Tuesday, July 26, 2005

NISSAABAA

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The worst loneliness is being uncomfortable with yourself....

Hehehe, sorry... the title is a bit of an... inside joke.

Changed the quizzes... 'cause it was kinda weird that I got the same answer for three of 'em.

Last night... something happened... that was very funny... I told some of you guys about this, but not all of you... here's the summary. I was talking to the most awesomest guy ever when I started getting tired... but I didn't want to leave 'im! So, I kept it to myself... eventually I decided to rest my head on my keyboard to close my eyes. I didn't intend this brief rest to turn into me actually falling asleep... but it did... and I ended up staying asleep for over a half an hour according to sources... *looks around*... yeh, but when I woke up... I made 'im really worried >< which I didn't mean to do! although it's still kinda funny... because I never really did that before. Oh well, it all worked out, 'cause I didn't die because I was feeling sick... *hugs the poor dude* You didn't lose me... and I can't believe you actually would've called if I didn't wake up O___o crazy stalker....

Why does it always look like I'm doing something wrong?! >< The only reason I had my shirt off was because it was getting itchy and I was taking a nap and 40 Days and 40 Nights just happened to be on TV. Grrr. My morals are different than yours! STOP ACCUSING ME OF DOING WEIRD IMMORAL THINGS. You all know what I'm talking about... *hiss*

Nick... I wish I know why I love him so much that I would go to the end of the universe and back to get a cookie for him, just to see 'im happy. I wish I could know HOW I love him so much. It's so funny too, with his odd little quirks. Normally I get really annoyed when people are perverted or a wooer... don't ask... but I guess it's okay with him. I don't know why... it's just kinda funny. Then there's the completely spontanious things he does that seem to have no meaning behind them at all... the way he plays dumb all the time... it's so cute ^ ^...The way he worries too much all the time... even when I ask him so sincerely not too. It's not even like he has any real flaws, becaeuse I can accept them so easily and somehow they just make him more likeable.
It's actually nice to have something you care about so much you'd die for it a million times over even if a measure that extreme wasn't needed. It gives meaning to an otherwise seemingly pointless life.
Feels like a dream....

I feel that he can do a lot better than me though... I'm so messed up. There are so many people in the world who are better than me... and I don't want him to settle for less. When I'm woken up from the dream I realize I'm not worthy at all....

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile.
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday.

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... how should I know?



“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts

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