Wednesday, January 19, 2005

"No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies

[Chorus:]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

[Chorus]

Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

[Chorus]

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes."

-Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Buscuit

I am gonna kill him. He keeps popping up telling me about stuff I do not care to know about, and then has the nerve to say that I am stalking Ugo. WTF! I don't even hang out or hardly talk to ugo anymore. If staying single is stalking, then I am sorry but I am going to stay single whether tony and ugo like it or not.

Yeah.

Obviously tony is pissing me off. This is most recent comments to me.

your_band_sucks2003 (2:58:36 PM): school skipper
freshman_girl2003 (4:05:56 PM): do you honestly think Aunt Alice would let me skip and nothte other two?
your_band_sucks2003 (4:06:53 PM): maybe
freshman_girl2003 (4:07:18 PM): then you are dense
your_band_sucks2003 (4:07:46 PM): you're a stalker
freshman_girl2003 (4:07:56 PM): how
your_band_sucks2003 (4:08:22 PM): you're obsessed with ugo and won't leave him alone
freshman_girl2003 (4:09:02 PM): wtf
freshman_girl2003 (4:09:11 PM): you know what, tony?
freshman_girl2003 (4:09:16 PM): I HARDLY EVER TALK TO HIM
your_band_sucks2003 (4:09:17 PM): blow me
freshman_girl2003 (4:09:19 PM): go to hell
your_band_sucks2003 (4:09:24 PM): i'm playing a game
your_band_sucks2003 (4:09:29 PM): leave me alone
freshman_girl2003 (4:09:30 PM): I do not see him
freshman_girl2003 (4:10:11 PM): I can't even invite him, as well as some other assholes over to watch soem god damn ovies? That fucking sucks, because I ddin't even mean it in that manner
freshman_girl2003 (4:10:53 PM): get over yourself, fuck off, and leave me the fuck alone, because I don't want to have anything to do with your sorry ass. You are so shallow. And if Ugo has a problem tell him to tell it to my fucking face.
your_band_sucks2003 (4:11:27 PM): marie you retarded fucking cunt you keep talknig to me

his last post is a fucking lie, because I have had him on Iggy for the past week and a half, and he somehow managed to get back on my god damn friends' list. Urgh.

Oh well. I will ignore him some more. Maybe he will get teh hint eventually.

I am giving people a ride to an dfrom the bowling practice tomorrow. Yay. Not. More people. Ugo is amung them. Oh yay. Then there is Charlie Poissonier, Mark ANdrews, and Mark Schobel. Wee. Charlie is cool, but Mark is the one influencing bud to not talk to me anymore.- Not really. Just the things Mark said to me when me and BUd (ugo) were dating make me lean to that conclusion.

Oh well. I am gonna go.

By the way, those lyrics go to one of my all-time favorite songs. Thought I would be nice enough to share that.
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

"It's too bad, It's stupid
Too late, so wrong, so long
It's too bad that we had no time to rewind
Let's walk, let's talk
Let's talk

You left without saying goodbye
Although I'm sure you tried
You call the house from time to time
To make sure we're alive
But you weren't there
Right when I'm needed you the most
And now I dream about it
How it's so bad, it's so bad"

-Too Bad by Nickelback

This is a good song. Before I moved in with my father, I used to hate him, and whenever this song came on I would blare it. I used to hate him so much. Now I do not. But I am not that attached to him either. Hmm. It is that way with everybody I know, I guess.

Tony isn't taking the hint. He keeps popping up, talking to me. I will post what he has said tonight on the internet.

your_band_sucks2003 (9:01:59 PM): i'm making music
freshman_girl2003 (9:02:11 PM): yea yea good 4 u
your_band_sucks2003 (9:03:04 PM): yup
your_band_sucks2003 (9:03:16 PM): you seem grumpy?
freshman_girl2003 (9:04:41 PM): . . .
your_band_sucks2003 (9:05:01 PM): are you?
freshman_girl2003 (9:05:39 PM): hmm, I haven't really held a conversation with you since last tuesday, I don't call you, and you have been on ignore all this time
freshman_girl2003 (9:05:44 PM): what do you think
your_band_sucks2003 (9:06:56 PM): anh ok whatever floats your boat
your_band_sucks2003 (9:10:25 PM): want to see my song?
freshman_girl2003 (9:10:30 PM): . . .
your_band_sucks2003 (9:11:15 PM): it isn't lyrics it's tabs
freshman_girl2003 (9:11:30 PM): whatever tony
your_band_sucks2003 (9:14:20 PM): pretty snazy huh?
freshman_girl2003 (9:14:39 PM): ok cool whatever
your_band_sucks2003 (9:16:10 PM): ok

I dunno if he just can't recognise the unsubtle hints I gave him, or if he chooses to ignore my hints, but it is agitating. Oh well. Hopefully soon he will take the hint and leave me alone.


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Sunday, January 16, 2005

   Hee hee, I am mastering hte art of animation! And I love Johnny Depp, so that makes it even better. Hee hee.

I want to get all his movies, especially Chocolat and Edward Scissorhands, and Finding Neverland, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and Pirates of the Carribean. Hee hee!
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Friday, January 14, 2005

   Hey, am I pathetic if I like Michael Jackson's music? No. I think not. It is actually music (besides the screaming he does at times) with a beat, with lyrics that have meaning behind them. You can dance to it, man, and I love that. So screw y'all if you do not like it. Lol. Just kidding. I just do not care if you like it or not.
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

   Okay. I decided to try something different, so I downloaded some actual music. I hope you can here it-if you cannot, please tell me.

My friend says I am cold hearted. Hmm. Maybe. Oh well. In two years, I will never see them again, so I do not really care. Ah the thought of college.
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

"I'm looking in the mirror at this woman down and out
She's internally dying and knew this was not what love's about
I don't want to be this woman the second time around
'Cause I'm waking up screaming
No longer believing
That I'm going to be around"

-Rain on Me by Ashanti

Okay, I think I am starting to feel better. I know what I want, and I know what I need to do to make myself feel happy. So I will tell you my evil master plan. Wha ha ha ha. Lol.

1.) Tony. This guy used to be my friend, but nowadays I cannot stand him. I dunno if it is me or him (probably me) but he makes me feel minute. And I don't WANT to feel minute. So I will no longer talk or hang out with him, nor listen to him when he insults me, for i do that enough, I do not need to listen to him.

2.) I know what I want to do in the near future. I want to go to a college in Boston, Massachusettes, and I want take a double major, either in journalism or creative writing, and also in either French or Italian. I have always been in awe of the Italians, so I wish to learn about them and learn their language. But I also want to continue with my French when I get out of Mr. Gram's classes. So that is the next step- figuring out which of those four classes interest me the most. I know I want some kind of writing class, and I also know I want to take a foreign language, so those will be decided soon.

3.) I will stop concentrating on guys. I used to believe that I would wait and find some outragiously sweet romantic foreign guy with a lot of dark luxurious hair on his head and an enchanting voice. So I just need to bide my time.

Just concentrating on these three things have kept me happy for the day, so maybe it will work. Who knows? But it is better than moping around, for I know that there are a lot of people out there who have it worse in life than I do, and I need to be thankful for the things I have.

So yeah. That is my daily post.

Later Dayz.

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Monday, January 10, 2005

That last post is my speech for my english class. PLease tell me what you think.
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“Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.”
Harassment is wrong. Just the sound of the word “harassment” makes my blood boil. For me, harassment stands for the sorrow of one human being, stands for a human being’s feeling of being minute at the hands of another human being’s ego. Yet it is among us every day. What is the purpose of harassment, anyway? It has no larger cause, no significant meaning behind it- just the fact that somebody assumes that they are more superior than somebody else. So why do people act this way? Why do people find so much pleasure and humor out of causing another human being to feel horrid about themselves?
In The Declaration of Independence, the parchment reads “Every man is created equal.” Yet people do not live up to that. Some people feel that if somebody is different, if they do not have the appearance of the media‘s “norm“, or talk like popular people talk, or have the same interests, cultures, or personalities as they do, then those people who are different are lower than the rest of the people. People judge different people before they even get to know them, and group them in with a certain social group, even if they actually do not belong in that group. Besides, what is the use of “social groups” in the first place? Why can’t a student be allowed to fit into all kinds of different “groups”? Some kids just do not fit into one certain classification.
It’s not just people who are our elders, who live on their own in the real world, either. You can find it in any school you enter and observe for a little bit. Every day I walk through the halls in our school and see some poor student getting insulted, minimized. I can sit in a classroom, and when the teacher’s back is turned or when a teacher leaves the room, ignorant students who think they are better than others throw things at students who appear different from the rest, or tell somebody harsh things, or insult those students who are different than the rest. They never grant those different students a rest, even when their actions are brought to the attention of a teacher or the principal. They seem not to care if they get in trouble or not, just so long as they can make themselves feel better about themselves by making somebody else feel lower.
Now, I don’t think it is all the students’ fault, or the people in the real world. Nor do I believe that all the people insult others to make themselves feel better. Sometimes harassment is what we are used to, what we have grown up to see as something that is done. We live in a community that is surrounded by harassment, of one scale or another. You can go home and find that your parents are insulting some company, or some neighbor, or their family member. You can overhear your siblings making fun of one of their classmates. You can find friends in the cafeteria making fun of some kid that doesn’t fit their description of the “norm.” Students seem to be surrounded by harassment nowadays. Our communities have come to the point where we are used to having harassment be a part of our behaviors. A lot of the people nowadays, adults or minors alike, find it allowed to have that kind of behavior. I am not to be excluded from the group that does this harassment. Whether I mean to or not, I find myself making rude comments, just because that is what everybody else is doing. I don’t think half of us do it to actually be mean- we just do it because that is what everybody else is doing.
Does this make it okay though? Does the knowledge of everybody doing it make the action justifiable? Is it alright for people to make fellow human beings, who are made equal from the day they are born, lower than they actually are, no matter the reason we do the harassing? No, it is not alright.
I know for a fact how those people who are insulted day in and day out feel like. Every morning they wake up groaning about having to attend school, for they worry about what kind of torment they have to face from their peers. Those students who are “different” arrive at their school and overhear the rude comments that are pointed at their direction, and either freeze or get angry and lash out at the person who made the comment. Then they get in trouble for lashing out. Soon they lose confidence in themselves, they lose the courage to stand up for themselves. They start to believe the rude comments made about them, and start to consider the actions people have suggested they do. They lose sight of who they are, and only see what people want them to see. They fall in a pitch black, bottomless pit in which they have lost site of the exit.
A man called Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? And if not now, when?”

We, as human beings, as people who are made equal in all aspects, need to listen to Rabbi Hillel. We need to find a way to accept that all people are different, yet that we are equal in rights. We need find a way to terminate all this torment, for that is what harassment is for the people on the receiving end. We cannot cause all this to happen altogether in one great bound, yet we can stop it, taking little baby steps at a time. Maybe in our grandchildren’s generation, or even in our children’s generation, if we take action now, that generation will not have to stress over how somebody looks, or how somebody’s personality is, or what somebody’s interests are, and will look deeper into a person’s soul and see for themselves what that person is really like. we can do that, if we can make the world a better place in some way or another, isn’t that more worth while than wasting our breath on insults? Wouldn’t that be a much better world to live in, where all the colors of a person can be seen, respected, and admired for their differences?


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Friday, January 7, 2005

Ok, time for the positive update. I am getting better at bowling. I am bringing my grades up- gradually. Soon I will get my permit, if my father can pay for me. YAY. Soon Performing Arts will be happening, and I will be in it. Hopefully I will have a good part, and I know I will be singing in it alot, for MIdge- the teacher- already told me she wanted me up front and center in that department.


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Friday, December 17, 2004

This is a poem that isn't finished but I might turn them into song lyrics, so tell me what you think.
Hey this poem is not finished, but tell me what you think please. I might turn them into song lyrics.

I am shaking,
I am quaking in my shoes,
from all the time not spent with you.
We used to hang around and talk
about all the things we could have thought.
We used to kiss and hug and smile-
we thought our love would last a while.
But I was blind and did not see
just how wonderful you were to me.
Now I am alone in this room,
with the glow of blue as my company,
and I type away my thoughts and dreams,
as the world becomes one untold blur.

And I cry . . .

Look at my face,
can't you see the tears falling,
forming a puddle at my bare feet?
Can’t you look me in the eyes
And say what you feel,
For I know you feel what you do.
Just put me away,
Take my misery and my pain.
Because . . .
Without you . . .
I can feel my life begin to wane.
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