Tuesday, April 10, 2007

there is nothing to explain. so many of you. even my chocolate pudding. i don't care about drugs, and if u say u like the pain, then fine. i don't give a shit anymore. i am not going to let you ruin my life.

i gave a book to my chocolate pudding. i hope he likes it. he got to page 100 yesterday and said it was pretty good, but i8 mean i hope he likes what it turns into. it kinda weird book, but i still love it.

i think i like it better when u cannot see me, or read my eyes or my body. it is the way mot of the time, except for sometimes greg, and more often my chocolate pudding. i always keep my guard up now, but i try not to with chocolate pudding. its hard tho. once your guard is up, its hard to let it down again.

i really hope it doesn't happen. my mom right now, and my dad. in the kitchen maybe? i wonder if i am brought up by either of them right now. coffee? crying? scared? whatever. doesn't matter. asked me what i thought of it. said i don't know. said i will do wahatever you decide.

you say that u understand. u ask if i know yet. you do not understand. am i pregnant? have i ever been high? drunk? am i making it into a habit? if i am not pregnant, am i sexually active? do i skip school without you knowing? do i go to the bureau twenty minutes after class begins and tell them i am late, and to change it on the sheet? then just stay out? where am i going at lunch today? will i be at school? do i actually have drivers after shool? where am i going after? is it actually two hours long? or am i just telling u that? what doo i do when u are at work? what do i not tell my best friend? do i have secrets? can u answer any of these questions surely? do you know the real answers? or are u jsut guessing? u sure what i tell you is the truth? u sure i have never been drunk? do you nowq what i did last night? was i really asleep in my bed? what color are my eyes? do i ever wear contacts? why am i wearing glsasses? is it because my eyes jsut became blind? or did i make them that way on purpose? did i wear my grampa's glasses every day, to make my eyes go bad? did my brother spray windex in my eyes when i was a kid? why am i weraring long sleeves so much lately? have you checked? did police come to my house to look for drugs or knives? did they find anything? do i have a knife of my own? if the police did come, did they take it? did i use it? where is my family today? can u stop telling me understand? because i can guarentee that u did not answer even half of theses right, unless maybe u are my chocolate pudding, and even he did not answer all of these right. why do i only talk to him? do i have secrets from him aswerll?
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