Sunday, August 20, 2006

i don't fucking know why i'm feeling shittyt like this now. earlier today, i was so fucking happy all day. i was ready to go to work, even maybe have a bit of fun at work. in a wonderful fucking mood, but now fuck, a fucking swear word and om's bitching later, and i am the most fucking miserable bitch you could find. fuck! when i was gone, i was thinking of something but that. nothing but the fucking adventures and dumbass dreams that i wanted most. if only i could have told them to you before u were mad at me. you would have liked them, i think. thats all i had been thinking of all fucking weekend. nevermind the weekend, its what ithink about all the time. right now, the thought of it makes me want to, fuk i dont even know. i dont know. all i want right now is to be in that dream, on my own. i don't fucking want anybody! i dont need anybody. and i am not going to get any help from anybody either. if i want my fucking dreams to come true, i will make them come true on my own. i doubt i ever will get my dreams, but i will try with everything i have in me. one dream, has already been made impossible to reach. but not all. i am not going to let all of this shit make me give up. i refuse to give up. fine then. don't talk to me. but if i tell you something, and u know i am wrong, then instead of acting like a fucking child, prove me wrong. you wanted to gain respect? u cant get it by hiting someone i the face. you will never be respected if u keep acting like a child. u tell me u are a man. you are legally old enough. you are 18. that doesnt tell shit. why doesnt any one else understand that?! i am not yet a grown woman. u are still a child. if u want to be respected, and be treated like a man,then start acting like one. and u can get as fucking mad at me as u fucking want. i dont give a shit. u can stop talking to me completely. cut me out of your life and ignore me. fine. but that will only prove my point all the more. you are more important to me then proving a point. but this isnt about me. although its stupid to try. you'll probably just ignore me, or not read any of this, or jsut end up hating me all the more. fine. go ahead. it won't change a damned thing!
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