Wednesday, July 12, 2006

*hugs* Thanks for the comments!! That's the first day in a while that it was in the double-digits (amountwise). Thanks for all your help with trying to scare away my bad dreams! I hope it works...cause last night I didn't have very good dreams either. *sigh* I don't think there was any yelling though, but they weren't good. I want my good anime/game dreams!! With all my bishie loves in them! >< Come back good dreams! I think it's from the sleeping pills...I haven't had a good night's sleep without them for a while now. *sigh* I'm sleep deprived! I hate to say it, but I think I'm relying on the pills too much now...it's just that my mind keeps going and I have trouble breathing (through my nose, allergies, you know). Before I know it it's past 2 and I'm not asleep...I don't want to lay there struggling anymore, so I just take a part of a sleeping pill (not even a whole one). *sigh* I don't know what to do! Is my reading before bed-time too stimulating for my mind? I hope not! Yesterday, like teh day before, was a good day with my bro. He seemed sorta in a crabby mood for some of the day, but not all! He was in a fun mood for the rest of it. We were having fun playing this motorcycle racing game (for the ps2, MotoGP or something)...we don't really race for real anymore. We just have fun with who can crash the most and take out the other racers. *laugh* It's hillarious! So, yeah, he works later today, so I can visit sites later! I actually got to visit a lot of people yesterday. ^^ But I see that lots more updated yesterday as well...probably at later times. ^^; Sorry if I missed you!! About that huge house that we might move into if we get it....well, my dad said that his offer wasn't high enough, but the sellers said that we could buy it for a price that's just a bit higher. I guess that's good..but I really don't know. No one knows what to do. *sigh* It certainly was an amazing house, but we all love this house...it's just that we can't have my mom suffering much longer here (if you're a new friend and don't know what this is about...well, you'll have to go deep into the archives to find out ^^; sorry, i don't feel like going through it again). I can't imagine that other house as my/our house...it just doesn't seem like it. I just don't know what to do!! *sob* This is the worst summer ever!!!!!! >< My horoscope said today:An unusual situation at home could require your attention now. Or perhaps something stimulates a difficult childhood memory. Either way, you are being called on to overcome your negativity. You won't have to get sidetracked by your own insecurity if you recognize that your power will continue to increase over the next few days. I think that the "unusual situation" is this whole moving and what to do crap...and of course, "difficult childhood memory" is my whole memory of living here...does it mean that I should overcome my negativity of moving and go at it with a positive mood? I don't know...maybe. Welll, I suppose I'd better end this here now. *hugs* Thanks again for commenting and reading my posts. I appreciate all of you!! Today's a super hot and humid day again, so I hope I can stay cool...if it is where you are as well, try to have a cool day, too!! ^^

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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

*hugs hugs hugs* Thanks for the comments!! ^^ I'm glad the other day I was able to mention everyone that commented. Yes, mewmewlover, that Rachel was you!! I was afraid that I forgot to mention you last night so I started to worry! But I'm glad I didn't forget. ^^; Anyhoo, yes...I see that a lot of you sympathize with me about an angry father in times of stress and whatnot...and that who doesn't want to be a kid? I like being a child...and growing up just doesn't appeal to me. *sigh* Well, I really don't have any time right now cause I actually visited some people first instead of posting!! I'm sorry if I didn't get to all of your sites though...I sorta went in a random order. ^^; This will be a short post then... Yesterday was a pretty good day. My brother was actually in a non-crabby mood...he seemed more delirious than anything, but at least he was more fun to be around! It's really hot today...and humid...ugh...I don't know what we'll do today, probably nothing. ^^; I had more bad dreams last night though...too realistic. I had one where my dad was yelling viciously at Derek this time (not Corey) and I was crying a lot being worried about my mom in the kitchen...I woke up crying, too. *sigh* This whole crap sucks...I hate it! My dreams aren't even enjoyable anymore!!!! Well, I hope you all have a good day today!! Again, I'm sorry if I didn't get to visit your site...maybe I'll get some time later, but probably not. Take care and thanks for commenting!! ^^ I'm glad to have new friends comment already, too. So again, have a fantabulous day!

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Monday, July 10, 2006

Thank you all soooooooooo much for the comments!! I think yesterday I got the most meaningful and well-thought out comments ever. Thank you, and I really commend you all on being so articulate! *laugh* I sound like a teacher or something...^^; Monica, your speech was very powerful (and same with your poem, thanks again), and what you suggested for me to say...well, I doubt I could say that. ^^; See, I'm a very "obedient" child...*sigh* Thanks though. Shizuka, your words always help, too, even though you sure seem unsure of yourself whenever you write things to make me better...you need more confidence, too! Everything you say is great, whether you think it or not, it helps. Skomie, yeah, it seems like that's your catchphrase for me! ("I hope things get better.") But I think that's fine. *nods* It's just because I always seem to talk about bad things...all you guys can do is hope and pray, right? It's not like you have control over what can happen. So again, thanks everyone (new friends and old) for commenting and being so helpful. Wow, that seemed to be a long thanking paragraph. ^^; I'm sorry if I didn't mention your name separately like I did with the others, but usually I don't at all...but don't think your comment didn't count!! >< So thanks to Reki, asialonewolf, GetyourownRoxas, Bishieluver, Rachel, and EK, too!! ^^ Ok, anyhoo, my dad has been getting mad more and more...yesterday he yelled at my mom, too. It's all over this stupid moving crap...and getting things in boxes already even though we don't even have a new house yet! Nothing is doing anything at the moment...we're in house moving limbo, floating between the idea of moving and the acutal action...just not doing anything. *sigh* My dad thinks that if we get the house then everything'll go super quick! If that's the case, then there's no way I'll be able to stay in my school district (by not moving in before nov.1). I don't know what we're doing today...I know I probably won't get any visiting time though. Sorry. ^^; Yes, EK, saying "gao" is bad for you...*laugh* But sometimes I can't help it. I'm a bit of a Misuzu indeed. I hold my feelings inside a lot, and then I just burst out crying sometimes for no aparent reason...I tend to act like a child despite not being one though (unlike Misuzu) I'm very mature most of the time...it's more like I want to stay a kid, you know? I don't want to grow up. *sigh* Before I end this, I'd like to recommend a couple books I've read so far this summer (well, one I'm rereading cause it's so good ^^). Silver Wolf by Alice Borchardt. I finished reading that last week (it was the quickest almost 500 pages I ever read cause it was sooo good!!) It's fantasy but set in some time in Rome. The main girl has the power to turn into a wolf. It has soo much action in it...I definitely recommend it, but only to older readers. ^^; There's quite a lot of in-depth descriptions of violence, sex, rape, anything else with sexual connotations, and lepers (along with other montrosities). It kept me reading all night practically it was so good. ^^ So you should read it if you have the time and the stomach! It's not like there's a lot of sex scenes...it's just that those Romans...well, yeah. ^^; And the book I'm rereading now is Dragon's Winter by Elizabeth A. Lynn. *nods* One of my faves. Ok!! Well, I'd better go now...I need breakfast. I'm really hungry! I hope that today is a good day for everyone! Thank you for taking the time to read my post and comment. *nods*

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Sunday, July 9, 2006

it's long...sorry...^^;

Gao...thanks you guys for being so understanding and nice...and caring and everything. I just read your comments from the day before yesterday's post, too. Thanks. Your words always comfort me...though I must admit that sometimes they make me feel more sad, or at least make me want to cry more. ^^; Your kindness always amazes me. Yeah, saying this must make me sound crazy or like I've never had friends before...cause I get all over-thankful and stuff for simple little comments, but I just feel like I should be this thankful...I've never really had friends care so much for me. ^^; Even if I don't know you guys in person, you're still the best friends i have right now...so that's why I feel really bad if I can't get on here and visit. If I don't have time, should I bother writing a post? Recently, I've been thinking that doing that makes me selfish...only caring about what I have to say, thinking that you all revolve around me. I'm sorry. Should I instead visit in the small time I have and then if I have time post? I'm sorry...I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I had a more normal lifestyle...like most teenagers, going out and doing stuff with friends or having my own cell phone, and getting as much time to do what I want on the computer or whatever...instead of being completely controlled by my brother or by what the rest of my family wants to do. One part of me wants that, but then the other is happy being lazy and not doing things with friends...and not having responsibilities that would come with owning a cell phone or whatever. *sigh* I'm a mixed up child...though in a few months I'll be 18, and that's not a child. I can't imagine being an adult...I still act and feel like 12 or something...and I'm afraid of being older, driving, going to college and whatnot. Speaking of college...well, if we happen to get this new house (that huge one that is almost 10,000 sq.ft.!) I doubt I'll go to college. ^^; With how much money my dad offered (though I'm not sure exactly), we'll be poor...sure we won't look it being in a huge mansion of a house, but because of it we would have hardly any money left! *sigh* This is the main reason that my dad has been stressing lately...money. You see, and what happened the other day that I mentioned briefly (which included all the yelling and crying), had to do with my dad...when he gets angry and yells, he gets scary. I mean, really scary...I swear, he gives the looks of a killer. What happened all started with my brother and mom after their appointments because my bro has no respect for my mom...and then later my dad heard about what happened from mom and completely let loose on my bro. And when they yell, it's horrible...2 extremely hard-headed males, and my bro never backs down just cause he's the son. He has no respect. That whole day was just horrible cause no one talked to anyone...everyone was on edge. The males in my family never apologize so things just stay the way they are. My bro didn't apologize to my mom about what he said/did, so that made my dad angry, and so basically they didn't talk at all for the rest of the day...I'm always stuck in the middle of all arguments. I hear stories from both sides and can talk to both, but if I try to interrupt or say something while yelling is going on, I'm just yelled at to "Stay out of this!" as if I'm not a part of the family...even if I know everything that went on, I'm not "a part" of the argument to defend anyone or anything. *sigh* I hate arguments...I end up crying whether it deals with me or not. Sorry...this post is getting to be really long. Anyhoo, I'll just say that that day ended well though. After much hostility and more yelling and crying, my mom and bro made up, and then my mom told my dad to "make up" with Corey...but he still didn't apologize for real. These men just can't say "sorry." It's sad. So, yeah, sorry for going on about this thing that happened 2 days ago...yesterday was ok despite Corey not working, and today will hopefull be good. I'm still feeling depressed of course about everything...but whatever. Thanks for your support everyone...and thanks for reading all of this if you did. Have a wonderful day!

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Saturday, July 8, 2006

   sorry...

Gomen...gao...I've got no time today. *sigh* I won't even make this post long at all...my brother was supposed to work quite a long workday today, but he called off work sick today. He's not really sick, but yesterday was just a horrible day for everyone...there was so much stress, yelling, and crying. It was horrible. I'd love to talk about it, but I don't have any time. Sorry. I didn't even get to read your comments yet. I will whenever I get time. I thank you for them anyway because I'm sure they're all great. *hugs* Well, I hope all of you have a great day today even without my usually long posts and comments!! Sorry again.

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Friday, July 7, 2006

Thanks a ton for the comments!! ^^ Both on my post and on my wallpapers. Yeah, that poor kid getting yelled at outside the library...it just made me feel really angry. Who cares if he did something bad...that doesn't mean you can yell at him right there, in the middle of the busy parking lot. It's ridiculous. I always hate seeing parents yell at their kids like that, especially when it's the moms yelling at their kids who are like only 3 years old or something. They're too young to understand! You don't need to yell at them and make them cry in public!! The poor kids. *sigh* Anyhoo, I didn't have an emotional meltdown like my horoscope said...I guess the latter part of it (having the "skies clear up") was right. Though I gotta say I am quite depressed about this whole moving thing... Yesterday (or something like that) my dad called up my school and asked the counselors about if we moved into a new house that was in a different school district, could I still stay in the one I've been in. Well, the answer is...if we don't move into our new house (if it happens to be in a different school district) before November 1 then we're clear. ^^ So I'm just hoping that we don't move before then...I don't want to go to a completely new school for my senior year!! After all my years in this district to just go to a different one for my last year...it would be horrible. *sob* I wouldn't have any of my friends...I wouldn't know where anything would be...moving during senior year is probably one of the worst times ever to move. So I'm just hoping my mom can hold out until then...or that we find a house in the same district. So, yeah, we still haven't found the "perfect house" for us yet. Last night I was a total wallpaper-making machine! I made 4 new ones!! ^^ So check them out please!! I made 2 Utena ones, a Tokyo Mew Mew one, and one from Street Fighter (that I'm sure no one will know or care about...or download. ^^; So that's why I commented on it myself. *laugh*). The Ichigo one isn't that great, but I really liked the Utena one I did (where it's just her, not the one with Anthy and her). So, yeah, please take a look at them! ^^ I don't know why I was in such a mood to make so many! I'm gonna try and submit my Air one again...I really don't know why they'd never accept it. Oh, Xanth, sorry, but I'm not sure where to get any good YukitoxMisuzu pics. ^^; I'm sure your wallpaper will look great no matter what! Oh, and I use photoshop to make my wallpapers. *nods* Not a very new version of it though. Right now my mom and bro are out at their separate doctor-like appointments. My mom's at the chiropractor (sp?) and my bro's at the accupuncturist. So I'll have some time today to visit whoever has updated so far...but I'm sorry if I don't get to your sites if you update later in the day. *sigh* Sorry! Well, I guess there's nothing else new in my life to speak of...so I'll just leave this post as is. Have a fantabulous day everyone!

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Thursday, July 6, 2006

Helloz my wonderful friends! *hugs* Thanks a lot for the comments. *nods* I'm sure if my bro saw them that he'd thank you, too. And thanks for the advice, Grifter! Yes...pus is a gross word and same with fester...eeewww...I hope that it isn't an ingrown toenail. ^^; His computer is sorta back to normal now though. My oldest brother helped him out a bit. I didn't quite get undepressed yesterday...I really just was angry. ^^; Like while we were doing dishes, I just started to get really mad at my dad cause he doesn't seem to do as much work around the house or helping with the dinner as me and Derek (oldest bro). I was getting really annoyed by the whole situation...I'm tired of it!! >< Yesterday (aside from my emotions) was a pretty good day though. We went to the library to return some books, and we wanted to go in and get some more, but it was sooooo crowded!! So we ended up not going in...and there was this dad that decided to start yelling at his son right there in the middle of the parking lot. It was soo mean!! Embarassing him like that...and blocking traffic!! Poor kid. So after that, we quickly went into the mall so I could check out the Borders! They had a deal on manga, buy 3 get 4th free! So I couldn't pass it up! One of the manga I got to try is soooooooooooo good. It's called Cantarella. ^^ I recommend it for those of you who like beautiful art (and guys *laugh*). Today my horoscope said that I'm well overdue for an emotional meltdown!! But then "the skies will clear up" and I won't feel like that anymore...hah, yeah right. But I so agree with me needing an emotional meltdown...as I said before, I haven't cried in a while...and me getting mad last night didn't help...I need to release stress!! So yeah, I believe my horoscopes! ^^ THey're usually pretty accurate. *nods* On a completely different note, I made 2 wallpapers yesterday. Please check them out!! ^^ One is of Hitomi from Escaflowne (it's not that great), but then the other is of Skuld from Ah My Goddess...I really took a while on that one. It was hard work since I had to use the stamp tool to copy the cloud pattern and the leaf pattern to make the pic more complete...see, the original pic stopped right at the end of the branch right after the 3rd bird sitting on it. (you'll see what I mean) I had to do the rest! So please enjoy!! Oh, and it was also tough to think of what to write on it...it's not that great. ^^; Alrighty, I can visit sites later today! ^^ I hope that all of you have an enjoyable day without any crap to upset you or anything. *nods*

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Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Wow...that was the least amount of comments in so long! ^^; But then again, hardly any people updated yesterday either. I suppose it was because for a lot of them (excluding us poor losers that did nothing) it was a fun and busy day! ^^; Thanks my good friends that also had a boring 4th for the comments! *nods* Yes, I indeed had a wonderful time at the Japanese store...yeah, I got lots of figures that most don't know. Hooray for sparklers...except not! My dad got these tiny super cheap sparklers to use (along with the better big ones) and they were horrible! They were so small that the sparks/flame got so close to the hand! My hand stung a few times from the stupid sparks...*laugh* But I must say, something happened after we were almost done with them that was funny... Before I talk about that, I need to make it clear that my bro had a HORRIBLE day yesterday. I really felt sorry for him. ^^; His computer is really stupid...and yesterday he was just trying to uninstall a program and then go to his "media center" to show me some games...well, then the computer dies. It completely messes up. After turning it off and on, it's still screwy...so that pissed him off. He basically spent most of the day yesterday trying to get it back to how it was before. Even now, it's still not fixed. So that's one of the major bad things...another is that he has this massive spider bite on his arm. ^^; It's really gross and huge and eewwww...it's swelled up and like a big red bump. Another thing wrong is that he hurt his toe somehow, and now it's swelled and has pus coming out of it. So yesterday he had to get some of the puss out...and for the finale! It had to do with the fireworks; he had the last few small sparklers in his hands and was using them...but then he got freaked out when they started burning him a bit so he threw them out of the way...into the tree!!! ^^; We almost had a forest fire...luckily they burnt out, but it would've been a great ending to the day to have our trees set on fire. *sigh* Yeah...so yesterday was one of the crappiest 4th of Julys ever. I was plain ol' depressed most of the day, thinking about the whole move and all...cause yesterday we were cleaning out the hutch of all the stuff in it (which is in the laundry room). I found so many old things from when I was a little kid...so many pictures, drawings...it brought back so many memories, and it really made me sad thinking that we'll have to leave this house someday soon in the future. *sigh* Gao...I haven't cried in a while, and I'm really surprised at myself. I would've thought that I would by now...with all this crap. Today I can visit later. *nods* I think we might be going to the library first...and then the mall, too. Some books are due, so yeah. I hope you all have a great day! ^^

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Tuesday, July 4, 2006

Thanks you guys for commenting. ^^ I guess when I don't visit, there does seem to be fewew people that come to my site, but it's probably just cause they're busy. Anyhoo, thanks for looking at my Misuzu pic! If you haven't yet, please do!! They put up my Wolfie#3 yesterday, too! So please click the link and comment/vote if you want to. *nods* I still think that Wolfie #2 was my best, but just see what you think of this one! He was in an odd position...he's supposed to be laying his head on his tail and looking up to the left...so see what you think. ^^; Again, it was harder to do my sketchy style on the fur without the drawing paper...so his hair looks more like little lines. ^^; Well, yesterday was quite fun!!! ^^ The Japanese store was great! We bought a ton of stuff...mostly figures and 2 CDs (Melody of Obilvion soundtrack and DearS soundtrack). As for the figures I got Rei (EVA) in Catgirl costume DX figure, Shigure and Yuki plushes in their animal form costumes, Asuka (EVA) Gothic Lolita version figure, the Onegai Twins swimsuit figure set, these 2 cute figures from some anime called Peta Peta-san (they're sooooooooooo cute!!), and some others that I can't remember...^^; My bro got his Lunamaria DX figure that he's been wanting for a while and some other stuff. *nods* It was a very fulfilling trip! Yesterday we also drove around and looked at other houses to possibly buy...the first one we looked at I really loved. (from the outside) It was sooo cool looking! It was a dark gray color and the roofing reminded me of some medieval castle or something...it was awesome, but it was a lot of money, and there was a road right in front of it (so that means loud traffic), and they're also building another house right by it. ^^; My mom was showing me some other houses online that looked nice, so I think maybe today we'll look at them...ah yes, today! Happy 4th of July!! We're not doing anything special for it...just sparklers, yay. No visiting time today...sorry!!! *bows* Yesterday morning I was able to visit the 6 people that already updated, but I don't think I can do that today, sorry! Well, I hope today goes well for you all! Don't get caught with illegal fireworks or anything! ^^ Sosuke, I hope that this was a longer post for you to read and enjoy! I'm sure you'll get more people to talk to and have a better life from now on!! Ok then, have a fantabulous day! P.S. (many hours later) I actually got to visit some people today. ^^ Well, those that have updated (around 5pm eastern time). My bro has been working on his comp...yeah, "working"..I'm not sure what that his...something perverted, no doubt.

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Monday, July 3, 2006

*hugs* Thank you for your comments yesterday! There weren't as many as usual, but that's fine! I got extremely thoughtful comments from my very good friends! ^^ Yes...it's too bad about all this moving stuff...and about the anime store closing. *sigh* But at least we get to go to the store today!! Yay!! I hope I can get some good stuff. *nods* The auctions that ended yesterday didn't go so well...stupid people!! We sold the 2 items for pretty much the starting bid for both! *sigh* Oh well... Anime store today!! So I'm very sorry, but I also don't have any visiting time...Maybe I can visit a few this morning, but I doubt it. ^^; Yesterday I was actually in a drawing mood!!! I drew a crappy Misuzu...please take a look!! It doesn't really look much like her...and my scanner didn't do too well either, sorry!! I didn't use a pic to draw her from so that's part of the reason it's so bad...I hope you comment and vote anyway though. ^^; I also drew a Wolfie #3!! ^^ I just scanned that in though...so it's not up yet, but check for it later! Wolfie #3 isn't as good as #2...I admit...but I didn't have any good drawing supplies at the ready. ^^; I had to use computer paper and a mechanical pencil! >< I'll give you a link to him when it is up! *nods* Well, I suppose I shall go now...thanks for the comments and understanding that I probably won't get to visit today. ^^; This was a rather short post! I bet you liked it that way! Anyhoo, everyone have a great day! It's really hot here...so if it is where you are, try to stay cool!

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