Friday, April 20, 2007

about 50% of you can answer the question i am thinking about. I wanted it to be much less then that. You say u are sorry, but the you do the same thing over again. i am completely ignored by the one i wish would pay attention to me. and you, you finally have given me a little peace. i can tell all of you for sure that you do not understand. except for maybe one of you. but i have not stared into your warm but freezing black eyes in so long. i have not seen you in so long. it scares me to think it will be long still before i get to talk to you again or see you. thank you for not forgetting me...

she is doing, once again, what she thinks is right. she is hoping for what she thinks is best, or what she thins will make her the happiest. i only hope that nothing goes too wrong this time. i miss her, even though i don't think she would believe me if i told her so....

i have not felt this way in a long time. i fell for it again. more stupidly this time. i don't know what to believe. i don't want to believe that that is the reason for it. i really hope it is not the reason for this friendship. but what if it is? why do i know i would not be in any way surprised? and why does that bother me so? i do not want it to be that way again. it always has been that way. thirteen! that is one more then twelve. no fucking duhh, i guess u are thinking. but you do not understand. none of you fucking understand and i am fucking happy of that fact! can u tell i am happy? you motherfucking jerk. i sincearly hope i am wrong on this, because i really did think this one was different. there has been one that i do not regret. i want mine back to yesterday. i do not want to be right. i kiss the air for a passing crow and talk more to myself then anyone else. i sing now, to have something to concentrate on other then this. i tell myself this is differnt. i do not know now if i believe it. i just want you to see me but you don't. you have not spoken to me in how long? you did not look at me. you have any idea how hard it was hitting me? how much it hurt? i have never been this way since then. i hate the fact that i cannot hate you. i miss you so much. i continue to pray, talk to crows and trees and any living thing near me other then humans. if you want to know my deepest secret, you have no farther to look but the sky, or the earth, or the passing crows. i am so sorry...
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