Sunday, May 8, 2005

. Yuki asked me why I hung out with travis today. All i wanted was to be myself again, and with travis i can do that. He didnt ask anything of me at all. we barely said anything that made sense. but we talked alot. nothing mattered but the damned rock, or the floating stick. He didnt ask me anything, didnt expect anything.he didnt ask me what was wrong, he didnt ask me anything. we just hung out and for once, i wasnt expected to do anything. all i had to do was be there and i was there and for the first time in a long time, things werent screwed up. i forgot about everything and just hung out with a friend. God i missed that so damned much. I was going crazy. everywhere i go, i need to do something for someone. i never mind it but ofcourse, half the time i fuck up so badly and then, i ruin people's life. Travis was smiling for no reason the whole time! i finally found someone who doesnt need a reason to smile. i wish i could meet felipe and dae. they know so much about me. at the same time, they know absolutely nothing. just like him. only a few people in this world who know what im thinking all the time. He once said something bout it being easy to know what i mean or what im thinking. know what im feeling. bullshit! he think he know, but actually, he know nothing in that sense. people always think they know what is going through my mind or what is going on in y heart. well, nobody from here does. travis know alot more then he does though. i didnt tell him at all, he figured it out by talking to me. he understands what i mean when i talk. so does felipe. he told me i dont tell him much. well, maybe, there are things people have to find out by themselves, or maybe, these things arent even important! If shley were here, she would know what i mean. I could take what he thinks about what im feeling and thinking, then take what she knows im feeling or thinking, and compare them. total opposites! and i like it that way. tis the way it should be.
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i don't think i've ever wanted to die any more then i do now. it would make everyones life so much better, so much happier. i still havent cried, but i came close. im sure he's mad at me now. i dont understand why though. i guess just having me in his life is ruining his life more by the minute. people are so fucking stupid to get involved with me. fuck, if my parents were smarter they would have killed me year ago. i wish they had. i think the only person who's life i havent ruined yet is travis and felipe and dae. i guess its why i like talking to them so much, and hanging out with travis. cant hang out with felipe or dae. they live all the way in chilie. i dont think travis will mind if i leave. it will make everybody's life much better. i dont think im going to run away thouh. i dont want any chance of these people seeing me again. there is only one way for me to go away and never come back. i wish i didnt have to do it myself, but i guess i brought it upon myself. the sooner the better i think. ohwell. byebyes
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had fun ish day. did a bunch of homework then had food then cleaned stuff like camper cuz i was sleeping in the camper for the weekend and twas very fun cuz twas like a house for two days and watched movies till 3 am almost and it rained on me yesterday and twas cold when i woke up. then i had to clean the camper so i did a nd then i got bored and then i went to rock street with travis and then mika and yeah.
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Tuesday, May 3, 2005

I just read my own posts and I realized how sinfully boring my site is! Well, i guess im just a really boring person. ohwell. anyways, just sitting here, at home, being bored. i really do have no life. actually, that not true. i used to have no life, until i started going out with him, and started rugby and improv and volunteer and crappy underpain torture.haha. i am to go now peoples. byebyes

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Saturday, April 30, 2005

okay so yeah and im at my daddy's house and tis really purty awesome cuz me helpin' him with redoing crap and stuff like renovations and i em wrtin' now cuz wanna tell mika not to expect me to be at practice on sunday and also not to be on msn fer the wekkend cuz me ehre and no is msn here only hotmail inbox thingie and yah. miss him and always do. lov you all people here!
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Thursday, April 28, 2005

i finnised the puzzle and twas an angel and twas so kewl! yeeeees, im go nna go now, byebyes people!
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Saturday, April 23, 2005

okay so yeah. im sitting in my computer room, talking to felipe and him, wearing my p.j's and a trench coat. you know, i could fall asleep wearing nohing but this coat it is so damned comfty. haha. anyways, he asked me to update me otaku so i did, even tho im talking to him at the same time. i miss him soo much and am always thinking of him. i hope he can come on monday. i em to go now so i can talk to him more.
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Friday, April 22, 2005

okay so yeah, im not allowed on the computer but im on it now cuz nobody's home so yeah. talking to him on msn and he told me that i should update my otaku so here i em. think travis is upto something real bad. hope not tho, if anythingt happened to him, i'd be real sad. i know my master would be too. if anything happened to him, i would probably copy whatever it is that travis is planning, excpet worse. i dont think anything bad will happen to any of them. i hope not anyways. okay, change of subject...dogs are cute. puppies are cute too. pictures of babies are creepy and they scare me. dools come alive in the night and crawl out of you closet or toy box and they musrder you and then do this creepy thing where they turn their head all round like howels .
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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

okay so im not supposed to be on the computer but meh. if my master is reading this, my mom may be cancelling the internet so i may not be allowed on msn. i keep telling him thats tisd not that big a deal, tis just he still dont understand. ohwell, i guess people nowadays make big deals bout nothing. ohwell, still adore him and always thinking of him. im kinda bored. talking to him on msn but he on the phone so he dont say anything much, just lol and cool basicazlly. ohwell, he should be off the phone soon. i really need a life. think im gonna go talk to dae now. byes people.
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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

okay so yeah, im in detention right now and im bored out of my mind! i just went to his otaku(cuz i just found out he had one) and he mentioned me init and twas funny. and i got kissed on the cheek today by my master. twas hilariouse!!! i really miss him. im always thinking of him, of course. still thinking of him. tis 4:21 pm and im at skewl being bored. im supposed to be doing work but i dont wanna. then again, i cant really do any work at all cuz i dont have a pancarte and i need a pancarte to do my project. I keep having to change my page all the time cuz short scary guy, not tall creepy guy, short scary guy keeps coming into the room. to make surew were all working. haha, i feel soo sneeky, this is great! I should git detention more often. tis awesome way to spend a hour and something minutes! i really should be working on my project and i would but i left my pancarte at home so yeah. wish i was with him right now. ohwell, can`t get everything you want all the time. i misss him still tho. i have to learn to think before i talk! i usually just keep talking and not realize even what im saying. i hope i didnt make him mad by something i said. some things i say without meaning them and tis an accident to say cuz i dont even think them even!i can goi now from ehre so byebyes people!!!
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