Monday, February 19, 2007

finally got my wondow open......summer must really be coming soon, or at least i hope......i may not be anything to be proud of, greg, but you should not worry so much. i aree that i made a couple mistakes that night, as i have in the past, but you have made the same exact mistakes, if not worse. only, you do not refer to them as mistakes when u do it. i don't like it, but it is your life and i realize that and i leave u alone. tis not like u would ever listen to what i thought was best for you. that does not mean i will not listen to you. i know i made a mistake, and i don't want to make the same one again. either way, i'm sorry for being irresponsible and immature, and i'm sorry for running away. and if u do end up getting mad at me for that, or just plain telling me not to do it again, or whatever it may be, i am not going to be as childish as i was today in my response. i won't run away, and i won't get mad. i know that if u are in any way dissapointed or simply affected in an unpleasant way, whether that means u are angry or anything of the sort, you always have a reason. i'm sorry for messing up, thought i don't think u will end up reading this, i guess tis a chance....
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i did it..............i am kinda getting better, i think.........i hope anyways............wish he could see................freak out with me...........scared all the time.................darkness brings surprise.................i just don't know what to say..............



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Sunday, February 18, 2007

i pray to god that all will become well again. i pray that you will be allright. i pray for all of them. i am trying. i found out what it was today. at least what i think it is. you are becoming worse. you all are. except for one. two. both of the three. they are getting better, i think.both are happy. dissapointment, definetly. scared, confused. headaches. enternity. happy? hopeful. hopeless. praying. hopeing. missing. oh, very much missing. more and more every single day passing. wishing, dreaming. tis worth it? yes, i think so. everything happens for a reason. oh, but still, very mmch always missing. no matter what. thinking and missing and wanting. crying? no. wanting? most of time, yes. i do not want the world the same way pumkin does. i want the world for it's true beauty. i do not want to control it or posess it. i simply want to explore and learn it. quite like i would a mate. i think, that is how i need to learn. i do not want to own or control a mate. simply explore and learn one. i hope to learn the world. as always. still headaches. still sadness and wanting. still missing. there is so much missing, i find myself unable to miss the missing. tis always there. for all of them. understands? a little bit. but not all of it. i just don't know what to say or what to feel. guide me?
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Saturday, February 17, 2007

i jsut dont know what to say anymore. was a fun party. did not get drunk, like most. tried some things for the first time. that was gross. hehe. either way, i was a little dissapointed that greg left before i got there, cuz i likeses it when he is there. many odd things happened last night. i am quite happy. ben was kinda out of it last night. it was fun trying to dragg him literally to heathers bed. after that, colin had to help me put his pants back on. i missed colin soooo much! and darren is now my sunshine^^. aaron kept his promise........i dont know what to say no mores. i think i happy about it. got invited to another party tonight, like a week ago, actually, so not yesterday. but yea, said no, just cuz parents not too okay with it. for seriouse, i really wished i had hung out with greg at the party. i missed him :( well, anyways, i am off^^ all is well with the world today, i think. or at least i hope.
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i wonder how many of them will even remeber that party.........
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Thursday, February 15, 2007

rip my heart out and feed my soul to the devil......
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same thing over and over again......
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

oh such sorrow, such joy. in the world today, there is no grey, only black and white. only one or two. no in-between. happy valentine's day everyone, hope u got the side u chose.
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

oh, such a long time it has been, such a long way i have gone, since then. tis almsot scary to think, what could have happened if things might have gone a little differently.....
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sorry....

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