stop someone help me lol
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   hmm... what to do...
*sighs* i love my mother... so much... but how am i supposed to be a DARK fairy with wings that are purple and baby blue? O_o? lol i love that she was thinking about me but what was i supposed to do i mean i ...er there's gonna be a double negitive here but... i can't not wear the wings that she got for me know what i mean? i mean she tried and i can't let her down by not wearing the wings... she seems to think it looks cute but hmm... i'll have to improvise...*grabs a spray can with black paint* just kidding... hmm i don't know maybe i'll be different and just do something different who knows... why be the same right...





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