myOtaku.com: AnimeAngel993

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1993-06-30
Gender
• Female
Location
• Wouldn't you like to know?
Member Since
• 2006-11-06
Occupation
• Working myself half to death in school and clubs
Real Name
• Willa

Personal

Achievements
• I am a Simon Scholar
Anime Fan Since
• Since I really got into Naruto.
Favorite Anime
• I have many
Goals
• Finding and staying with people who love me for me.
Hobbies
• singing, playing the flute and Saxophone, and writing.
Talents
• being able to do homework from classes that I fall asleep in everyday xD

myOtaku.com: AnimeAngel993

Friday, July 10, 2009

Give a girl too much time to think...
Give a girl too much time to think and everything will either get ten times better,
Or get a hundred times worse.
Somehow I always find a way to make things seem worse for me.
I create problems within myself,
Grab a knife and slowly start slicing the thin tread I’m hanging by.
Why do I do this type of thing to myself?

I wanted to be loved.
The reason I act like someone I’m not is because I know that it’s who everyone wants me to be.
If people saw how I act when I’m alone compared to how I act around them,
Would I be abandoned?
Just the thought scares me.
I don’t want to be alone.
It’s scary.
I scare myself when I have no one to pretend for.

I hate being corny,
Saying things that I know people want to hear.
I hate it,
Because I know one day it won’t be true anymore.

I know that I say a lot of things that I don’t mean.
For example,
I will claim that I fall on ice,
But in reality I am very careful on ice, and I have good balance most of the time so I don’t fall even when I’m not careful.
I also will say that I don’t understand something,
I never raise my hand in class,
Try to dull down my intelligence.
But it’s obvious when I have a high B and still ask for extra credit.
I’m not okay with B’s.
I won’t get attention if I don’t make it through high school with all A’s.
I won’t get attention if I don’t “try”
Even if it’s not something I actually care about,
I do it anyways.

I do things for other people only because I know it’s improves their image of me
When I read what the teachers said about me in the recommendation for the simion scholarship I laughed and smiled.
Their image of me was exactly what I wanted it to be.
I honestly think dating is stupid.
I could never trust someone enough to actually let them fully know me,
And I know that love isn’t real.
I like to publically show affection simply because then I know what’s happening.
It’s just another show.
But when we’re alone,
Face to face,
I don’t like it.
It seems pointless when there aren’t people watching.
Dating is so stupid.
Really.
I don’t understand couples that make it last.
Why do they keep the act going that long?
Why stay once you’ve had a fight?
Or have a problem in the relationship?
I don’t like to do more than I necessarily have to.
I feel like a fool if I do.
It’s stupid really.
I really do get depressed sometimes,
But I always know that I can pull myself up if I want to.
But of course I end up wanting to wait for a prince to come and save me.
“I’m not that weak” I want to say when someone tries to help me.
But of course I keep that inside,
Since they only came to save me because I gave the impression that I needed saving.
I’m a lot stronger than I look.
But I still try to cause the lease amount of conflict as possible.
When someone says something that’s incredibly stupid and insulting,
I laugh.
Rather than insult them back.
I would never allow someone to know my weaknesses.
I hide them.
If I saw a boyfriend cheating on me,
I wouldn’t say anything, and would break up with them soon after without explanation.
If my girlfriend or boyfriend flirted with someone else in front of me,
I would pretend not to notice.
Even though I actually am screaming for attention.
I hurt myself,
Because I want someone to notice that I am sad.
I laugh,
Because I want to be noticed for being happy.
There are only a few people…
Who even know a bit about me.

No, the others have noticed by now,
Maybe they just haven’t told me they know.
Like the day I was wearing a shirt with a hole in it.
I was laughing as I told Nic that I found it amusing no one had noticed the hole all day,
And he said “I noticed I just didn’t say anything”
Could they have noticed?
How could they notice these things before I did?
Then again that seems to happen a lot with me.
I’ll spend too much time noticing the things around me that I won’t notice the things about myself until far too late.
But every now and then,
I’m given too much time to think.
And I either make things seem ten times better,
Or a hundred times worse.

(This used to be a LOT longer, but I cut out the really personal stuff.)
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