Thursday, June 9, 2005

GARRRH!
MOOD

Frustrated
_______________

[bangs head repeatedly] Alright, I know it's like been forever since I posted anything but now I'm gonna use this journal for venting. [breathes in deeply]
Okay, well the last couple of weeks has probably the most trying I've been through in awhile. I just pretty much finished having an argument with one of my closest friends...well not argument per say, well...it's hard to describe. Alright, I was being pretty much a jerk tonight...and I so get why the hades my friend bit back. However, I mean for kami sakes I'm not in the totally best of moods at the moments I mean something really bad awful happened. Before you ask, no it's not something minor like [thinks]...eh I don't know something...like breaking up with a signifigant other or whatever. I just...Arrrrgh! I know I'm not making any sence...I'm probably gonna read this and go WTF was I on.
I just, I guess what really is getting to me is that the person I thought I could always turn to doesn't have the slightest idea how to comfot me in the least bit. In fact, this person is doing the exact opposite and adding on to my stress. I'm not sure if I'm angry because the person isn't mad about me about being a jerk...or the fact I feel like the person is treating me all diffrently. I'm just disappointed in myself...my behavior and the fact I feel I can't do anything to make things better.
I was looking for stress relief tonight, so I was justing hoping to rpg and relax...just forget about things. That didn't go well since I found out way too interesting things I didn't need to know about my friend. [tugs on hair] Life is just so complicated and wierd at times.
[falls over] I'm tired...I'm angry...and I'm just over all a mass of nerves that feels lifeless. The argument with my friend sorta started up again and off again...I'm waving the white flag and surrednering for whatever reason. I don't care any more really. I just [sits back] want someone to listen to me...you know another good friend of mine...Will is always good at listeing. Unfortunately he's not online tonight so...I must suffer with my thoughts and broodings [bangs head against wall] I am so wierd...
Gah, I just need more anime...but I already watched it all.
[pauses] I think in truth...I want someone to be there when I need them...someone who would drop thier plans to say hey...you wanna cry...it's okay I'm here. Not tell me...hey you wanna cry...fine I'm used to other people beating on me with thier problems. What freaking comfort is that? [looks at sky] If I fall...can someone catch me? I'm tired of trying to be strong...[tears up] I just wanna fall and someone catch me...fall with me or something.
Yet, I pretty much hit the ground tonight...[bawls]
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