Wednesday, January 18, 2006

There's no one like you...

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Well, midterms this week. I'm 2/3 done, have two more to do tomorrow... I think I did alright so far.

Besides that, not much has been going on in my life.

My new theme seems to contradict itself... but that's the way I like it. I have only kept a few things the same, like my avatar...

Besides studying and taking tests, in the background of everything, my brain's been teaching my heart how to love better.

Which is kind of ironic, but woe is me.

As I spaced out during my Advanced Algebra Midterm, staring at the snow being blown around outside, I realized something. It was as if my my heart was done learning, "download complete", or something analogous to that. He was the only thing on my mind, and I realized how lonely he must feel, and I realized I had to let go.

And that quote I've had in my intro so long... it finally makes sense to me. Nick, I can forgive you for being the reason I cried, but I can't let you give up things you want for my benefit, and I especially can't let you hurt yourself for me.

Holding you down is only obsessing... and the stupid thing's I've done... cannot be changed. I will still pray for you every day before I go to sleep, you will always have a place to stay in my heart, I won't let anyone take it down, if you ever want to come back to me it will always be here with me. I will always have faith in you, I will always believe in you. I will always try to help you, I will never have doubt in you, I will never give up on you. I will always stay loyal to you, you won't be replaced. I'll never forget about you, and I'm sure the moon and the snow and the sun and the sky and polar bears and bananas and cows and everything else will still remind me of you ^ ^, so you'll probably always be on my mind, whether directly or indirectly. You'll always be the person who I think is the most special out of anyone ever! I will always love you...

I have realized that the love is caring, selfless, giving, supportive, helping, and other things of that nature... but what I've been saying in love is the exact opposite, but only recently have I been able to separate the love and the obsession, since for me, there seems to have always been a thin line between the two. Obsession is selfish, controlling, anxious, jealous, angry, spiteful, paranoid, and hurting...

Now I will make sure I only love you, not obsess over you.

You deserve someone who doesn't do the stupid thing of getting those things mixed up. You deserve someone who you can be close to, not someone who's so far away. You deserve someone not as confused, someone not as depressed, someone who doesn't have separation anxiety, who's prettier, who has better self-esteem. I know that if you look, you'll find a person like that very shortly. ^ ^ It probably won't take that much effort, since they'll be drawn to your awesome coolness.

I know I haven't been able to prove that I love you before, and I still can't now, but I guess I'm more sure than I was before? Something like that... well... you can't make yourself love someone, you can't make them love you. I won't make you love me. Love isn't desire for someone, love is fulfilment that you have them too long, and even when you're away from someone, the love you have for them doesn't get any less. I always have loved you the same amount, I guess my obsession made me sad when I was away from you, but now that I've gotten rid of that... I feel so happy all the time that I have someone in the world I care about more than anyone else, and that's all I need.

Haha, I started bawling after I typed that last sentence.

I shouldn't need to hold you, the love I have for you should be enough for me, and even if it doesn't get to you, it will grow inside of me as long as I live and help me become a better person. I shouldn't be jealous that other people get to hear your voice and I don't, I should be happy that I got to hear you so many times, and the sound of your voice echoes throughout my head and never loses its intensity, such a wonderful sound... Maybe that's why there's not enough love in the world, when two people split up, they see it as an excuse to stop loving that, but it shouldn't be. You can't stop yourself from loving! You can only ignore that love, and that's what happens. But even when they're not there anymore... the love stays in your heart, making your heart softer, like a biggish marshmallow ^ ^
What else is there... love isn't habit. I don't tell you I love you every day, and I try to do it multiple times a day so you won't forget that I do and get sad, but it always means as much as the first time I was able to get it out to you. That's all I can think about at the moment though...

^ ^ Hehe, you had more guts than me, you said it first!

If you do ever decide to come back to me, hopefully the love I have for you will have changed my heart and make me a better lover, a less selfish lover, a more caring lover.

And if I could see you... you would get the biggest hug you have ever known. Your head would be cured of all its aches, and you'd know what it feels like to have no pain and only happiness ^ ^

But before you let me go as well... can you listen to this song? It has the words I could never get out before. I love you Nick *hug*

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

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Sunday, January 15, 2006

I love him...

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And he loves me...

So all is right with the world?

Not quite...

I still feel like I'm hanging off of a cliff... he can either help me... or leave me for her...

I wonder... who's more important to him...

I wish Nick wouldn't worry about our age difference so much... Kabu's papa was 22 when his mom was born o___O Maybe he was just raised that way... and Nick was raised so it matters more how old the people are who fall in love... it's only 3 years... only 3 years....

"Who's the hussie?" XD

I hope he lets her find her own... fruit... and I can keep my Banana... all to myself... because no one else can have the greatest man alive.

And I hope after he gets into college, he'll calm down a bit... he will have one more thing lifted off of his shoulders. He'll be able to breathe easier... he'll have a little less doubt and a little more hope....

I want to sing him to sleep...

My brother says college is easier than high school anyway... and then after that... he'll be done... and I'm sure... ^ ^ he'll live happily ever after... hopefully I can join him... but... I'm just so grateful for the time I have with him now, and every moment I'll cherish like a wealthy lady treats a precious jewel.

Hehe, when I'm an old person, I'll look into the mirror and scream in horror XD And if Nick's still with me then, I'll wonder how he can love a person so old, hehehe.

Kitty's body hurts... probably from the lack of food it's been getting... but iz my tummy's fault... my tummy must be connected to my heart... because it says nothing about being hungry, when my mind says it should be. It's just too nervous, too uneasy...

But when I sing to him... I think it'll feel better, if it makes him feel better that is...

I think my Mom left me money to buy a pizza tonight... hehe, I'll probably finish a slice at the most... I wish da Banana could be around so I could give him the rest and not waste its pizzalike goodness.

I will become a lurvely Kitty when I'm all grown up! I will finally be able to love myself, and then Nick will be able to love me too... if he still wants to....

It seems like... you have it confused... who has you tied up... it's not me... I guess you don't have the power after all... you have the power over me, but not over yourself, she has the power over you if she can make you leave me when your heart says stay.... And still you tie me up with the chain that you have tied to her... but I just have to be patient.. until you realize it's not love for her that you're feeling... I'm not saying this because I'm jealous, I'm saying it because it's what my heart told me to say, it has been through it before... the same damned thing, that disguises itself as love... that destroys so many people... that hurt Momo so badly... I don't want to be one of the countless victims... and I pray to God... I don't want you to be one of the victims....

I love you, and I always will, Nick *kiss* You will always be the one just for me, the one who will love me for who I am. ^ ^ Hehe, Chobits is so sappy... but it's true.

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

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Saturday, January 14, 2006

It's about 4:45

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In the mornin'...

I still haven't been able to get to bed... oh how many thoughts are going through my head... thoughts about him and her...

Events are starting to unfold that may forever destroy my dreams.

He would so easily give me up for her. I'm so insignificant to him... he said he didn't know if he'd kiss her, or say he loved her, yet he stressed how they were only friends.

Am I so easily forgotten... please Nick, remember that I love you, remember that you love me, you want to be with with.

My mind just won't shut up, it won't let me go to sleep. I want to dream about when there wasn't any other that you would dump me for. It hurts me so bad...

I prayed to God... I prayed to him so many times... that he wouldn't allow me to lose you... I want to be with you... I know that you'd be happy, and yet you can't wait, you let the little things get to you.

Why do you have to do this... if you love me... why have you made yourself so readily available to be in another relationship?

Why was she so lucky... why am I not there... why... why why why... and now all that you said is no longer true. You don't want to hold my hand... you're letting go of it to grab someone else's... and I wish there was more I could do. I want you. Your voice is like hearing heaven to me. You look so wonderful. You're so cool. You got closer to me than anyone will ever get... but I guess that still makes me easy to replace.

Please, give your hormones time to even out with the girl, I've been under the curse of infatuation. It can't possibly replace my love for you though. Please stop yourself before anything happens, please hold on for our sake like you said you'd try. I promise, I'll make you the happiest person ever.

I love you... I love you... and I hope this isn't pushing you away... I just need to plea. I need to plea so you won't leave me. Don't say that your love for me was a lie. I know it's so hard for you, I'm so sorry. But how can you be willing to give me up? Why will you let your emotions tell you what to do? Why would you be willing to cheat on me? I'm sorry I can't be with you, I wish with everything I have to wish that I could be, and my cries to you still seem to go unanswered.

I'd lay in my bed and go over it so many times. You've changed so much so that you're not allowing my love, just because you like her. She means more to you than me, but I want to mean the most to you. I don't want there to be a chance that I lose you. I know the distance is unbearable, and that you want someone you can hold, but please, just wait for me.

I remember you saying you can't avoid her... but... god... that doesn't mean you have to like her like that. Love conquers all... but that's only if two people love each other, not if one's unsure whether he loves or not. How could you think about hurting me so much... the only reason you don't want to leave me is because you'd feel guilty for making someone die, not because you care. That's not love...

How can one stupid girl change whether you love me or not? Or whether you have hope in us?

I have faith in you... somehow... I have not lost my faith in you... please do not betray me for her... please do not destroy the one you love so much... or atleast... used to love... I'm so sorry I can't be there for you... I'm so sorry I'm not perfect... all I want to be is to be perfect for you... I can't just be your friend... it's too hard... I need to know that someone's there waiting for me, and that he hasn't shattered my heart...

Nick, we only won't end up together if you give up like you've been acting. If you're skeptical of whether we will or not, and you use another girl to fill in the physical void, a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will never lose me, I how much I love you will never go down, it can only grow.

I hope you're sleeping well... and I hope that one day you can make a decision of whether you want me or her.

I want you so bad... I only want your head to be on my shoulders, I only want your lips to touch mine, I only want to love you and no one else.

Please Nick, the one I love so much, the one I'd die for, please don't hurt me like that. Please get a hold of your emotions, please listen to your heart, and please don't leave me... please don't leave me... remember all the good times... it'll be like that again... I promise...

I want you to be happy... that's all I want... if you decide you love her and you want me to leave, I'll leave you alone.

Why does someone else... get something I want more than anything in the world... why were they so lucky... why not me...

Please forgive me for anything and everything I've done to make you sad or angry or that put you in pain.

Please don't lose faith in us, you run so deep into me, I can't lose you. I wish you'd feel the same... that you wouldn't give me up for anything. Not all the money in the world, not any one else. After this post, I won't be dramatic anymore. I just don't wanna lose you, god, I can't.

I'm sorry I put you under pressure, I'll stop.

How can I be so easily tossed aside... Why can't I be special... I want to feel special. I feel just like an animal... you might give me up just because everything's not perfect.

Love isn't a game... please stop toying with me... if you don't love me... just say so... it hurts... it burns me where nothing could even get as close before.

You must be patient with me, I will be patient with you. I'll change and grow like you said, and my love for you will only grow deeper and I will become into someone you like.

I think I finally have it, love isn't like a rose, it's like a tree. A tree that never dies, but only keeps growing. The roots dig deeper as well as the arms that reach to the sky, trying to grab the stars. A wind is able to ruffle them... but it can't push them over... it would have to be stronger than the roots. And the stronger the wind, the stronger the tree will bite back at the sky and grow just in spite of the odds. And you would be my sky... I cannot reach you... but I feel every day I get a little bit closer. A warm sunny day where I can bask in your light, or a stormy night where it seems you abandon me... like you almost did last night... but I'll bite back at the rain, the wind, the lightning, and you... and struggle to break my chains so I can get to you and be like a bird. Where I can finally get to be with you... like a tre whose seed was blown into concrete... my love for you was against the odds... but you nourished it, and now the foundation for its growth just serves to stabilize me more. I'm letting my hate out, scratching myself, so I can get through this, and make you like me again. My anger should not be used around you, I do not want you to leave, I want you to stay with me, my sunshine.

Heh, I looked up to the lyrics of that one song...

- You Are My Sunshine -

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

I'll always love you and make you happy,
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me and love another,
You'll regret it all some day:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

You told me once, dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between.
But now you've left me and love another;
You have shattered all of my dreams:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me
When I awake my poor heart pains.
So when you come back and make me happy
I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away...

I'm going to try to love myself... like you love me... if I loved myself, it would show... and you would take me instead of her... Please tell me that all my pleas are getting through to you... please... I don't know what else I can do. It's so hard to watch you flirt with someone else, it's so hard. Please tell me you'd rather have my love than hers...

If you give me a chance and don't do anything with her, I promise... I promise you won't regret it, I promise, I would never stray from your side. Don't throw me aside like I'm nothing... when you say you like her and that something might happen... I can feel myself slowly withering away.

You said you'd take care of me... but it seems like you'll only take care of me if there's no one else in the picture.

I'm giving you the purest love I know, it's everything, everything I feel for you that can be put into words... sometimes it seems like... I'm Adam... and you're Eve... You won't wait for me... I only wish I could show you how much I love you, it's impossible to express in words. I just want you to hold me... it's not even sexual, it's just intimate... hold me so I feel safe, you're the only one who can let me feel safe.

I can't love another... my heart was only built for one. And I only want to be loved by you...

I still have hope though. I have hope that you won't do anything. I have hope that I will be the only one you love, and that I won't be replaced. If there is a God... he couldn't make it any other way.

You're my SM, no one else is, only you. I can't love someone else... if you'd left, my heart would become a black hole... it wouldn't have reason to care anymore... it would be numb...

I want to pull you closer, I know this makes you uneasy, but I need to get it out before I can become undramatic. I want to pull you close to me and tell you that you're perfect, because you are. You're wonderful in every way. You may not believe it, but it's what I think, that's why I can't love someone else. I know I'm not perfect for you, I want to get better for you. Just don't leave. I need your love to hold me up. It's like the air I breathe.

Please God... I don't know what's going to happen... if he leaves me... I'll be broken forever. If he stays, he must really love me... but he won't even kiss me anymore... he doesn't want to have me in his arms... he wants to have someone else... I want to fall asleep in his warm embrace so he can keep my soul from turning cold.

I guess I should stop now, been at it for over an hour...

I won't let her get to me... I won't let her get to me... I'm going to try to get some sleep Nick... because I know that's what you'd want. I need to try to be strong, I need to try... I can't give up... then I'll be destroying myself. I must have faith in myself... that I won't fuck it up this time...

I love you Nick
I love you Nickums
I love you Banana
However you say it, whatever name is used, it doesn't change how I feel... my love... please don't abandon me... don't abandon me because you can't take it, I know you can, you're much stronger than me... and please don't abandon me for someone else, I want you to have my love, it's made in my heart just for you, only for my Nick. The love can only be for you... You don't have a need to be confused... because... you have the most love you could ever want already... I promise I'll make you the happiest man alive...

You're the only song I want to hear...

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

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Friday, January 13, 2006

I don't know what to think anymore...

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Eh, my day wasn't that great... I'm not gonna bitch about it, that won't solve anything, I guess I'm just putting it out there.

I didn't get to say everything last night, Nick... but I said something like, I wish I could give you a reason... The rest is, "to love me". I'm not a very good person, despite what you think. I'm very depressed, boring, too sensitive, passive, annoying, etc... I guess that also means I'm selfless, nice, and empathetic, stuff like that, but it's still not good enough. I'm sorry, I wish I was better for you.

I wonder what you were gonna say, when you started "for the record"... maybe you stopped to spare my feelings... I dunno, it just makes me think.

I feel like puttin' this up here, 'cuz all you guys I know need it.
Just random stuff I've thought about lately that women do and what it means compared to what you guys think it means. Some of them other people said, like on TV, or my friends, but here ya go....

- Tips for da Dudes, and I guess there are things that apply to da Ladies too -

~Things are never as you expect, and they usually don't turn out as you'd expect.

~A beautiful woman wants to be told she's smart, a smart woman wants to be told that she's beautiful, and a woman who's beautiful and smart wants to be told the truth.

~If you really love her, tell her so.

~Tell her that you love her at any and all times. Don't say "love ya" or "you know I love you" all the time, make sure you're serious, maybe look into her eyes and say "I love you...", because to a woman, the other two don't mean as much as that one.

~Time does not heal wounds, not even a bit; action does. If you get in an argument, time will not make things better.

~If you’re not sure if you love her or not, you don’t love her.

~Do anything to make her laugh, it'll make her grow closer to you.

~Be honest, be honest, be honest, be honest.

~Don't be absorbed in yourself

~When she is upset you should hold her tight, even if she struggles, and tell her how much she means to you.

~Don't avoid confrontation

~Relationships are all about sacrifices, be prepared to make them. You must be willing to be there whenever your other half is in need of help or something along those lines.

~Your partner cannot read your mind and will never know your feelings, needs, and desires if you do not express them. So remember to always give signals that you are enjoying something or that something is not working for you. Be open to your partner about your needs and thoughts and understand your partners' needs and thoughts.

~If she runs, she wants to be chased.

~If you're around other girls, especially girl friends, and she's with you, don't loosen your grip on her, pull her close to you to show her that you chose her over all of them and you're not going to change your mind anytime soon.

~Hold her hand at any moment even if it's just for a second, it shows how much you care.

~Make sure you touch her a lot, not obsessively, I'm sure you know what I'm saying... doesn't even have to be a sexual way, just in an intimate way.

~Women assume everything, which is why we tend to overreact. For example, "I'm hungry" could potentially turn into "You don't satisfy me, I want another girl" after a few nanoseconds in a lady's brain. Try to be sensitive about it, that doesn't mean you have to think about everything you say, just try to be sensitive and understand.

~If she gets angry at you, kiss her, that'll make her very confused, but atleast she won't be angry anymore

~Women tend to be very loyal if they like you, so trust her and you won't give her a reason to leave.

~Don't be complacent, it things are getting dull, try to spice it up, don't get bored and leave; you could even talk about it.

~We all loooooooooooooove flowers, they smell so good.

~COMMUNICATION!! Perhaps one of the most important things on the list. Great relationships bloom are able to prosper only because both partners are willing to talk through all problems that arise and converse openly on any topic of importance to the relationship, or even topics that don't have to deal with the relationship. This also deals with the fact that if you don't have good communication, there won't be trust because of the way the female mind works especially (remember the inferring/assuming things I talked about earlier).

~Be her best friend, that way she'll always come running back to you if she has a problem.

~The idea that something is ok for you to do, but not for your partner to do, is outrageous; this mostly deals with jealousy/trust issues, like a girl gets angry with a guy going to hang out with his female friends but goes out with her male friends all the time. If you do it, then so can they. If they do it, then so can you, so think about if you would want them to do it or not. The same concept goes with rules, like, if you don't want your partner getting drunk or doing drugs, you can't do them either.

~Tickle her, play games with her, rub her tummy, do silly things, that makes it seem like you're not in it just for the seriousness.

~Hugs!!! ^ ^ Sexual and nonsexual hugs o__O

~The simple things often mean the most, I've said this a few times, but I think I should clarify. Showing your love for your partner with emotion and thoughtfulness far outweigh any purchased gift. People love to be showered with gifts, but that runs dry if there is no warmth in your touch or love in your eyes.

~Be willing to take a risk, giving someone your heart could mean that they may abuse it.

~Sometimes breaks are needed, this is obvious. Some days you may want to take some time for yourself and do what you want to do. However, when you return to your partner you should give them even more affection than usual. In a way, this shows your gratitude for your partner understanding your need to be your own person.

~Sing to her and hold her, it will show how much you mean to her.

~Always remember that physical and mental beauty is subjective and your personal opinion of what is beautiful is just that, your opinion. And it is usually a lack of one, the other, or both that causes relationships to fail.

~Kissing <>(Does not equal) Sex

~Routines can be deadly for relationships. Everything is expected to happen, there's no more excitement. Make sure you keep things spontanious so the spark never dies.

~Say her name, she likes how it sounds.

~Relationship advice sucks... except for this stuff >__> 'cuz I'm cool.

~Rules about dating sucks, don't buy any of da books or nofin', iz not real! I'm not giving you rules here, these are just tips.

~Let her fall asleep in your arms, it lets her feel safe.

~Write her notes and do spontanious things to show how much she means to you.

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That's all I got... now, if ya do some of that stuff, I guarantee you'll like the response you get.



Take care everyone
I love you so much Nick! *kiss*

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Iz Thursday!!

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Which means...

umm...

I dunno o__O

I need to rant

So I'm gonna do that!

I seem to like ranting lately

I wish I randomly got $1 billion, that'd be pretty cool. I think I'd give some of the money to my family, then invest some, then the rest I'd use so I wouldn't haveta work o___o

It'd be sweeeet.

I'd buy a big house by a lake tha's vurrily cool, and it'd have a lot of land in da country sumwhere, so I could have cows! and kitties! I'd try to save all of da little kitties that would be killed or somefin', and I'd try to save cows that was gonna be eaten >< 'cuz cows are so cool...

Nick would live thar too! He doesn't haveta if he doesn't want to... but I think I'll bribe 'im with money, hehehe. It'd be fun anyway, I'd have lotsa cool TV's and video games and stuff o__O And lotsa comfy couches, maybe some leather ones for da Banana, 'cuz he seems to like them. *kiss* I love you Banana. I'd wanna get married to him too, and every day we'd do stuff together, and it'd be perfect. ^ ^ I'd be really happy...

Oh well, enough ranting.

Look at the cool quizzes while yer at it too!!

Take care everyone
I love you Nickums! *snuggle*

I want to find someone who can love me for who I am...
Who will love me and only me...

I wonder if you are that person sometimes, Nick... I guess I'm paranoid in the fact that I'm thinking about you and someone else... heh... it makes me feel very sick... I think I need to take a shower.

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Don't let me go...

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This is purdy much a ranting post, so don't mind me...

Special, not normal... but I guess normal's better.

At school... I feel so out of place, it's odd. I see everyone atleast enjoying themselves, but for some reason, I can't... even around friends... I'm too preoccupied with my thoughts that I can't even think about work at times.

Why am I so stupid sometimes? I should be happy for what I have. Eventhough I don't have everything, I sure don't have nothing.

I'm jus' not good 'nough...

Even right now... I can feel us growing apart again... I can notice myself subconsciously flirting with other people as an attempt to fill this stupid void. Arrrgh...

It seems that time goes by faster than me, I move slower than everyone else. Maybe that's why I'm scared of things so much... I already seem to have to run along side of it to keep up with it, maybe one day it'll just leave me behind, then I'll find myself old, wondering what happened to everything I thought I knew.

I find myself... every day... waiting... most of the time I don't even know what I'm waiting for, but that's not a problem for me. I've not much to do any way. Things just feel hollow and empty when I'm not waiting. Although when I am waiting, I am sad, like a caged animal who's just tired of trying to escape and who has little spirit left. Eventhough it wants to die, there is something holding it alive, something that it can't explain, the will to live and be. Although I guess it is slightly different for me, I still can't explain it.... It is the same, though, one thing that keeps us one going, one thing that if it wasn't there, all hope would be lost, one thing that without, all emotion would be broken. That one thing has to deal with a certain person for me... a person who is unobtainable, which is why the spirits who haunt me weap in their silent misery. A name that I cannot say, a pair of lips I cannot taste, a face I cannot see, a voice I cannot hear, a body I cannot touch, a person I cannot hold....

I understand how easy it is to be lonely even when you're far from alone...

Take care everyone
I love you Salohcin *kiss* Especially for bein' so nice to this kitty... I love you with all my heart, and that's why I find it so hard to be away from you.

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

Comments (2) | Permalink

Monday, January 9, 2006

Fine

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You know you have big boobs when your sister says... "your tits are huge"

At the request of Momo, I have not exactly deleted my post, but I will make a post of the truth - the good and the bad - about me.
It's up to you whether they're good or bad though...

P.S. With lotsa cool words!

unsightly
empathetic
inane
loving
ditzy
voluptuous
absentminded
loyal
lazy
compassionate
somewhat bipolar
passive
insecure
boring
kyute (thank yas Kabu)
headstrong
Kittytastic
stubborn
dependent
needy
depressing
curious
insignificant
selfless
aloof
optimistic
unworthy
mischievous
sarcastic
unsexily sexy
plumpish
desirous/longing (not like envious...)
clever
sleepy
patient
overly-sensitive
nonasian

Tell me if you get any other ones

Other stuff...

Momo said I should have a dream about 'im or something, so, it happened to be that I did. I can't remember much, but it was a dark day and he came over for a visit but I never saw his face for some reason. o__O Maybe he was really a ghost or something.
Eh, atleast it wasn't a nightmare, tha's why iz good.

Although last night... it was really dark and depressing. There was a lot of wind and rain that sounded vurrily loud... it made me scared... normally it wouldn't make me that sad, but it did for some reason. I wished da Banana could hold me.

Now o___o this part is not for the ears of the mentally-untainted
Or even the mentally-relativelyuntainted

>___>

Banana knows what I'm talkin' about...
Okay... randomly in m ath class... parts of me started getting... sensitive... and I got... distracted.

>< I wish __________________________________________

O____O No one can ever know what that says, hahaha, I wrote it then replaced it all with underscores 'cuz it was bad. Oh well, I won't talk about that much more @__@

That's about all for today
Take care everyone!
I love yoooou soooo much Nickums *kiss, hug*

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, January 8, 2006

What am I like...

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Ugly
Ugly
Ugly
Ugly
Ugly
Ugly
Ugly
Ugly
Ugly
Ugly
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Meh, just getting it out there

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

Comments (3) | Permalink

Thursday, January 5, 2006

Random stuff!

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a LONG complete survey
Basically Me
Name:	Ari
Age:	14
Zodiac Sign:	Aries/Sheep
Religion, if any:	Unsure, an extension of Christianity
School/Work:	High School
Occupation:	Student/Slave
Shoe Size:	8 I think
Best Physical Trait:	Fingernails, Eyes, Boobies, Lips, Skin Color
Worst Physical Trait:	Everything else
Best Personality Trait:	Kindness
Worst Personality Trait:	Passiveness
Would you use plastic surgery to change yourself?:	Nope
Favorites
Color:	Midnight blue/Silver blue
Cartoon:	Family Guy
TV Show:	South Park (O____O I wrote Slut Park at first for some reason, wasn't thinking I guess...)
Food:	Orange Chicken!
Candy:	Chocolate, der
Cookie:	White chocolate chips and macadamia nuts
Icecream:	Vanilla
Time of Year:	Winter
Holiday:	Christmas, givin' stuff is fun
Place to Eat:	Anywhere that isn't fast food!
Place to Hang Out:	By meh computer
Store to Shop:	GameStop
Brand of Clothing:	Don't have one
Accessory (i.e. earrings, belts, sunglasses, etc.):	Sunglasses
Flower:	An albino rose o__O
Song:	At the moment, Louis XIV - God killed the Queen
Disney Character:	Don't have one
Movie(s):	Don't have one
Starbucks drink:	Iced Mocha
Sleep
What position do you sleep in?:	fetal position - that is, curled up on side
How many pillows are on your bed?:	2, although I used to sleep with 10
How long does it take you to fall asleep?:	depends, sometimes hours, sometimes minutes
Do you wake up multiple times throughout the night?:	Usually, sometimes not though, which is very nice
Do you talk/laugh/mumble in your sleep?:	Reporters say yes
Do you sleep with your eyes open?:	Pssh, no... o__O I hope not anyway, that's creapy
Have you ever rolled off your bed while sleeping?:	Not recently
Have you ever slept-walked?:	Not recently...
For the 16+
Do you drive?:	N/A
If not, when do you plan to get your L's?:	N/A
Do you have your own car? What kind?:	N/A
What is your dream car?:	N/A
How many accidents have you been in?:	N/A
How many of those have you caused?:	N/A
How many tickets have you received?:	N/A
What did you do for your 16th bday?:	N/A
For the 18+
What's your favorite place to go clubbing/dancing?:	N/A
Have you ever smoked?:	N/A
Did you have a debut/cotillion?:	N/A
How many times have you bought lottery?:	N/A
What's your favorite strip club?:	N/A
What did you do for your 18th bday?:	N/A
For the 21+
What's your favorite club?:	N/A
What's your favorite bar?:	N/A
What's your favorite beer?:	N/A
What's your favorite drink?:	N/A
Did you go to 21+ clubs/bars and drink alcohol before age 21?:	N/A
What did you do for your 21st bday?:	N/A
The OTHER gender
Do you have to be physically attracted to someone to like them?:	No
What do you notice first about the opposite sex?:	Hair
What personality trait must they absolutely possess?:	Coolness
What do you look for in a potential girlfriend/boyfriend?:	I don't look
What's your longest relationship?:	I dunno how you really judge how long it is... but a year and a half and still goin'
What's your shortest relationship?:	2 days... although it wasn't really a relationship
What bothers you the most about the opposite sex?:	Selfishness, arrogance, treating me like an object
What makes you happy that you aren't the opposite sex?:	I look better nekid
Are you in a relationship now?:	Yep
For how long?:	Jus' said, about a year and a half, although the "I love you" came in about 7 months ago
What is his/her best quality?:	Everything except...
What is his/her worst quality?:	Apathy, coldness
In order to make things work, what is he/she working on?:	Psssh, he does his own thing
What are you working on?:	Stuff >< Okay, maybe not, I'm kinda lazy...
Does he/she make you happy?:	Vurrily happy, amazingly happy, super happy!
What is the best thing they've ever done for you?:	Loved me, duh
Random
What is the best tangible gift you've ever received?:	Camera yo
Do you watch what you eat?:	Yeah
Do you exercise?:	Hell no
Have you ever traveled outside the state where you live?:	Yep
What's your biggest fear?:	The one I love leaving me
What is the one thing you can't live without?:	Some special phallic-shapped fruit
If you believed in reincarnation, what/who would you be?:	If I could choose... I'd be God O____O That'd be sweet... okay, maybe a person who lived close to Banana
Pro-life or Pro-choice?:	Pro-both! TT___TT I'm so confused
Are you racist? Against who and why?:	No way bitchez, I am like, every race, so if I was I'd be racist against myself
Are you homophobic?:	Nope
What celebrity couple do you love?:	None
What celebrity couple makes you want to hurl?:	Gosh, I don't really care
What celebrity do you fantasize about?:	None
If you could go back in time, what would you change?:	I dunno...
What would you do if it was your last day on earth?:	Spend all my time with my hun'
The Future
Do you plan to marry before a certain age?:	Sure
If so, what age?:	25 o__O just throwin' it out there
How many kids do you want?:	maybe 1, or 2, or 3... or 6... somethin' in there, but I think 7's too much
What are their names going to be?:	Malaria, Pnumonia, Dyslexia, Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Down Syndrome... stuff like that... 'cuz that's what they're gonna have, hehe, I don't got good genes
Where will you live?:	hmm... maybe an island!!... or Montana
Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

O______O Go take it, biznitches

Take care everyone
I love you Banana

Now, off to do something, since I'm bored!

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts