Sunday, April 23, 2006

i am at a friends house now, at lizbef's. i am really part of the family here66maman called me marina(little sister's name). anyways, we had an all-nighter yesterday and it was fun. we had it at church for a koz type thing but it was for bef's b-day. when i got home me and bef both got a talk. i hate boys because they all act the same. it drivs me nuts. lol, anyways, yea. pickle, is my new obsession for the next few days. don't ask why.

i am scared now. i wanna see travis. i wanna talk to greg. both gregs. (i know three now). i wanna give hug to travis, and make him stop drinking and make him feel better. i scared. i wanna see raechel again, to hang out. i wanna go spend a weekend with dad. i wanna castrate every male on this planet, just to give em something to cry about. i wanna make randy get his grocery list. i wanna hurt adame. i wanna murder jared. i am frustrated about everything and i don't wanna go home but i do at the same time. i found something travis might like. i was going to a garage sale with mom and i saw it and thought of him and bought it and i know he will hate it because it is only my own stupidity but i stilll hope he likes it for real and not fakely and i really want him to like it so much but i know he wont either way and he will say that he does and i miss him but oh my god, yesterday i wanted to kill him(don't ask) and not i wanna hug him and it always that way and i was thinking about him, i want him to watch a movie with me or cuddle with me with only that being the idea. i don't want him to even think of doing anything else, and now, after the talk i had with maman and papa, i know it is pretty much impossible to find a boy like that and i don't want just any boy, that not what i eman, but still and it drives me nuts and i wanna cry and i've wanted to cry and scream all day, and with this family, 9i can tand they will do nothing but try and make me feel better and i kinda did scream and cry a little and it made me better and i want to kill something but i wanna hu him but i dont want him to think and i want to talk to greg, because he knows wha5t is going on, he always does and i hope greg is having good time now. and i want to talk to toher greg because it just all laid back like friends and talk about anything, like i just met him and we were talking about love lives and sex and marriage and religion and life and everything with maman(we were the three that stayed up all night, everyone else had 10 minutes to an hour of sleep) and aroud 5 am we started with the important talks and then it was jsut amazing to talk things like that and it was soooo cold in that damned basement but it's perfect that way and yea. anyways, i am gone now because i am being yelled at for soemthing. hope everyone has a nice sleep,
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