Sunday, September 30, 2007

your wrong you know. you are all wrong. you still dont know. hurts like hell to kow wht it is u do think.

better thing tho. things are all better. they are all fixed. no secrets, and no lies. i am happier now. he is happy too. proud like mad of aaron and the cute girl. happy with josh. alot better than have been at most times. missing travis. wanna talk to him. jsut to make it better. i dont know what i have to make better, but i want to. it would be nice to make everything right again with everything. i already have alot done, but there is still more to do. it will get better tho. i feel much better now. thank you for yesterday. thanks fo the talk.
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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

omg. confusion of hell. fuck you all. ^^
i had a good day, but except for little people thiking i am going with the one i am not syupposed to and the other one is the one i am with. it makes no sense at all. im sorry, chocolate pudding, that i hurt you so, ut i love you like mad, so dont be afraid. you are my best friend. they all got it wrong. i have been a bad girl, but not with him^^if any of you think i have done something wrong, why dont u just ask me. that is what my animal did^^ omg, u stupid like fuck!
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Monday, September 24, 2007

what the fuck?1 why cant anything ever stay okay for a little while? everything always gets so fucking messed up and i agree with both of you in a way so fuck you both and leave me the fuck out of it because i am fucking tired with drealing with everyone else's shit and for fucks sake i dont give a shit if i am dead to you because it was my dad calling the night before that made me react that way and u dont know shit about me so it doesnt fucking matter anyways, none of you do. for fucks sake would u please stop making this so fucking hard on me?! u are my best friend and i dont understand how i should fix it and i dont know how but this fucking hurts like a fucking bitch and i fucking hate it so please just stop for fucks sake cuz i am fucking tired of all u shitheads telling me how much life fucking sucks! i dont give a fucking shit how bad u think your life is because a certain guy didnt call you, or because your mom wont let you do whatever the hell u want or because u dont get enough attention. i am fucking tired of hearing that bullshit. sometimes i wish someone close to you would just die in the worst possible time, so them maybe u would have a reason to bitch about something. i wish something bad would actually happen to you, something real. not this fucking high-school bullshit and all that. i dont want anything bad to happen to any of you , i am jsut mad because u are all fucking retards and dont fucking know it. i may be a retard sometimes myself, but at least i know it. you are all so fucking ignorant its not even funny. you dont get your own fucking faults. u cant see anything but what is in your own little world. fucking get over yourself already.
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Friday, September 21, 2007

i think that even if things are this way, i can make it better. i will not settle on a life without happiness. i am not like you. i am not like all of you who just decide, im depressed and my life sucks. i am happy, and if i was you i would easily find something to complain about, but i am not. my life is fucking amazing, and i really am happy.

im still worried about you...
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

there are so many things happenining, its hard to keep up. i am not even talking about work and school, though i am having trouble with them both aswell. everybody has something happening in their life. i am torn between wanting to go to travis, and trying to help him, and leaving him alone and not causing any trouble for him. i dont know what to do, and i worry every day about it. i wish i wasnt so useless sometimes...

aaron is working just as much as i am lately. more, actually. i think that he can handle it, but i dont like the look of that slow walk or the bags under his eyes. luckily, he only is like that some of the time.

josh has so much drama. i cant really explain it any other way. drama. so much is always happening and aparently its my fault for part of it, though he wont admit it. i never thought i was that bad, but i guess they thik i am even worse.

it kinda didnt surprise me of them, because i had already known this about them, but it did surprise me of greg. i mean, i have hated him for a while, and he knows it, but i didnt expect this at all. but i am happy for him now, because he has a new beautiful gf. that will be good for him^^

you know, everyone i know hates the other person i know. i really dont get it. they didnt even know eachother before me. like what the fuck? leave eachother alone for christ sake. i don't get it at all. i have no problem at all with travis. i have no problem at all with aaron. i have no problem at all with greg and i have no problem at all with josh. anyone else i should have a problem with? i dont think any of them have a problem with greg C-P. maybe th3ey do, i dont fucking know. i get the fact that some people are just not meant to get along, but this is going a little bit overboard, doncha think? should i jsut give up? is that what they are telling me? should i just leave and stop trying to be happy, so that they could all be happy, killing eachother for no good reason. ...sigh...whatever. too early in the morning to think about this.

i know i have no reason to be, because of who he is, but i am a little worried about greg C-P. he doesnt sound all that happy, but then gaain, i am not the best at reading people. i just hope he is ok. i never see him no mores, and last time we hung out i was all bitchy and stuff, so it barely even counted. i jsut hope he is ok.

there is much more i want to write about, like why i didnt get a particular phone call, and who it is i would like to get in touch with, a nd why it is i cant look into their eyes without revealing this, and much much more of that sort, but i think it may be a little bit too depressing for morning. dont want to make everyone have a bad day. i love you ALL, no matter what you think. you are all amazing creatures that deserve no less then to be happy, though i don't think any of you think that way. fucking pesimists. hehe jk. i hope everyone in the world has a wonderful day today, one that might give your heart some rest, and maybe help you move on to the nest thing you have to work out, but move on with a true smile of the heart, and loveing thoughts in your mind. maybe one day some of you will realize how amazing and beautiful the world is. if you haven't already, that is.
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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

i really dont know what to do. wish i was cutting again. it would make like so much easier right about now. i cant believe u are drinking. im sorry i messed things up. im ood at that, remeber? that was a great almost-seven monthes tho. i misss you. i think im okay the way things are now tho. hardest thing i have had to do in a while......


kill me
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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

i may aswell be on thoses fucking pills myself. what is wrong with me? i don't know what to do.....
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Thursday, August 30, 2007

oh goodness. what am i going to do now?
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Monday, August 27, 2007

u really dont know what i am thinking. if you knew what i thought of today....well.....i dont think u could bring yourself to speak to me anymore. everything is changing so fast. there is something wrong with my mind.......no normal person would ever think that....
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Saturday, August 25, 2007

hope u all choke on your own balls and die!
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