Thursday, February 9, 2006

you always say different. can`t u see how wrong u are??? i can`t say it enough, you don,t understand. at least one of you is partly right. not that it makes any difference. u both drive me crazy. all three of u. i dont fucking care if im not making any sense. you are so wrong about all of it, you have no clue whatsoever, u are so far from what it really is that it makes me want to cry. literally!

i'm all mixed up like crazy. a bunch of shit with my family, then this crap. whatever. i can handle it on my own. im proud of myself. i haven't told anybody what i'm really talking about overhead. i mean, the people who hurt me most are the people less aware of my pain. it no matter though. i will feel better soon enough, as long as my plans work.

i find choir quite boring now. the teacher isn't strict enough. we don't get any work done. whatever. i am just mad because i haven't been able to sing at all much, and i guess that's somethnig that i always enjoyed alot.

i can't wait to go to churche this sunday. i hope i can go. i am looking forward to it. i never used to do that before, when i did go to church. i guess it just makes me happy.

i am starting to work next week. i can't wait. i think i'm goina love working. everyone keeps downsizing the fact that i got a job, only cuz it at mcdonalds.i dunno why. i mean, i won't be making a career out of it, but it's a great start. i've always wanted to work in a restauraunt. now i will. lol, i won't get to be a waitress, but it'll be a start. once i'm old enough, i want to get a job at boston pizza or someplace like that.

mom and glenn have been talking for a while. not very seriously. they say once they are retired, both of them will still want to have something to do. they say they might buy a store, or a restaurant. then give me a job in it. once they are too old to run it, give it to me. i'd love that! i mean, i know it probably will never happen, but that would be awesome!

i guess nobody really cares about that kinda stuff. my family, and my friends dont care about all that stuff that i babble about. they, ofcourse, take the time to check my wrists and shit like that, but never do they listen nor care about even the biggest dreams. i guess it my fault. i don't really tell anyone about them. i've told my fairy about one of my biggest dreams. funny, i've never met ahmed, but he can read me better then anyone here. alot better then mom , or travis, or even greg. it don't really matter. i guess it cuz my fairy is magical. you know, one day, he will fly with me, once i learn.

i know i am talking non-sense. i don't care. if you are annoyed with me, then don,t read this crap anymore. i don't really give a fuck.
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