Thursday, June 15, 2006

"It takes only once,
To die away,
It takes every minute,
To Brake your own heart.
To fall in love with someone you can't have,
Is to brake your own heart.
It always happens,
To a bitch like me."

I can't believe how bitchy I've been acting. I should be happy for Sion but instead I've been a todall Jaskass like always. why do I always act this way. I geuss it's because I don't want to be alone.
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

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...
Sion must really hate me. He keeps drawing My charecter in his manga like she was some sort of Striper or Hooker... And that's not me.
He also makes fun of my drawing that I drew for my Youth group. It's a pic of the "Sholom House" that's on my churchs proporty. It's special to my youth group because it was are meeting place until lost year.
He always talks about graduating these year. In 2 days, on friday he's leaving and I'll never see him again. And I bet he's glad. Glad that he doesn't have to be near me anymore. He won't have to come to school and put up with me. I know I'm going to be alone next year, everyone is moving. Vicca is even going down for schooling and Catlin is moving to New York or so I think that's it. I'm the only one that will be stuck here and Not even be able to graduate maybe. Next year is My senior year if I even stay in school. I might just drop out if I'm going to be alone....
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Friday, June 9, 2006

   Tired...
I'm so tired today..... I feel like sleeping......
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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Birthday over....
Well, I had a fun birthday. It was a little eggy at a point but it worked out good. Vicca said she was going to come and see me a lunch today but didn't show up. I wonder why not. I hope she didn't get sick from the trip.
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Friday, May 26, 2006

MY BIRTHDAY!!!
Today's my birthday and I already got a presant!!!! 2 anima books! There actuly sneak peak books but I never heard of these titles before... I even found that the person who made Demon Diary also made a manga called Angel Diary...
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Thursday, May 25, 2006

My birthday is tomorrow...
Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm hoping to take my friends to the mall.... it's like a birthday present to me to hang out with them so much. I reall want Sion to come but I also don't want him to not see his Dad, he'll be gone for a year and I don't want Sion to miss out. It's strange how almost everything is revalving around my birthday this year. Today is a momorial survce for one of my mom's and dad's friends who past away last Monday. Now that I think about it, I beleive that that was the day that my Grandma died about 2 years ago. I can't believe it's been that long. even longer was that today is also the day that my Grandfather on my mother's side past away about 3 years ago. I'm kind of a odd ball of the family. Almost everyone close to my family has died around my birthday. I have a damned birthday. I don't understand what it means though. And even more to think about is that they died of illnesses. I think that that will happen every year now and I don't want that to happen. 4 years ago was the start of it all when my Aunt died about a week before my birthday...
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

   My good friend Vicca.....
"I believe that friends are quiet angels,
That will protect you with their wings,
When you forget how to fly,
They will help you get back into the sky."

I was able to get hold of Vicca yesterday and today she came to lunch and we talked a little. It was a little hard because everyone else came over and said hi... But we're going to hang out after school today as well so we can talk more... It almost feels like old times. The only thing that would make it perfect is if Sion and I worn't fighting and all 3 of us could go hang together... But I don't know if that will ever happen now. I hope that we can work something out and Sion and his friend can stop herassing me.
I still feel cut up inside and I don't know how I can feel better but being with Vicca helps. She seems to understand me well. I guess if I was Lez (Don't get me wrong. I'm not.)I might of gone out with her. I guess if I did find someone, (a boy) I would like him to understand like her. Well, I have to get back to work now so I can finish this project I have to do. It's do friday, the same day as my birthday *Deep sigh* almost everything is on my birthday. Of couse, exsept my party with my family which is on Sunday. Also saddly, I don't have enough friends to have a party with them so I'm out of luck. At least I hope my birthday doesn't end up like last year when everyone forgot.


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Monday, May 22, 2006

One Tin Soldier
"I am just a toy thrown to the side of the road."

I found a song that I really love. It's called One Tin Soldier... Here it is....

Listen Children to a story that was written long ago
'bout a kingdom on a mountain and the valley folk below.
On the mountain was a treasure buried deep beneath a stone,
And the people in the valley swore they'd have it for their very own.

Chorus:
Go ahead and hate you neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven, Justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowin' come the judgment day
On that bloody morning after one tin soldier rides away

So the people of the valley sent a message up the hill
Asking for the buried treasure, tons of gold for which they'd kill.
Come an answer from the kingdom: "with our brothers we will share
All the secrets from our mountain, all the riches buried there."

Chorus:
Go ahead and hate you neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven, Justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowin' come the judgment day
On that bloody morning after one tin soldier rides away


Now the valley cried with anger; mount your horses, draw your swords,
And they killed the mountain people, so they won their just reward.
Now they stood beside the treasure on the mountain, dark and red,
Turn the stone and looked beneath it. "Peace on earth" was all it said.

Chorus:
Go ahead and hate you neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven, Justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowin' come the judgment day
On that bloody morning after one tin soldier rides away
*************************************************
It's about a gready village under a mountain that wanted something that a village on the mountain had. The Mountain village said they would share but the valley village wanted it all so a war took place. The valley village won but in the end, the they found that they had killed so many for nothing and that the people who wanted them to be friends with now hated them. To me, this sounds almost like My life at the momment. I'm in a big fight with one of my freinds and though we're not fighting because of a treasure or we're not killing anyone but many people have been being pulled into this and I just don't want anyone else to be as well... It's almost like we're fighting for our own peace that is really different. His is for me to say the hell away from him and mine is to go back to the way things were before.With me, him, and Vicca best freinds again and that we would do fun stuff together. Of course My peace will never come... and I don't know If my friends peace will come until he graguates and moves away this year. Well I hope you liked the song anyway.
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Friday, May 19, 2006

always alone....
I've always been alone... And I really don't know why. People just don't like me at all. And I don't understand. I might do better in Portland or move back to Chicago... It's not like anyone would miss me here if I did leave.
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