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myOtaku.com
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AIM
• Akabane Rain
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• MSN: amiha@live.com
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Birthday
• 1988-11-12
Gender
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Female
Location
• PA in the USA
Member Since
• 2006-02-14
Occupation
• Friend and Advice-giver, but really a college student
Real Name
• Kelsey
Personal
Achievements
• getting distinguished honors every year in high school, i guess that's it.
Anime Fan Since
• my brothers had me watch Fist of the North Star...and My Neighbor Totoro...way back in 1996 or something
Favorite Anime
• Air, Oofuri, Claymore, Peacemaker Kurogane, Monster,Initial D, Hajime no Ippo, 12 Kingdoms,City Hunter, Gunslinger Girls,Rozen Maiden, Marimite,Haibane Renmei,MagiPoka, Death Note,One Piece, Loveless
Goals
• to find my purpose in life
Hobbies
• watching anime, reading (manga and novels), playing video games, computering, walling, watching sports (baseball ftw).
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myOtaku.com: Angel Zakuro
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Sunday, July 9, 2006
it's long...sorry...^^;
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Gao...thanks you guys for being so understanding and nice...and caring and everything. I just read your comments from the day before yesterday's post, too. Thanks. Your words always comfort me...though I must admit that sometimes they make me feel more sad, or at least make me want to cry more. ^^; Your kindness always amazes me. Yeah, saying this must make me sound crazy or like I've never had friends before...cause I get all over-thankful and stuff for simple little comments, but I just feel like I should be this thankful...I've never really had friends care so much for me. ^^; Even if I don't know you guys in person, you're still the best friends i have right now...so that's why I feel really bad if I can't get on here and visit.
If I don't have time, should I bother writing a post? Recently, I've been thinking that doing that makes me selfish...only caring about what I have to say, thinking that you all revolve around me. I'm sorry. Should I instead visit in the small time I have and then if I have time post? I'm sorry...I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I had a more normal lifestyle...like most teenagers, going out and doing stuff with friends or having my own cell phone, and getting as much time to do what I want on the computer or whatever...instead of being completely controlled by my brother or by what the rest of my family wants to do. One part of me wants that, but then the other is happy being lazy and not doing things with friends...and not having responsibilities that would come with owning a cell phone or whatever. *sigh* I'm a mixed up child...though in a few months I'll be 18, and that's not a child. I can't imagine being an adult...I still act and feel like 12 or something...and I'm afraid of being older, driving, going to college and whatnot.
Speaking of college...well, if we happen to get this new house (that huge one that is almost 10,000 sq.ft.!) I doubt I'll go to college. ^^; With how much money my dad offered (though I'm not sure exactly), we'll be poor...sure we won't look it being in a huge mansion of a house, but because of it we would have hardly any money left! *sigh* This is the main reason that my dad has been stressing lately...money. You see, and what happened the other day that I mentioned briefly (which included all the yelling and crying), had to do with my dad...when he gets angry and yells, he gets scary. I mean, really scary...I swear, he gives the looks of a killer. What happened all started with my brother and mom after their appointments because my bro has no respect for my mom...and then later my dad heard about what happened from mom and completely let loose on my bro. And when they yell, it's horrible...2 extremely hard-headed males, and my bro never backs down just cause he's the son. He has no respect.
That whole day was just horrible cause no one talked to anyone...everyone was on edge. The males in my family never apologize so things just stay the way they are. My bro didn't apologize to my mom about what he said/did, so that made my dad angry, and so basically they didn't talk at all for the rest of the day...I'm always stuck in the middle of all arguments. I hear stories from both sides and can talk to both, but if I try to interrupt or say something while yelling is going on, I'm just yelled at to "Stay out of this!" as if I'm not a part of the family...even if I know everything that went on, I'm not "a part" of the argument to defend anyone or anything. *sigh* I hate arguments...I end up crying whether it deals with me or not.
Sorry...this post is getting to be really long. Anyhoo, I'll just say that that day ended well though. After much hostility and more yelling and crying, my mom and bro made up, and then my mom told my dad to "make up" with Corey...but he still didn't apologize for real. These men just can't say "sorry." It's sad. So, yeah, sorry for going on about this thing that happened 2 days ago...yesterday was ok despite Corey not working, and today will hopefull be good. I'm still feeling depressed of course about everything...but whatever. Thanks for your support everyone...and thanks for reading all of this if you did. Have a wonderful day!
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