Tuesday, September 12, 2006

   ...Blah
I still haven't been feeling well these past few days...(gah! I still haven't finished a chapter! @_@ *kicks self*) I seem to be eating less and coughing more than usual (sometimes I expect myself to hack a hairball or something...XD). But while I was getting sicker, I realized why I'm feeling this way. Apparently, I have the case of the depression bug or the "blues" as one might call it. Want to know why I got it? It's a stupid reason for me really...

See, I have a crush on a guy at my high school, even though he's at least 4 years older than me (yeh, I know...a bit of a big gap there). He's a bit taller than me, has orange-yellowish streaks in his hair that is about up to his shoulders (I sorta have a thing for guys with Sanzo-ish hair XD), good-looking (you might as well think he's a model or something), and wears an earring on one ear.

You might be thinking...this guy's a bad boy, right? Wrong...well at least that's what I think. I had this crush on him ever since he helped me at a concert (see, at our school, we have music concerts and I'm in 2 bands for trumpet and choir, so I'm moving back and forth...I sound geeky don't I? Meh...That's just one of my sides...). I was helping the band put the percussion away (since some of the percussionests seem to be lazy asses...), so I was carrying the bass drum (big thing...can hardly see past it). When I brought it into the music room and was about to put it on it's stand, someone friggen' pushed me and I lost my grip on the drum! It was that moment that I met him up close. He caught the drum before it fell and helped me put it on the stand (Back then, he had red streaks in his hair and it looks better that way in my opinion...>.>). At that instant, I felt my heart beat faster than before and...I left (coward, ain't I? I really regret that...). I thought I wouldn't see him again since he was in gr.12 that year, but apparently, he took another year of high school (he didn't fail, he wants to improve his education)...so it's kinda hard to forget my feelings for him >< (his locker is around my locker area! O_O). Also I don't know about him that much...T_T

You know what I find ironic about this? It seems that every guy that I think is cute...they speak mostly chinese (ESLers). You might think, so what's wrong with that? Well...I don't know how to speak, read or understand the language even though I'm half-chinese XD.

The depression kicks in as I find out he's taking another year. I should be feeling happy, right? Somehow, I don't really feel too good about it, since most of my crushes ends up with me being hurt about not doing anything about it (I'm the shy type...dammit). Iunno...sometimes I don't understand my feelings at times and I just blame it on hormones XD.

Well, I decided to do something that might make me feel better, and, perhaps, something I could tell to my kids if they bug me about my life in high school. I shouldn't keep you in suspense but...I decided to write him a letter. I wouldn't necessarily call it a love letter (although I'm going to admit my feelings to him, but I shouldn't say I "love" him, or else I'll be taking love too lightly), but a friendly invite to treat him for bubble tea or a drink for my thanks of having him help me last year and an apology for the delayed thanks.

If he accepts, I might be able to chat with him and become his friend, but if he refuses...well it's not exactly my choice, so I'll respect his answer never the less. It might be a little too complicated though since...I don't know his locker number XP.

I'm getting one of my friends to find out since I don't want to follow my horoscope that much...(Scorpios=stalkers; that's what it said in one horoscope) but otherwise, how do you think of my idea?
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