Sunday, November 20, 2005

je t'aime ma belle, comme le soleil aime la lune, comme la rose aime la petite pluie d'ete, comme le poisson aime l'eau.


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Saturday, November 19, 2005

i tried not to, but i wasn't thinking. i shouldn't have done it. i'm doing to get into trouble. they are going to find out. i knew i had to go. i don't want him to find out. he will tell her. and if she knows, she will be so dissapointed in me. i don't want her to be dissapointed in me again. all i wanted, i was screaming, i don't understand, i wish i didn't understand, i finally did what i said i wouldn't do, i am not strong, i am weak, if i was strong, i wouldn't have done it.
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Thursday, November 17, 2005

bunch of parts of lyrics
baby, your all that i want..when your lying here in my arms..it was only you and me...wild and free..just to be alone....and you scream at mee....i know your not there....i know you don't care...no matter how hard i try.....i think i'm better off alone..i don't know why...and u made me cry...when u went away...u stayed away so long...come back my dear...my heart is aching...almost breaking...if u hear me....come back to me..lost without you....can't find my way...help me,save me...when i am down....when troubles come...my heart burdened me...im still waiting...in the silence...come and sit with me...walk on stormy seas...i am strong...when i am on your shoulders...more then i can be...can't bring me down..god is always with you...let it shine before all men....let him glorify the lord...the only light we'll see....i won't be afraid...i won't shed a tear...stand by me...everybody wants to be loved...e all need someone to hold on to..let me know it's allright...scream!....i fucking hate you...all you need is love...love lifts us up where we belong.....i was meant for loving you baby...you were meant for loving me...idon't leave me this way...i can't survive...i can't survive, without your sweet love..oh baby, don't leave me this way..i look around me and i see it isn't so...well whats wrong with that? ...love makes us act like we are fools...throw our lives away, for one happy day....baby im not that strong...im walking wounded, all alone...writing on the wall...heaven's coming down..there is nothing to prove..it feels like...it's just a warnning sign..toss overboard...i see your fantisy, wanna make it a reality baby...fuck off!!!!!...i know that you are wrong....back off..this is not where i belong!
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Sunday, November 13, 2005

i'm trying not to cry, trying to make myself angry, so that i don't cry. every time u speak, it makes me so much more angry. every time u take a breath, makes me so much more miserable. when u finally fuck off and leave me alo0ne, i turn up my music and sing, try to keep myself from bursting to tears, for i don't really hate you, i'm just trying not to cry. u don't know any of this. thank god for that. i keep on singing, as loud as i can. i'm trying so hard not to cry. i'm choking on the unshead tears, screaming my heart out. loosing my voice. can't pass the lump in my throat. why do u always do this to me?! i don't understand. but whatever i do, i can't cry. i won't let myself cry. this is too damned heard! i don't sleep anymore, i don't spend even one day without a headache. but i can still handle it. i haven't cried yet. i can still hold.
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Wednesday, November 9, 2005

something is going wrong with me, i dunno what. i'm supposed to be happy now^^i don't know why i'm not. before, i would be happy just thinking of walking home, but now, all day i'm depressed and all i wanna do is see him and be with him. i don't know whats wrong with me. i've been getting headaches more then once everyday like it just keeps been coming back, and no amount of medicine is helping at all, it just keeps coming back. has been for a litle more then a week. i've been depressed as hell the past 2 days, and still i unno why. anyways, i miss you like crazy love^^and can't wait to see you^^even only for a little bit^^. hope to talk to u soon little brother, i need a good smile^^
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Monday, November 7, 2005

i'm in computer class right now and kinda a little bored. i was kinda sad a few days ago, but now i ok i guess. people keep thinking i'm starving myself, and i can't understand why. i don't usually eat breakfast and i sometimes eat lunch, if i have something. if not, i just go through the time at school hungry but once i get home i eat supper, well, not right when i get in but like at supper time and i eat a big supper, i mean, i eat as much as my brother for crying outloud! anyways, i'm going to reiki after school again, and tomorow i'm going to supper with dad after improv wich is after school. i guess i'll have fun. i hope my brother is coming too cuz yea, i like it when he tags along with us two cuz makes things less oddening i guess sometimes. anyways, yea, i gotta go back to class now, cuz we have some sort of project the teacher wants us to read bout cuz he a sub and we're goina start once mseu comes back.i miss you love and i miss you lil'bro, really hope to talk to u soon.
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Friday, November 4, 2005

ever since i went to that place, she helped me realize, or simply remeber, that i am not alone. even if the people whom i thought cared about me suddenly tell me otherwise, even if i loose the people whom i think of as family, i still am not alone. i wish i knew his or her name. she tells me there is one very powerful woman who can help me, but she not sure if she has passed to the next world yet, returned to the univers. well, whoever they are, i am greatfull to them, for without knowing what i know now, i would surely have been much worse off. thank you.
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there was no reason for not eating today until supper, i just wasn't hungry for breakfast and didn't bring a lunch, and after school i felt sa if i was going to pass out from headache, sleepiness and a cold. lol. ohwell. i fine now^^please don't worry.
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once again today i know not how to feel. yesterday, i became a patient for cranial psychro(i don't really know how to spell it) but it still didn't get rid of my headache, but today it's gone for now, so i feel ok. although i'm quite hungry. that's my own fault for not eating today. ohwell, i'll eat later tonight. i mean, like at 7:30 ish maybe, for supper. i don't know if i'm making supper for myself again or not. whatever. anyways, i have an overall agerave of 83,7% in info class. lol. cya all later^_^
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i'm in gym class right now^^finnished a test and the teacher let me off early. i'm in the library with meggie. i'm trying to find out the name of my guardian angel, but with no such luck. i'm also trying to learn how to let my spirit out free, but it's begining to confuse me though. right now, i feel as if my spirit and my body are one, that my spirit is already free and living through my body. i'm having trouble understanding the concept of letting out my spirit, for i think, my spirit chose this particular body, or host. i think the spirit within me chose myself and my family and the people around me for a reason. chose this time in life for a reason. i really want to know more things about my guardian angel, and i think i know just the person to help me. mmm. i love life! have a nice day^-^
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