Sunday, November 26, 2006

feel alot weird today. cutting. screaming. running. crying. i want to do it all. cant sneek out and go to rock bridge, like i want to. dont have a bedroom door. cant cut. people have habit of keeping checks on me now. whatever. doesnt matter. dont need either. can live without them. dont know what to say. lump in my throat. all day. i found the little box with all of it in it. egyptian bookmarks. a fucking golfball. a little black heart necklace. ofcourse, the jewelry box isnt in the bos. neither is the scorpion or the round necklace with the writing on it, or the butterly, or the black diamond. the red hoodie is hanging in my closet. dont know what to do with it. so i jsut left it there, until i figure out what to do with it.

talked to adame tonight, for a few minutes. he jsut came back from his parents house. missed talking to him. ive been very odd theses past days, and i always could talk to him about my oddness.

i want to hear that song. i dont know why. i just want to hear it. maybe. i dont know.

was talking to greg today alot on the phone. he thought i was upset. i might have been but not in the way he thought. he is beggining to learn me. not anywhere near knowing me by heart yet, or knowing what im feeling, or thinking. but he is still learning. i think i am happy now. kindof. still hard to be alone all the time. \\

dont know what to say about family right now. too damned confusing. i dont even want to try.

just one thing about greg c. i like to see him smile. am happy that he is feeling happy. cant have both...

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I'd stare too long
I'd probably break down and cry


Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine


She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by


Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine


Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine

i dunno what that was about, just felt like it. if u dont like it, then fuck u i dont give a shit.

still feel like cutting. my room is painted dark blue and grey now. at least matches what i am feeling. i think grey is lively color, and blue, full of feeling. what do u think?

i think i am going to go now. i think i might stay awake all night tonight. dont feel like sleeping. feel like thinking. i dont want to start dreaming again.
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