Monday, May 9, 2005

Warg...

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Sorry, random word...


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Weather:
It's so damned hot today... god... I hate it. Why can't it still be cold? It went from winter to summer overnight, quite literally, since it has been in the 30's for the past few days and now it's like 80...
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Work:
So... much... homework... it's almost unbearable. We have... 23 days of school left I think it is... (too lazy to get it out) and Mr. Language Arts teacher is being EEEEEVIL and giving us all this stuff to do... I'll post it later if it's dire....
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Band:
Meh, Band Concert tonight, which means I must be leaving post haste...
Which is very interresting if you break it down. Post meaning after and haste meaning quickly. So, I will leave quickly after I post. Nifty, huh?
So, anyway, I'm probably going to mess up my solo big time because I'm a loser... we also switched around the last two songs so that 1812 Overture is last and Eagle's Medley is third, which'll also give me better odds at not messing up. Fun.
I'm having a problem with my jaw too, err, actually, it's kinda my neck... but at any rate, it's bad right around the place where your jaw and neck join together, it hurts whenever I turn my neck more than 45 degrees from a straight position... around that area anyway... sorry if I'm getting boring.
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Teachers:
Gah, they all still hate me. I got yelled at so much for things that I didn't mean to do/didn't mean to do wrong. It kinda hurt my feelings...
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Failing:
Messing up really bad in Geometry, History, and Language Arts... I'm so illiterate... and I don't think I'm passing those for this quarter at any rate. I keep on forgetting everything when I take a test... damn test anxiety....
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Kidnap me!:
Yeah... there's so much work I have to do. One of you guys should just take me to wherever you live so I can lay low until the school year's over and then make a reapearence after the beginning of the summer. Ah, what fun it would be to get out of all of this work...
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Pot:
I think I saw this person that was stoned today at lunch, they looked so funny. I will never forget that blank/happy facial expression.
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In pain:
Gah, my shoulders hurt... extremely bad...ly... ow... (an interjection used to express sudden pain, not the other one... [inside joke])It kinda feels like my right shoulder is being poked with many needles. The left one hurts too... but not as bad. Meep, the pain... I can touch it, because it's on my back right on my shoulder blade, but it hurts every time I do and it feels really sore. I need a massage... crap, and just recently, the area around where my left shoulder and collar-bone are hurts really bad too. *dies of pain* I'm really bloody sick... (the word bloody used because Mangoes used it in her IM a second ago)... I didn't go to school Friday because I got that flu thingy that people get... although strangely it gave me the chills. I thought Colds were supposed to give you the chills... I'm so confused.
WTH?! Now my side hurts too... TT____TT AND MY F'IN' WRIST!!
I think I'm dying...
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Anorexia:
If that's how you spell it anyway...
I didn't really eat a lot at lunch today... I mean, it's not that I didn't want to, I just dont' get the opportunity to. I didn't eat breakfast and I hardly had dinner last night...
That's probably why I'm so fat, my body goes into starvation mode all the time, so when I do get any food it stores it for later...
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Food falling from the sky:
Yeah... well, at lunch today, I was eating... when something suddenly hit me in the side. I was like... "what the hell??" and there was this unopened package of gummi fruit stuff... I dunno, it's strawberry flavored, and it tastes good, so I gave it to a friend and we ate it... and Jess took some and started throwing it at me....
So we all think that the food gods favor me now and give me free food, yummy. I tried to ask them for some ice cream, but they didn't comply... *sniff*.
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Entry 16: Illusions
(written in the morning)
Hmm... feeling kinda happy... but not really happy... more of a pseudo-happy... It's probably just ignorance. I think I know why I'm happy, but I also don't. There are so many things to be sad about, but my amazing obliviousness and the fluffiness of my mind probably keep me in "best case scenario" (optimism?) mode and far up in the clouds instead of coming to terms with reality; as my Mom wants me to do. She probably couldn't comprehend that, if I didn't live in my fantasies, I probably would have killed myself a long time ago.
But does that mean that happiness is an illusion? Or maybe an addiction to emotions, such as an addiction to the feelings you get around a certain thing (chocolate, hehehehe) or a certain person/people (this brings a whole new point of view to 'love', think about it). I'd hope that there is a happiness that is not of the former two.

Ah, happiness, the purest and most refreshing water anyone can drink from.
Like a paradise, it eludes us.
There are ones made to appear like it...
And lies told by self and to self that make us appear to be in it.
But nothing else could ever compair.
Oh, the ethereal fountain of light.
Everywhere but so burried by sadness that it is nowhere at all.
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And... uhh... I think that's all for today. Later folks...

And take care!

- - Teh Pig


aww, look, Link's a kitty... wait, that's messed up.

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

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