Saturday, June 24, 2006

rainy day!

Well, thankies to all the many commenters!! ^^ I'm glad you like my new Cloud background. He's from final fantasy 7 (and makes appearances in KH). Dont' fret! My "gao" bg isn't gone forever. As I said before, it's the bg for my guestbook, quiz results, etc...^^ I wuv Misuzu so much so I dare not rid my site of her!! Anyhoo, yup, if you haven't seen Howl's Moving Castle, you should! I gotta buy it though...since I just got it out at the library. ^^; Yesterday was a good day...sorta...my mom, Corey, and I went out of the house for once. ^^; We had to return the DVDs to the library (which ended up being a day overdue). Because my bro is so lazy and complains about everything, I had to go in and pay the money and stuff. The first disc of Howl's didn't even work on our normal DVD player...it completely screwed up! So I told the lady at the library about it, but she coulda cared less. Oh well...no my problem anymore. ^^; After that went to the mall and I got a couple manga! Volume 6 of Gals! and vol.7 of the Wallflower (one of my faves!) I wanted to get some Descendants of Darkness volumes (cause I only have 1), and the Borders had pretty much every volume the last time I went. Well...I go in...and they're gone!! >< Every one but #1 and 11!! I was like "what the f??" *sob* So we asked the lady if they had them somewhere...and she said they had to return them! Return them? What's that supposed to mean?? Why?? Well, they didn't tell her why so I don't know...the content isn't that bad... Ah yes, yesterday I also had to do all the cooking dinnerwise. That meant salad, mashed potatoes, and chicken tenders. My dad at least cut up the fruit...*sigh* It was a lot of work! But it tasted pretty yummy. Nowadays my evenings are taken up by dinner preparation and clean-up...so that's like between 6pm and 8 (including eating time of course). So I can't ever be online during those times anymore...I always have to help with dinner!!! >< Today is a super rainy stormy day! I love these days...I'm just in constant fear that my electricity might go out!! It always does. *sigh* So I gotta type this super quick!! My bro is out to work now so I can check sites...it's all just a matter of whether my electricity holds on or not. ^^; So I hope you all have a great day! *hugs* Thanks again for your constant comments...and sorry for the later post and a possible non-commenting day due to weather!

Comments (10) | Permalink

Friday, June 23, 2006

*hugs* Thank you all so much for your comments, really...they were very nice. Sosuke, you wrote waaaaaaaaay more than I've ever seen before. ^^; It didn't scare me away from you or anything...it just showed me that you really cared. *nods* And everyone else, thank you so much. I'm gonna keep crying when I feel like it...but it's not like I cry everyday...maybe once every 2 weeks now or something. ^^; About my brother...well, he's just controlling in every aspect. It's not like he hogs the computer...it's just that he always wants me to do stuff with him all the time. So I can't really say no...and it's not like I don't like doing the stuff with him either cause it's watching anime and playing video games. It's just that I don't get time to myself ever. As you can see, I changed my background! ^^ It's the ever-wonderful bishie Cloud! I loved my "gao" Misuzu bg though...so now that's my guestbook etc. background. How do you like the change? Ok? Should I change any of the colors or anything? I hope it's fine...I don't like changing stuff, but I decided to since I love this bg of him. ^^ It was originally 800x600 though so I had to make it bigger...that's why it's a bit blurry (and I'm not happy about that). Yesterday was an ok day...my brother was very annoying in the morning/day time...but once night came around, it was rather pleasant! I had quite the enjoyable time because we watched Howl's Moving Castle together. ^^ Yes, I finally saw it!!!! I looooooved it!! Howl is such a bishie! And I loved the part where he started to freak out when his hair turned orange. *laugh* My bro also liked the movie...so it was a nice change of pace, no talking or anything, no arguing...just focusing on the great movie! ^^ He's been trying to set up his new computer...it's still not done though. So many programs still need to be installed and stuff, and the internet doesn't work all the time either. ^^; It doesn't matter to me though. So, um...no extra time on the computer today. Thank you for being so understanding. Last night I got like 10 extra minutes to go on...it actually was an hour, but it was during dinner-preparation time. *sigh* And I'm the only one practically that helps out a lot...oh well. I enjoy cooking and whatnot anyway. Well, I hope everyone has a nice day today!! *hugs* I'm sorry for not visiting again.

Comments (11) | Permalink

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Gao...gao...gao...*sob* Well...thankies for those of you who did see my second post yesterday! It makes me glad to know that you all thought my little philosophy on love was "beautiful" and "true"! ^^ I'll just wait for my perfect love to come! *nods* Yeah...ok...that's it for the review part of the post (yeah, really short compared to usual...sorry!!). Well, I cried last night...like usual, in the presence of my mom. I'm a baby crier...not a loner-type crier. I don't go and hide to cry...I make sure there's my mom (or mom-like person) there...to hug me. I try not to cry in front of my brothers either cause I always end up getting made fun of. *sigh* I don't entrust my tears to many people...mainly just my mom...and if it's at school, the only people that have seen me cry and comforted me was my friends Susannah and Kupo...and my teachers Madame Carlini and Ms. Jones. I've cried in front of my guidance counselor...but that's cause she made me cry...it's not like I found comfort with her. I love the people that have been there for me when I've been upset...really, I've actually had "crushes" on Susannah and Kupo (yes, they're girls...). I wouldn't mind Madame and Ms.Jones to be my second mothers! Anyhoo, so I was just getting upset last night over my brother and crap... He's quitting...so he's not even going in today. He's gonna call them up and tell them he's quitting. *sigh* So, sorry, no visiting time today...or...well, I don't even know when I'll get much time on the computer. I'm really sorry. It's because I'm always so controlled by him...so, yeah...my mom tells me to just do my own thing and don't care about what he says, but I just can't do it. I'm afraid to go against him...it's horrible...it's like I'm chained to him. *sigh* Well, I hope you all have a nice day today...I doubt I'll do anything...so I'm sorry again. Please forgive me...gao...

Comments (10) | Permalink

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

See, I said I'd post again...hah! Wow, already 9 comments and I didn't even post for real!! Well, thank ya very much for checking, and those of you who already commented, if you don't get to again don't stress about it. *nods* I don't mind. Umm...so, yeah. I really appreciated all the comments yesterday. They boosted my confidence and made me feel better about that subject. ^^; I follow the idea of it doesn't matter who it is you love or when you find love, just as long as you feel it's true love. Your soul mate is one that you connect with, not just admire from a far. Love isn't blind...people who are truly in love have a better vision than others who base everything on outer appearances. They are able to see past the exterior and into the other person's heart and soul, seeing their true personality and love. I hope you read all that...it took me a while to come up with it...I didn't sleep well last night cause I was thinking up phrases and philosophies in my head. ^^; I'm a freak...so I'm gonna write some of them in this post I suppose. I guess I take pride in my "not gonna be controlled by a man" attitude. ^^; I'm not sure...of course I'd love to be loved and cared for by a guy (held in his arms etc...), but I don't want to rely on him and/or be his slave...*sigh* I'm just confused. I don't want to find love yet anyway. I'm not out of highschool yet so there's no rush!! Anyhoo, I'm feeling rather depressed again...sorry, friends of mine! I want to cry, but I don't know why. ^^; *sigh* Yeah...all that rhymed...amazing. Um, so, yeah...other than my mind going for well over an hour thinking up stuff that I couldn't write down, my sleep was well-disturbed this morning, too. My oldest bro was getting ready for work (this was at 7:30am or something) and he went out to the garage where the freezer is to get some frozen breakfast food, and he ends up getting locked out...so he goes to the front door and rings the doorbell. My mom didn't get up so I do and go down the stairs to open the door for him...without my glasses on and still wanting to sleep. *sigh* So then I fall back to sleep, and my dog starts barking like a mad-man because of the garbage man. So again I get up, go downstairs, and then take him outside...he goes around sniffing stuff, does his business and then after 10 minutes he comes inside. Well, when I finally think I'm gonna be able to sleep he barks more...ugh...a vicious cycle. Yeah, I'll stop there as far as my sleeping time this morning goes. You get the idea. Has this post become too long? ^^; I was gonna write down some of the stuff I was thinking up last night...but I guess I'll save that for another time. I don't know whether my bro will work tomorrow or not...he's supposed to, but since he wants to quit I don't think he's gonna bother going. *sigh* We'll see...so I apologize if I don't get online...much or at all. Well, I hope the rest of teh day goes well for y'all! I'll check the many sites that await me now! (when I finished typing this, 2 more comments arrived! Thanks!)

Comments (7) | Permalink

   check for real post later (around 5pm eastern time)

I'm very tired right now...didn't get much sleep. I appreciate all of your comments from the deepest depths of my heart. Thank you. I don't have time right now, but I'll write a proper post and check sites later when my bro leaves for work...so please check!!!! Don't think that this will be my only post cause it's not!!!!

Comments (8) | Permalink

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Thank you all so much for your comments yesterday. They were all very insightful and caring. Thanks again. My brother seems to be back to his usual self...which isn't that great. He needs to be back to his old self where he used to be really nice all the time and happy and...well, thankful and helpful...yeah. Anyhoo, no time to visit today...I'm sorry. So many have already updated yet I can't check!! *sob* This will be a very short post I suppose...I can't think of anything to say except...*sigh* This summer is going to suck. I'm feeling a bit depressed today for no apparent reason...well, there is a reason, but I'd rather not speak of it. It's a pretty stupid reason...but it hurts. Let's see...what else to say...ah yes. I doubt I'll ever get a guy to like me. That's fine, I suppose. I seem to be terrified of males (other than my family) in life anyway. I in no way want to see a real guy naked...well, not even anime...like half nake or almost completely naked is ok (in anime, especially if the guy's hot!!)...but not in real life. My bro teases me about it...and says that I'm a lesbian. Well, maybe I am? I don't know...cause I've certainly liked guys and I still do, but I just would never want to "get close" to them. ^^; I'm also a bit of a sexist if you get to know me. *sigh* I've gone on and on about the faults of males...I just don't know what I am!! *sob* Corey even calls me "it"...he's like, "do people even know what you are? Are you a girl or a boy??" It doesn't help my self-esteem one bit. Sorry to those of you who are my male friends on here! I didn't want you to hear that...but please stay my friend despite my ways. ^^; I'm also sorry that I probably freaked most of you out by having to read that...*sigh* I have friends who are boys, but I don't want to get into anything more than that...though it's tempting...I admit, I'm quite the romantic...it's just that *sigh* I really don't know. I'm sorry...I'm a very confused individual. I apologize again for the lack of visitations today. I hope you all have a pleasant day with no major problems.

Comments (12) | Permalink

Monday, June 19, 2006

   depressing father's day

Why, thank ya kindly for your sweet compliments about my grades!! ^^ Teehee, it just made me so happy! I'm sorry if it sounded like I was bragging though. If it did, I'm really sorry. I didn't want it to come out that way. *bows* I'm just good at memorizing stuff. ^^; I study the night before and that's it. I have a good short-term memory...and long term...^^; So I just have a good memory!! If I listen in class then I remember most of what's said...I'm sure you guys can get great grades, too! *nods* Oh, and about my bg, yeah, the new one is only under my guestbook not my main site. Today...my brother doesn't work...same with tomorrow. So I'm really sorry I won't be able to comment/visit sites. *sigh* I did with those that already updated (11:27am on the east coast). And...more bad news...he definitely wants to quit for good this time. It's that horrible. So it won't be good for me...but I suppose if it's that bad then he should quit. He has to do this heavy lifting and he's hurt himself. He complains so much everyday about it. *sigh* Yesterday was a day fraught with depression and self-centeredness encompassing the males in my family (my dad and 2 older brothers, yes I have 2...it's just that I only talk about Corey, the younger of the 2). My oldest brother, Derek, was a grump all day...thinking about his job because today's his first real day at the company. He didn't really acknowledge my dad despite it being father's day. Corey was at work most of teh day, and then when he came home he was self-absorbed in all of his problems...how horrible he feels, how he hates the job, how he's been through so much pain in the past few years (this needs explaining, yes, but not now...). So he could care less about father's day especially since dad was lecturing him about how he shouldn't quit till he finds another job. So all of the uncaringness towards my dad made him upset. Another thing with my bro Corey is that a guy from his graduating class came in and told him that this girl he knew from school died in an accident...it's sad. He is depressed. He doesn't like to show it (but he sure wants sympathy), but he's depressed. He needs to cry, but he thinks that makes him weak...the last time he cried was when our/his bird died years ago. He always wants sympathy...but whenever you try to talk to him or help him, he just makes it into a comparison of problems, an argument, or just ignores...so I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for saying bad things about him before...yesterday really made me think. Sure he's annoying and perverted, but...he's my brother. Well, one of my brothers. Ok, I'm sorry for giving you a depressing look into my family matters...I'm sure my mom would be upset seeing me giving out all this personal info, but I feel like I should. I wanted to get this out...and maybe you guys can help. Well, I'm sorry for not being able to visit again...and I hope you all have a good day today. P.S. If you have a gaia account...my username is Iila. I just entered the avi arena contest for this week so please vote if you want! ^^ Cruel people have voted so far...

Comments (5) | Permalink

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Thanks like usual for your comments. ^^ They were much shorter this time, but then again, I didn't really have anything interesting to say. It was HOT, and that was pretty much it. Wow though, not many people have pools near them? No public pools or anything? Well, that's too bad, but it doesn't help that much. ^^; This will probably be a rather short post for me...as you can tell, during the summer I'm not too interesting. At least when i had school, there were things I could complain about or more depressing stuff happened to me...I also had my creative juices flowing so I wrote more poems. *sigh* So I'm sorry if I bore you! ^___^ I just checked my grades!!!!! >_< Holy crap! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooo happy!! These are the grades I got on my finals: english-96.4, biology-100, history-89, calculus-97, and Japanese-103. Yes, those were all percents!!!!! I hate history though...one percent off from an A-...boo, but that's fine cause I thought I failed it!! OMG, a 100 in bio??? Is that even possible? There wasn't even extra credit!! I guessed on a lot! >_< It's crazy! 97 in calculus...wow...just "wow"...I'm amazed! And english was only 2 huge essays, so I guess that's pretty good! Alright, that's all for me going on about my grades...but I'm just so happy!! I was thinking about changing my bg today...but I didn't. I was trying out other Air backgrounds, but I just love this one so much. ^^ I did put on a different one for the guestbook though. I hope you guys won't mind looking at this one still. I don't think my bro works tomorrow, so I don't think I'll get on much. I'm sorry ahead of time. *bows* Today is another hot and steamy day...ugh...I wanna play DDR, but it'll be soooo darn hot! Oh well, I'll see. I think there was something else I was gonna say...but I just got caught up in my grades that I forgot! ^^; Well, I hope that you all have a wonderful father's day whether you love your father, hate him, have one, don't have one...I hope that today is a pleasant one for you.

Comments (9) | Permalink

Saturday, June 17, 2006

*hugs* Wow, I sure did get long comments yesterday!! ^^ Thank you sooooooooooo much!! Xanth, your words always help. I read everything you say and take it all to heart. It makes me feel so happy to know that I have such great friends here that actually care about me...and don't think of me as a burden. Kilwoon, Shizuka, Spirit, Rachel, Saijinto, Orpheous, and of course Reki...thank you all sooo much for taking the time to comment. Everything you said made me feel better. I see that I'm not alone with my feelings about friends. *hugs* It makes me feel glad to know that I won't be forgotten here. Man...it's really hot!!!! Ugh...too hot...it's horrible. ^^; Somewhere around 90 degrees. Bleh, I don't like hot days. Anyhoo, nothing going on today. My brother left for work at 3...since then I ate a hot pocket (pepperoni) while watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (yes, the original ^^), and then I went on gaiaonline. I haven't been spending as much time on there as I used to...ever since I joined mO, my time have pretty much only been spent here. ^^; After I post this I'm gonna go up to the pool...then when I come down I'll visit more sites. Can you believe it?? I have almost 940 visits! ^^ It's crazy!! I can't believe that people are still visiting...cause I even have 111 gb signings. How are people still coming to my site for a first time? I haven't put up any new pics or wallpapers in a while...^^; Well, it's cool anyway! Speaking of wallpapers, mO is stupid! I don't get why they won't accept my one wall that I did a while ago...it makes no sense! I did teh drawing used on there, and i completely made the whole thing!! >< They won't accept a wallpaper that took a long time to make, but they'll accept wallpapers that took people 20 seconds to make...by just using a screen capture and making it bigger. ^^; *sigh* I don't really have anything else to say right now...you can probably tell that I'm sorta short on words right now. ^^; Nothing interesting to talk about. I could say how I didn't sleep well last night...or talk about...oh! I know! Last night, for dinner, we had breakfast! Waffles and french toast. I had to help my dad make it...of course. I also had to make my mom soup (mushroom, so she wanted me to sautee and add more mushrooms to it) and salad (she practically lives off of salad). I'm sorta tired of always helping to make dinner and doing dishes all the time now...and today, my mom wanted to make a cherry pie with the cherries from our tree. She had to make the crust in the laundry room...to stay out of the kitchen. Me and my bro pitted the cherries. I did it without complaint, but he of course complained a lot...I also had to help more with the pie, but whatever. I'm so tired of my mom not being the same...always having to stay in her room. (some of you who are new as my friends probably don't know what I'm talking about...check out much earlier posts) Alright, I think I made this par for my posts now...nice and long. ^^; It's hot and I'm goin' up to the pool now! Have a nice day everyone! *hugs* Much love!

Comments (6) | Permalink

Friday, June 16, 2006

  

Anou...gao...^^; You are the best friends anyone could ever have! I swear...you don't know how great you really are to me...even if you just say one sentence, it still means a lot. *hugs to all of you* I'm always being told that I'm too hard on myself...but I can't help it. Thanks Kilwoon for your encouragement though...it didn't come out wrong at all. It's just how I feel. You guys must be thinking, "What? Has this girl never had friends before or something??" Well...that's not true, I've had friends...it's just that none of them have actually cared about me. I'm always afraid of being left by friends because it's happened so many times before. That's why I'm always apologizing and thanking you...because I'm afraid that if I don't visit you or something that I'll be forgotten about, like usual...you'll just take me off your friends list, and have that be the end of it. I've been abondoned so many times that I'm afraid of ever having good friends cause I think that I'll just be forgotten about, ignored, abandoned again. So, I thank you all for putting up with me. I'm sorry for not posting yesterday. You must've thought that I died or something cause I haven't missed a day's post since I became a member! ^^; It wasn't my fault though...as some of you mentioned, it was mO's fault! Yesterday, it was extremely slow...I couldn't do anything!! My half-hour on the computer yesterday was taken up by loading...all I could do in that time was visit Harvey's site and comment in that time. That's it! I couldn't even check my comments. ^^; But I obviously read them today. Thanks so much...for your kind words about me not being a "failure". I still think that I have been...but that's fine. I'm glad that you guys don't think so. X-Men 3 was awesome! ^^ It was very well made, and it was extremely entertaining! I loved it all...I don't think there was one slow part in it! I made sure not to go to the bathroom the entire time so as to not miss a thing! I didn't wait through the whole credits though!! >< Crap! Thanks for tellin' me Grifter, but it's a bit late now!! ^^; Anyhoo, I'd definitely recommend it! Oh, and xanth, thanks for the Air site link!! ^^ I'll definitely switch my avi to ones of those whenever I feel like changing it! Well, this certainly has turned out to be a long post. ^^; Well, not as long as some of mine have been...but compared to lately. I visited sites today! Those who have updated and those who updated yesterday that I didn't get to visit. ^^ My bro's at accupunture so that's why I got some time right now. Well, I'm sure I could type away and write more stuff...but I won't. I hope that everyone has a great day today!! *hugs* Again, I thank you for staying with me...for still being my friends even though I haven't gotten to return the kindness for a while.

Comments (6) | Permalink