Tuesday, February 20, 2007

   . . . h a p p i n e s s . . .
first of all...billy and mandy scares that shit out of me...

hi hi hi! i'm happy! dan and i aren't fighting anymore! ^.^

so ya'll saw that he called me while i was at work the other day, which sucked! lol...so i finally got him to call me back but i was in a car where the radio was loud and everyone was yelling...so yeah...he had to call me back later...

on sunday night my chuc=rch and the church we do basically everything with had our annual lock in and i went to that. so we stayed up all night and went nutts! it was so much fun! me and kevin should never ever watch pleasentville together ever ever ever again! i will never be able to think about trees the same way ever ever again!!! ^.^ lol! we're determined to go to school one day in black and white.

so back to me and dan! i didn't have school yesterday so i went over to his house so we could talk face to face. i like taking pictures of him with my phone when he isn't paying attention...anyways! so we didn't really talk until i had to go to work. but yeah, mostly we just looked at each other, got into tickle fights, and he stole my gum, AGAIN! lol...^.^ so his mom was nice and drove us both to safeway(where i work, it blows it blows) and we goofed off for a while before i had to start work. we talked at safeway and then he hit my leg...damn it...i cut on friday...i didn't even think...i was thinking about dan and how i didn't want to deal with matt or with all the stuff aldo is trying and i found a new box cutter and wala! ugh...alex found out and he flipped! =( dan said that i'm not allowed to do that anymore. i scared myself though...i didn't even think...ugh...

anyways! i'll talk to ya'll later! bye bye! ?blonde
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Sunday, February 18, 2007

   . . . w o r k . . . m i s s e d . . . c a l l . . .
dang it dang it dang it! dan called me back finally but i was at work and i didn't even feel my phone go off!!! :'( i'm so sad! i'm afraid to call him back! i'm afraid of what he'd say to me...
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Saturday, February 17, 2007

   . . . b a d . . . b a d . . . b a d . . .
i hate valentines day...nothing ever ever goes right for me! okay so i got stuff for masha and kayleigh and alex for valentines day but no one else. dan hadnt' talked to me in about a week and i figured it was his way of telling me he wasn't interested anymore so i texted him one last time and said that i was done trying to figure out what was up and bye. so he texts me back at 3:40 AM!!! freaking AM!!! and says that his phone had been dead and he hadn't been able to find it and that he was sorry and he promised that i would see him on valentines day(later that day). so aldo asked me out, AGAIN!!! and this time there were a dozen roses on top of my bass clarinet case which i there for had to carry around school ALL day and i didn't want them!!! so i got home then had to go work. so when i get to work and am waiting to clock in i text dan and tell him i don't know when it is he's planning on coming to see me since i'm at work until late. so we got into a fight. i was stupid and a bitch. so the fight grew and grew and grew. it's still going on right now actually. but anyways! so after i got home from and him breaking his promise by not coming to see me i was pissed. we kept getting into it, he was trying to back off and not fight but i was ticked and kept picking at him. i hung up on him 3 times and he told me that all texts from me are on auto delete until i can call him and talk civally like a cival person. i was crazy that night, i acted so stupid. i cried myself to sleep. so i tried calling him twice the next day but he didn't pick up either time so the last time i left a voice mail and tried to apologize. but he still didn't call back so after i got done seeing your a good man charlie brown at school i called him again and apologized yet again on a voice mail. i'm starting to get mad, i don't want to be. i don't want to be fighting with dan! so the day after valentines day i'm waiting for my mom to pull her car out of the garage to take me to school and see new foot prints in the snow leading to the door that weren't there before. so i follow and find a rose from matt...with a note attatched that says he's sorry and still loves me...ugh!!! i don't need the freaking drama!!! so i've got to deal with him and deal with the dissapointment of most likely losing dan as a friend and love! silvia's right, i should just lay off on guys for a while and go lesbian for a while. not that there's anyone in school i'd be interested in besides silvy. oy...i want barbie girl to start going off...dan's ring tone...naruto's about to start so i'll let ya'll go...
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Thursday, February 15, 2007

   i want to cry...
my computer was being stupid yesterday so i couldn't get on to post or nothing! so i'll have to update ya'll later cause i'm in chemistry and yeah...i'll talk to ya'll later and it'll be A LOT since yesterday sucked and so many things happened its not even FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

   . . . s i n g l e a w a r e n e s s d a y . . .
I HATE VALENINES DAY!!!
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Monday, February 12, 2007

   . . . r a c o o n . . . s o f a . . . t r a c t o r . . .
okay! sooooooooooo! i got a concussion this morning! and no i wasn't skateboarding off a building or anything like that, i can't skateboard, matt never taught me! noooo! i was trying to get to the bathroom so i wouldn't throw up on my bedroom floor! i've been sick this past week and we all know how that goes! certain smells make you feel as though your going to up chuck! well apparently my magic combonation this morning was my perfume and the hair spray i use to crazyness my hair in the morning to disguise bed head! ewwwwwwwie! so i'm like tripping towards the bathroom then suddenly i'm laying on my back near the tub with my mom leaning over me FREAKING OUT!!! I DON'T REMEMBER A BLEEPING THING!!! so yeah that was fun...i felt something trickling down the side of my face so i put my hand up and bring it back to see BLOOD!!! and my wrist all scrapped up. i split my freaking eyebrow open! i must have smacked my chin on something pretty good because it hurts like none ohter! pretty sure i bit my tongue too...owwwwie! so my mom took me to the hospital! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! NOT!!! i hate hospitals! they make me nervous!!! =( i was afraid i was going to have to get stitches! I HATE NEEDLES!!! I CAN NOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH!!! when i was 4 a nurse got a needle STUCK IN MY ARM and all she did, get this, IS LAUGH!!! I'M FOUR FREAKING YEARS OLD AND YOU JUST GOT A NEEDLE STUCK IN ME LADY!!! GET IT OUT!!! ='( but yay no stitches for alex! but i did get asked a lot of silly questions i don't know the answer to in the first place! sure i know the last time i had my period but i don't give a $hit who the governer of colorado is or who the vice president is! lol...but he gave me 3 things to remember until 5 minutes later, racoon, sofa, & tractor! lol! yay no fun! so yeah i'm a little messed up right now! i'm also pretty sure i gave dan a heart attack! i was waiting for my mom to finish getting dressed to take me to the hospital and i texted him and was like: "i'm going to the hospital now so i'll talk to you later!" lol! yeah thats how weird i was! i was examining things i see everyday like i'd never seen them before! i've gotta go! nighty nights!
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   . . . concusion . . . W e e e e e e e e . . .
yeah...so i got a concussion today!!! not too much fun!!! lol! tell yous more later! i gotta pays attention to chem!!!
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Wednesday, February 7, 2007

   . . . d y k e a n d h a n d c u f f s . . .
alrighty...i got called a dyke on monday :'( this complete a$$hole prep keeps giving me crap almost everyday at school. i have an "I <3 LESBIANS" patch on my back-pack and i'm out about being bi at school, which in this case makes life hard. so anyways! monday during lunch i walked past caleb, the prep jacka$$, and i heard "DYKE!!!" and looked back to see caleb smiling his a$$ off.so it really upset me...i HATE HATE HATE the word DYKE!!! i don't really care if you call me a lesbian or something along those lines, but DYKE crossed the line. i have chemistry with him and my friends kayleigh & masha. masha knew about it since i always spend lunch with her but kayleigh didn't know. so in chem kayleigh and masha sit next to me and caleb sits in the row behind us. when i told kayleigh he'd called me a DYKE she got out of her seat so fast i couldn't stop her! SHE SLAPPED CALEB!!! i couldn't watch i knew what was going to happen and i just put my head down on my desk and was crying. she yelled at him for like 5 minutes and orton let her do all of it! orton told me that if he keeps harrassing me to come talk to him, and i will because i know orton will actually try to help unlike the office who doesn't give a $hit!

so dan is really really sick and that happened monday when caleb called me a DYKE. after school masha literaly pulled me out of the shower to go see dan. she knew that both me and him needed to see each other so we could feel better. so, while i was there dan's brother will got arrested! the cops came to the house and said there was a warrent for his arrest and they took him away! i'm not sure what happened yet. i didn't realize until last night that i might have cut if masha hadn't taken me to dan's. i told him thank you for taking care of me and then i explained. he said: "idc what u r just don't mutilate urself. your to beautiful to have gashes all over urself" he's a total sweetheart and you would never guess by looking at him. :) when the cops came to come get will i asked dan if he wanted me to stay so his parents watched us argue and then i pushed him upstairs so he'd stop freezing and get sicker. so i walked home from his house after putting him to sleep with a back rub and it took me an hour to get home. walking home and spending nearly 5 hours with a really sick guy got me sick so yeah...not fun...
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Sunday, February 4, 2007

   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
ok lots for me to tell you guys. this is a post i wrote on jan 23 but never got around to putting up:
so...dun dun dun!!! CHRIS ASKED ME OUT!!! YAY!!! but he's always asking me whats wrong...lol...i'm scared of getting too hopeful and getting too attatched to him and then having him end up like everyother guy i know. yesterday i was talking to him and asked what we are to each other and he asked if i wanted him to tell me what i am to him and i said yes. he sent: you are someone that i adore i have strong feelings for you and i want to get to know you better. i said to just make sure he doesn't forget me and i think i scared him accidentally. he called and asked what that was supposed to mean and i couldnt' figure out how to tell him until later that night. whenever a guy tells me that he really likes me he doesn't usually mean it and then he forgets about me and i hate being so invisible...whenever me and him are together he's always checking to see if my eyes are green because i told him about it and he wants to keep my eyes green. today i asked him how he was and he said: tired and a bit cold because you werent in my arems last night. isn't he cute? i was at his house today and we were laying on the couch cuddling facing each other and we both fell asleep. he's like me and twitches which woke me up and i got to watch him sleep for a while. i didn't mean to wake him up when i moved my hand to his face and started stroking his cheek but i did, woopsie! i don't want to be scared but no one else has shown me that all guys aren't the same. i really don't want anything to happen to make me lose him, i haven't felt like this since i was going out with matt, except when he started not trusting me to take care of myself, and that was a long time ago. i've been hurt so many times that i'm afraid to be myself around guys and that ruins things all the time...and i don't want that to happen with chris but i'm scared...he wants me to really try to be myself around him all the time, he says the better friends we are the better this will work and i really hope so!

yeah...happyness didn't last long...2 days later we broke up... :"(

one thing i don't think i told ya'll...chris...does drugs...i hate it...it scares me so much!!! i don't want anything to happen to him!!! i still care about him so much but i won't be with him if he's still doing drugs...so yeah we got into it on the 25...he said he's careful and knows what he's doing so he'll be ok but THAT DOESN'T MATTER!!! no matter how careful you are or how much you think you know IT CAN STILL KILL YOU!!! but he won't listen...he said he'll take the risk of dying...so yeah...this all happened while i was at work and all i wanted to do was just go home, curl into a ball, and cry...

something is happening between me and my friend dan however...crazy boy...kissing a guy with a tongue ring and a lip ring is...interesting...lol...but he's amazing...i don't know how to describe him persay...hot just sounds to stereo typical and adorable doesn't quite do it either, neither does cute, besides cute i what he calls me...
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Monday, January 22, 2007

   Right Here by Sessy514
alright my friend sessy514 wrote a poem and i think it's really good so here it is, i want other people who aren't his friends to read it because it's good.

No matter where you go, I'll be right here

To ease your pain and kill your fear.

So don't fear cuz without a doubt

I'll stick by ur side and won't bail you out

So do not fear for I am here

To ease your pain and kill your fear

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