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myOtaku.com
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Birthday
• 1991-04-06
Gender
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Female
Location
• The nation with the most nuclear weapons on the planet
Member Since
• 2004-05-19
Occupation
• High School student; practicing Hobo/Stripper
Real Name
• Ari (pronounced âr-ee, to avoid confusion); I also go by Squishy and Kitty
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Achievements
• Eh, I don't "achieve"
Anime Fan Since
• Fall of '02 I believe
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• Cowboy Bebop, Spirited Away, Nausicaa, FMA, and Chobits
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• Make it into Stanfy, among some other things
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• Computer, Trumpet, Music, Video Games, fings of that sort...
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• Cuteness, Smartness, Awesomeness, Artisticness, Musicalness, Foxiness
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myOtaku.com: Angel of Pig
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Don't let me go...
This is purdy much a ranting post, so don't mind me...
Special, not normal... but I guess normal's better.
At school... I feel so out of place, it's odd. I see everyone atleast enjoying themselves, but for some reason, I can't... even around friends... I'm too preoccupied with my thoughts that I can't even think about work at times.
Why am I so stupid sometimes? I should be happy for what I have. Eventhough I don't have everything, I sure don't have nothing.
I'm jus' not good 'nough...
Even right now... I can feel us growing apart again... I can notice myself subconsciously flirting with other people as an attempt to fill this stupid void. Arrrgh...
It seems that time goes by faster than me, I move slower than everyone else. Maybe that's why I'm scared of things so much... I already seem to have to run along side of it to keep up with it, maybe one day it'll just leave me behind, then I'll find myself old, wondering what happened to everything I thought I knew.
I find myself... every day... waiting... most of the time I don't even know what I'm waiting for, but that's not a problem for me. I've not much to do any way. Things just feel hollow and empty when I'm not waiting. Although when I am waiting, I am sad, like a caged animal who's just tired of trying to escape and who has little spirit left. Eventhough it wants to die, there is something holding it alive, something that it can't explain, the will to live and be. Although I guess it is slightly different for me, I still can't explain it.... It is the same, though, one thing that keeps us one going, one thing that if it wasn't there, all hope would be lost, one thing that without, all emotion would be broken. That one thing has to deal with a certain person for me... a person who is unobtainable, which is why the spirits who haunt me weap in their silent misery. A name that I cannot say, a pair of lips I cannot taste, a face I cannot see, a voice I cannot hear, a body I cannot touch, a person I cannot hold....
I understand how easy it is to be lonely even when you're far from alone...
Take care everyone
I love you Salohcin *kiss* Especially for bein' so nice to this kitty... I love you with all my heart, and that's why I find it so hard to be away from you.
... how should I know?
“Never pretend to love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.” - - Alan Watts
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