Saturday, September 25, 2004

   Need Sleep
Last night I slept for a few hours at most, unrested. I dont remember what I dreamed about, but if I did i'd probably write it in my sleep journal. Friggin Sleep therapy is just starting apparently..and I havent written anything down yet. Basically, for the past couple of years I've slept but havent rested. 1 out of 200 times I sleep do I actually get rested (big guess there). This morning I just wish I hadnt stayed up all last night waiting for someone to come on, but im a moron for not going to bed early. So I woke up this morning and the day before decided to wear something unlike myself, a pink tank top and pink flowerprint skirt..with 1929 style earings. I get dressed and go to put my earings in...and heres what I realized later this afternoon...instead of grabbing the rubbing alcohol I grabbed the nail polish remover and cleaned my ears and earings with it...Im not sure how stupid that is...but it hurt alot later. So yeah...Went to class worked my ass off on my projects...came home for 20 mins then went to work...waited an extra 30 mins for my boss to come and let me in the office, get paid later ...he lets me leave early...go to cruisin grand to see my goth friends...then go see Resident Evil 2 with a buddy of mine. Now Im tired as hell...I have SLEEP written out on the back of my left hand (dont ask) and now I think I will get some well deserved rest.


Ja Ne
AnGeLkIsSeS03
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Friday, September 24, 2004

   meanwhile....
Today I worked on my projects in class until my eyes felt like they'd bleed , so I put on my glasses (which i rarely use for anything, just comp use). I guess people think I look better in them. My brother and I go to the same college majoring in the same program...so that gets old after awhile. College is the only place I feel at place at, I love it but sometimes its hard to really get into my projects with all the intellectual conversations about Politics....Religion...War...Weird Eating habits... Which stresses me out, because religion and politics are just shit another weight on my back....but about the weird eating habbits. Lets start with my friend Tim...He likes to bring Top Ramen every now and then...So he puts the cup (with no water and uncooked) in the fridge before he cooks it in another 4 hours...Yeah...thats not that bad compared to my brother. My brother brings popcorn every day for a snack during breaks. He pops it in the microwave, and as soon as it comes out it goes straight to the freezer where it sits for an hour or two. His lunch consists of a Subway Sandwhich every day (because his bitch of a g/f works at subway), bag of chips, soda, popcorn, and whatever else he can stuff into his mouth. My brother is 6'4 and relatively skinny, but he is always eating or asking me what im doing for lunch about 20 mins before 12 pm. My lunch is whatever I can grab in 20-30 seconds in my kitchen when im already going to be hell of late. So I have to choose....breakfast...or make lunch. Hmmmmm so I grab a poptart shove that in my mouth, then grab a dollar or whatever isnt crawling in my kitchen, for lunch. At this point my body is taking a backseat to school, work, and family bullshit. So now its time to get my 5 1/2 hours of sleep if im lucky enough.

Ja Ne
AnGeLkIsSeS03
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

   Lately...
Lately I feel Ive been getting the bottom of the barrel, and i feel my family goes the extra mile to make me not feel appreciated. They just are so selfish and corrupt, and I wish they could tell me they loved me or atleast appreciated that I do everything they tell me to and fuck I do alot of things normal people my age cant do.

I need appreciation, and i need some sleep because being cynical is clouding my mind. People tell me to just be happy, like its so easy. But as soon as I get home I know why im not and im stuck here. My house feels like a small personal hell. Which is why I try not to be here anymore...college and work keep me occupied. Thats right I work too, I got a job as a secretary for a construction company. So I work afternoons/nights every other day (even fridays). My boss has a crush on me, which kinda creates tension since hes 36 years-old and has a 5 year-old daughter...I think hes cool and I feel something better than depression and loneliness when I'm working with him so I guess thats ok. Work is work, and I keep my personal life out of it so end of story there.

I really wish someone out there reads this and reaches out to me. lol I know foolish hopes, eh.But its worth a try.

Ja Ne
AnGeLkIsSeS03
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004

   In class - Revelation
Wow,

Its funny because I never realized how serious I was about moving out of the USA until I just said it to one of my classmates here in college. We were talking about voting...the cadidates..and all that BS. Whats interesting about it is that she and I are voting for different cadidates,...meanwhile I was going to register to vote online. I got into the topic of my moving away within a year or in the near future. She asked where and I said Finland/Europe. I told her my reasons, which are completely researched and justified. I like the government, low bullshit/stress over there, low grow rate, friendly people, good music, and not to mention the beautiful wintery weather. I'm still im awe that I'll actually do it, even though it will take some time....

Ja Ne
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   BUSY BUSY BUSY
Ahead in most of my classes...flash class is awesome...personal life is wierd ..kinda lonely..but got good friends who are there sometimes. Ummm Im addicted to Diet Pepsi big time at the moment...Im not sure if there is a cure for such a thing as being addicted to soda, but if there is let me in on it k?

Ja ne
AnGeLkIsSeS03
aka Diet Pepsi Nazi
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Thursday, September 9, 2004

   Um
Yep things in college are pretty normal...heavy lectures with little lab time so far. My classes include: Flash, Creative Concepts, and Digital Imaging. So far digital imaging has been the one I'm staying awake in, and Im not sure whether its because its my last class of the day or because Im actually into it. Job search is still pretty vapid, but I interviewed on tuesday with a premier company here in San Diego. They seem a tad sketchy as people because they lack alittle professionalism as a business, I mean after hours= joint rolling and beer drinking time....yeah that leads to minus me when im off the clock. We'll see if they call me back, and I get be their receptionist/secretary. Somehow I dont think I'll be taking their advice...'The sexier you dress the better'. Thats when I try not to laugh or get offended...smile and tell them I have to go home and do my homework like the good little athiest/goth/inbetween girl I am. Oh you didn't hear? Yes I am somewhat goth, even though I don't always wear black lipstick and press-white powder on every inch of my skin doesnt mean that I don't have the mentality nor the views. Its all about mentality. Anywho, stress needs to go down in my house , a part time job, alittle bit of money, and alittle bit of understanding is what I need at the moment. ^_^ Take care!

Ja ne
AnGeLkIsSeS03
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Sunday, September 5, 2004

   Yay for weekends
Yet another drama filled/eventful weekend so far for me. Full of family issues, job searching, personal life bullsh*t and depression. But other than that things seem ok. I'm kinda tired of being left out in my own house. Its not enought that I had to be a longer for three years in High School, but now with the people I live with at home. I dont know at this point if I should keep trying to be a part of my family or just plain ignore them and do whatever I wish. I'm tired of being the responsible one who gets sh*t on all the time, I dont deserve to be the blacksheep. And sometimes it just gets to me, and I really don't understand why.
Ja Ne
AnGeLkIsSeS03
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Friday, September 3, 2004

   Ah..the trials of life
Hmm once again I think im alittle depressed about not finding a job right away. Am I being picky? Probably not since I've applied like crazy for the past month and a half :( I'm applying for both hourly jobs and free lance Graphic Design....and I seem to get little or no feedback. Now that summer is over everyone seems to be going 'back to school' but hey I've actually been in school through the summer...Yes thats right! As soon as I graduated High School in March I got a job that ranged from part-time to full-time. Then I started college within a month of graduation! HA no summer break for me ^_^...so while everyone seem to be laying around on the beach (Southern California)I was taking Finals on Illustration, Typography, and Intro to Graphic Design..heh. So when I lost my job after three months..I focused more on college (like we all should). They say that looking for a job is a fulltime job itself...only you don't get paid. Anywho, so onto a brighter topic. My presentations after finals went well...all my projects were done...and I almost got all postive feedback on my one particulary pain in the ass menu project. Ah oh well. Nothing that alittle chocolate can't fix.

Ja ne
AnGeLkIsSeS03
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Wednesday, September 1, 2004

   Umm Finals Anyone?
Yeah...about writing...it didn't happen last night ^_^ Yes I slacked off, and my readers are probably going to tar and feather me for my horrible cliff hangers! Yay, bring it on. Here is a brief example of their reviews(which are sent directly to me):

"Update! Update! And dont u even think about stoping writing! And thats a threat! j/k"

"Im beging to think you have given up on writing this story. PLEASE! dont give up writing this. It is so interesting, we cant wait much longer! Update real soon like!"

My readers are Oh-so-sweet, and I don't even understand why they like my writing this much. I will TRY to find a way to break into chapter 9 of my fanfic tonight, but after being in lab in college for 11 hours straight with no lunch break I'm kinda on the verge of passing out lol. Oh yay, I had a final in Electronic Layout! With two huge-ass ones tomorrow ;) Presentations are Thursday for my projects...that should be loads of fun. Well thats all for today, time to do something constructive or destructive...j/k.

Ja Ne
AnGeLkIsSeS03

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Tuesday, August 31, 2004

   Why do people write online journals?
I am intrigued by people who write online journals...mainly because they probably have no one else they'd rather talk to about their day therefor "Why not (you ask yourself) ...share my thoughts and feels and daily routine with thousands of perfectly good strangers?" Hmmmm. Seems like a good idea.Maybe its because they have no one to talk to? LOL...or maybe they don't trust others...or quite possibly its some sort of popularity contest on the web *shrugs* who knows who cares...its something interesting to read 60% of the time. Now that I have my first post and since Im in a good mood to write ...i should move on to updating my fanfiction on http://www.fanfiction.net
And since my life is full of complications I won't bother right now to type them up on here. I'd rather complicated them even further..(if thats what I do in my writing)..and put them into fanfiction which I use to express some of my darkest and most tragic thoughts and past events :)Until later...

Ja ne,
AnGeLkIsSeS03
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