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Birthday
• 1990-11-08
Gender
• Female
Location
• winnipeg
Member Since
• 2005-04-04
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• Receptionist
Real Name
• Kationok

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Achievements
• Been to Hell and back
Anime Fan Since
• 2001
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• princess mononoke, dragon booster, spirited away, inuyasha, ect...
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• Live my life to the fullest
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• Adventure seeking, reading, driving to unkown smokin up and listening to music
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• Adaptability and Strength




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myOtaku.com: ange-noire


Tuesday, March 6, 2007

now i know what he meant by push him away. i fucking know now. is this the lesson
/ is this what i am supposed to learn? i want you to fucking push me away and feel the fucking pain now! i dont want to feel it later! i trust people too fucking easy and i get hurt too fucking easy and i just fucking hate this! i jsut dont know what to do i am so mixed up. you know what? drink! and fucking cut! and get high and sleep aro8nd! you can do it. so can i , you motherfucker. i just dont know what to say. i want is to happen so badly. i want you to hurt me. i want you to push me away and just leave me alone. nothing has happened yet, and still, i am hurting. nothing will happen, and still i am hurting.i just do not know.

he is my comfort. he is the one i lean on. you tell me you are always there for me. you all say this. i do not want to lean on you. i want to lean on him. and i do. he does not even know it. i keep getting hurt. it doesnt fucking matter. i tried to be happy. it didnt work. i leaned on him. before this, i leaned on him. i wore him on me. i took comfort from his presence. his memories. i take comfort from his smile. his name. i dont know what to do now....i am loosing them both. my present and futur. i am loosing them both. the only one that remains is my past. you cannot take away my past. it is mine. the memories are mine to do with what i will. you cannot take away that small comfort. that vital part of me. i dont know how i would have done without that part of me. without thoses many thoughts. without that reserve of smiles and happiness. without that comfort. that luxury that i am so very lucky to have within me.


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