Friday, June 24, 2005

Something's missing...

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I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, yesterday and today. I guess I’ll uhh, put down some of the things I have been thinking about.

I always wonder about the things I do… the things I say, if I should say them or not. Although that’s totally contradictory to my natural impulsiveness, which leads me to regret a lot of the things I say. Eh, people say I dwell in the past too much, but it’s impossible to forget many things that have happened that have shaped who you are. It feels kinda like falling down a mountain sometimes… because the rate of decline is not the same on the whole surface so you can be going very slow for awhile but suddenly slip down fast. Unpredictable, if you know what I mean. There are also times where you go up for a little bit, but then go down further than where you started from…. It also means that there is a bottom, but you’re going to have to go a long way before reaching it. You have absolutely no clue what condition you’re going to be in when you get to the bottom either, you could end up dead… glaciers, you know, stuff like that. But I guess that’s as far as I can go with the analogy.

Why are things so hopeless? I used to think that there were good people in the world, but I just don’t know anymore. Good people always seem to turn into bad people after time, or they were just bad to begin with. But if good people can turn into bad people… doesn’t that mean it can be the other way around?

I’ve also gotten to the point where I really feel no one cares anymore. I feel kindof… forgotten, not really important… I mean I’m not really gone… eh, whatever, I’m not going to go into it right now. I guess everything can be explained in a very obscure, but great, song.

Living Syndication – 13 Minutes

It’s funny when things go wrong,
I get tired of waking.
For all the things I’ve loved before,
I’m tired of breaking.
Good things are far ahead, yeah,
But my patience is shaking.
Only thirteen minutes left…
But is it worth waiting?

Would you care for me
‘Cause I’m tired,
Tired of all this life.
Would you care for me
‘Cause I feel like
I’ve been cut inside.
Would you care for me
‘Cause I’m tired,
Tired of all this life.
Would you care for me
‘Cause I feel like
I’ve been cut inside.

It’s blatant to feel so wrong,
Get hurt by the taking.
Everything that I have said before…
I hesitate saying.
I’m crawlin’ fast ahead, yeah,
At the pace that I’m making.
Only thirteen minutes left…
But it’s not worth waiting.

Would you care for me
‘Cause I’m tired,
Tired of all this life.
Would you care for me
‘Cause I feel like
I’ve been cut inside.
Would you care for me
‘Cause I’m tired,
Tired of all this life.
Would you care for me
‘Cause I feel like
I’ve been cut inside
I’ve been cut inside….

Hmm… Ari is sad, she misses Mr. Banana… *stabs self in eyeball* >.TT I think he died or something… like a bunch of mexicans put a bomb in his van or somethin’… and it exploded. Or maybe he fell into the ocean and got eaten by a whale-sized man-eating tunafish… *spaz*
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Other things…

Quiz…

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

Hmm, I’ve finally had time to get my guest book in order, my friends list, and my quizzes. Yeah, you should try some of the quizzes because you probably haven’t taken all of them, they’re fuuuuun and good for when you’re bored! I practically have an autobiography with all of those quizzes….

I’ve not really talked about it… but I’ve been a bit sick lately, go easy on me ‘kay?

Take care dudes...

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts