Thursday, January 26, 2006

hay everybody? how is your morning up to now(if u area alreday awake)? mine is going great! it,s been less then an hour since i woke up and i am feeling wonderful! lol

so yea, french exam starts at 9, and it 8 now. i a little nervouse, but not really. any of you have exams today?

i am still confundled about everything concerning travis. i am determined to figure this out, cuz i hate being confused.

i may go see my dad this weekend. i hope so. i miss him. alot. my mom wants to tell him about everything that happened. i figure, i've let so many people down lately, and since he doesn't know me pretty much, then he does`'t need to know. fuck, this is why u don't tell your parents anything! they fuck things up so much!

anyways, i am going to go and read my book now. byebyes everyone.
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Monday, January 23, 2006

i don't know what's wrong with me no mores. when i talk to him, all i wanna do is yell at him. i kinda little scared. cuz i do yell at him, but at same time i wanna hug him and not let go. i'm not his anymore. still he is hurting me so fucking much. does love exist?

i am going to go pour out my heart to my other site now, before i start here. byes. cya laters ppl.
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Friday, January 20, 2006

i'm not going to write much about my feeling and what i thnk and feel o here. seems to be confusing people. whatever. i'll still wright, just not the same kind of stuff.

anyways, yea. how was everybody's day today? i was wrestling with bryce and greg today. fun. sigh. anyways, gtg, in class. hope you all have a good weekend.
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HAPPY BIRTH-DAY GREG!
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three things...
HAPPY BIRTH-DAY GREG!
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

i' so sorry. i didn't want to dissapoint anyone. i need help to make this good again. please, help me. i'm terrified. i don't know what to do. i cried so much, and i still want to cry. it's all my own fault. i messsed it up myself. i'm so sorry. god, i'm so sorry.
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all i feel like doing is crawling in a corner to hide. i want to cry. i'm scared. i don't know what to think, what to say. i don't understand what's happening. my heart seems as if it's being wrenched from my chest. i hate it all. god, save me. bring me away from here. my world is crashing down. i'm so scared.
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   i dont know what i've done...
i'm scared.i told my parents about all of it. about the cutting, about travis, about absolutely everything. i don't know what they are going to do. my mom had no idea about my cutting. she was crying so much. i'm so sorry. i've let them all down. i'm so scared.

i haven't seen glenn since i told mom and she told him. i have no idea how he is going to react. it was him and justin and dad i was afraid to tell. they are my heros. justin doesn't know, neither does dad. doesn't matter if dad knows, he doesn't know even half of the stuff about me. i am really worried my brother's going to find out. he is like a god in my eyes.

it was my own fault, all of it. i was confused and scared and didn't deal with it as i should. it was stupid and i want it all to be better again. mom said she and glenn will always be there to help me get back on track.
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

its out of our hands, we can't stop what we have began. i guess love just took me by surprise, looknig through your eyes.

you broke my heart. yet, it is in your hands. please, if you love me as i still love you, help me heal it. stay with me, my love, my sweetheart. make my heart whole again.

running, branches scraping my face and arms as i wrestle through the thick tangle of trees. my brother, my spirit running beside me.

fuck off, i'll take you on! get the fuck out of my face. this is not my home. i fucking hate you.


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like every tree, stands on it's own. reaching for the sky i stand alone. i share my world with no one else, all by myself. i stand alone.

i like that song. although, it is not me, i still like it. i've always envied that sort of solitude.

i am writing a story for my french exam. about drake and alex. i don't know why. drake, alex, merric, edmond. it's a story about love and adventure and death and betrayal and friendship. most of all love. no big suprise, it's all i ever like to write about! love and adventure. fuck im pathetic.

i got slightly sick yesterday, so that it was hard to breath. was on the phone with trav when it started. he thought i was really hurting. i don't blame him, i couldn't breath, but it didn't hurt.
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