Monday, March 19, 2007

   i love this song!!! ^.^
T.A.T.U. All the things she said

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
This is not enough
I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost
If I'm asking for help it's only because
Being with you has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?
I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free
Nobody else so we can be free
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
(All the things she said)
This is not enough
Ya Soshla S Uma - Ma!
This is not enough
All the things she said
All the things she said
And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
This is not enough
This is not enough
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said, she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind
Daddy looking at me
Will I ever be free?
Have I crossed the line?
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
This is not enough
This is not enough
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said.
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   roger
OK, so my relationship with my dad isn't the greatest. i finally sat down and wrote him the email i've been telling myself i would write for years. he's going to take it out on my mom, i know he is, but i HAD TO DO IT! here it is :

So, by now you know that you lost your case.  Bo ho how sad for you.  You assume that I don't know where half my clothes and some of the food I eat comes from, you're a dumb ass.  I know you don't love me, I only love you because you're my dad, because your supposed to love your parents, and because grandma asked me to love you no matter what you did.    You ashamed of me because I'm bi, because I like girls.  WELL I DON'T CARE!  My best friend is GAY!  I couldn't get through life without Alex, he helps me live!  I can tell him ANYTHING and EVERYTHING!  I HATE parents who are ashamed of their kids, their bi kids, their lesbian daughters, their gay sons.  Alex's parents hate the fact that he's gay, his dad has hurt him because he's gay!  Mom accepts me for who I am, she isn't ashamed of me and she isn't trying to change who I am, and for that I love her more than words can say!  But you, you tried to use my being bi against mom!  You tried to get out of paying child support because I'm bi, and that’s fucked up!  And yes I am cussing at you but I don't care!  I have to tell you these things because I've been holding them inside for years.  When I found out about Randi from grandma I was overjoyed and completely crushed at the same time!  I LOVED the fact that I had a little sister, but I HATED the fact that you DIDN'T TELL ME OR RAE FOR 2 YEARS!!!  You guys promised that you would tell us when Bri was born, but yet again you didn't!  And your reason not to is SHIT!!!  We had school to get ready for and homework and classes happening, we couldn't send you every little detail of our lives, not that you would have noticed anyways!  You have never given me a reason to love you!  You've never been here for me, never been in my life.  I don't even remember you from when mom and you were still together.  But I would NEVER rearrange my life to put you into it.  As much as I wish I had grown up with 2 parents, with a dad that loved me, I got all that I needed from mom.  Because she loves me and I know that she does.  We may get into fights and say things that we don't mean but we always pull through.  I hate the thought that you are ashamed of me, but I can't let that rule my life.  I wish to god you weren't but I know that you are, even if you told me you weren't I know you are because you used that fact to try and get out of child support for your bi daughter.  You are an alcoholic Roger, you NEED to see this.  Even if you don't care, you need to know that that’s one reason I hate you.  I hate that you never care that I'm alive.  You never care.  If you did care you would know about the boyfriends I've had, the dresses I've worn to dances with friends, my heartbreaks, the tears I've cried over things from scrapped knees and elbows, to fights with boyfriends and friends, to me getting a concussion and splitting my eyebrow open.  You would know about plans with friends to go to gay prom in Denver, the dress I'm planning to wear, the hat and tie, the pink high heels, the fact that my date is Silvia, a girl, even though she's just a friend.  You would know about me being scared everyday that James is stuck in Maryland that he might kill himself & me and Alex wouldn't know because his parents took his phone.  You would know that I'm scared every time Alex goes home because if his dad does something like in January I don't know what I would do!  I would be so lost without him, without James, the 2 gay boys that I completely and utterly love.  I have pride in the person I am, and if your ashamed of me and who I am than so be it.  I can't change that fact, I can't make you stop thinking that or stop you from drinking or stop you from lying.  All I can do is continue living my life the way I have for years.

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Friday, March 16, 2007

   ehhhhhhhhhh......................
AND NO GOD DAMN IT I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING CUT SO LAY THE FUCK OFF!!!
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   RAWR translation!
=3 ich will dich essen!!

translation =

=3 i want to eat you!!
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   T.T
i feel like crying...

dan's being an asshole...he came to skyline today, to see me is what he said. he payed maybe 2 minutes worth of attention to me and then completely ignored the rest of the time until the bell rang for my lunch to end so i just left for class. he payed more attention to russianllama than me! not that i'm blaming her for anything. its not her fault. he caught up to me when i was walking down the hall and tried to be a dork and get me to look at him and laugh but i ignored him. so he's just going whats this? huh? then he started to talking to some one else!!! he's being such an ass. i had to go outside for german and he was out on smokers hill with devin. the bell rang for that class to end and i walked to chem, where i am now. he saw me and started running towards me and was going alex alex but i just walked inside.

i don't think its right when you only pay attention to your girlfriend when the rest of your entertainment has gone away....

i wanna go home...lay in bed in a ball...and cry...
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Thursday, March 15, 2007

   tara tara tara tara tara tara...
stupid scanner is a peice of shit! it isn't behaving...i'll try to get some sketches up...no promises...i'ma gonna post more of my story for those of you who care...-cough cough-simpleplanluver-cough cough-
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   RAWR!!!
:3 ich will dich essen!!!
Comments (1) | Permalink

   Duh Duh DUH!!!
AHAHAHAHAHA!!! i'm alive....

ok!! so!! russianllama is sunburned on her face as am i but hers hurts more than mine and i keep making her laugh and it hurts more. she keeps getting people to dis her by going my face hurts. so i'm like stop laughing, your face hurts, and ITS KILLING ME!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ^.^

i love dissing russianllama because she loves me and makes me laugh!

so dan actually was at his house last night so wah i didn't have him to cuddle with, the first time about 3 or 4 days, we couldn't remember how many nights he's come to my house O.o so both of us had a lot of trouble sleeping last night...

i had pudding for breakfast...so i'm hyper and me and russianllama and val were going nuts at lunch!

dude i might get to work at dairy queen with russainllama val and chris!!! that would be so fucking awesome!!! ^.^
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Monday, March 12, 2007

   WAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok so for the past 5 minutes orooreo was going on and on about gum to austin but he was the way accross the room and she didn't even know! LMAO!!! x . x i finally had to tell her and now i can't stop laughing and i think i'm gonna pee myself! omg!! you can so tell that i only got 2 hours of sleep this morning!

for the only 2 hours of sleep i got blame DAN!!! ^.^ i <3 that kid but he's making me psycho with no sleep. i did not think that kid could fit through my window cause he's not fat but he's tall and got muscle and i wasn't sure he would even fit through my window but he did! lol!

ok so his friend devin lives 2 blocks away from me and dan stayed at devins last night. so they came to my house to bug the shit out of me! lol! they tried to dump me in the pool of the apartment buildings across the street! brrrrr!!! but my momma saved me.

so i was getting ready for bed, was about you know lay down and go to sleep around midnight and dan texts me and says to come outside. so i got into the living room and look outside and him and devin are walking into my front yard! lol! i told him he was nuts but i put my high tops on and grabbed my hoodie and got out of my window. we walked around and then i said i needed to go back home. so around 12:40 ish in the morning i get a text from dan saying - i think i made a decision. so i asked about what and he goes - will u b mine? he told me he doesn't rush into things so i was all i thought you don't rush into things. and he said he made a decision. so i asked why now? and he told me no more questions, yes or no. so i was like - why no more questions? i have a right to ask. so he goes and i have a right to an answer, so? and i said - yeah an dhave a right to ask questions because it involves me too. why did you choose now to ask? and he goes - cuz i decided. no more questions. yes or no. so i was all - i HATE answering these qestions through text...and i do, i hate when people ask you out through text! i don't know why but it just bugs me... anyways!!! he told me to call but thats not much better and i told him so.

so he said he was going to come to my house!!! O.O so i was like no its too cold out side you'll freeze and i bet devin doesn't want to walk around. so he says no it's not and i'm coming alone! AHHHH! so i just kinda kept telling him it was too cold but it didn't work. around 2 i got a text saying he was on his way . . . lol . . . so he texts me and goes window and i'm trying to wake up and find my hoodie since i was asleep and laying in bed. so i crawled onto my dresser infront of my window and opened the sucker back up. so dans standing on this old recycling thing and he's face to face with me. and i kept telling him he is crazy and he'd go - for you . . . ah so cute! ^.^

so i told him he's crazy and its 2 in the morning. he said - yeah but you know this is romantic ^.^

HE ALSO DECIDED TO SEE IF HE'D FIT IN MY BEDROOM WINDOW!!! AHHHHHH! but he fit! lol! i didn't think he was going to, so don't tell him that, he'll think he's fat! =P lol

so he stayed with me until like 4 : 30 and then he left. we were just laying on my bed. it was safe feeling . . . and then he had to leave and i wasn't sure if i'd be able to get back to sleep.

he stole this shirt that jareth gave me, its really cool, it's white with black and gray dragons on it. so i stole his second shirt he was wearing and i have been walking around all day swimming in this shirt! its so big that me and russianllama can fit into it at the same time!!! haha! i keep wrapping it around me and then just randomly opening it! lol! i'm dork...i need sleep...

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Saturday, March 10, 2007

   pop goes the weasel!!! ^.^
lol . . . don't ask cause i don't know . . .

i'm a weirdo!

so this week is staff appreciation week so we get to dress however we want!! X.X so today i walked into safeway wearing black guy shorts, my skater shoes tied backwards, and a grey shirt with a way cool heart with wings and rose and fire design on it and a red and greys striped longsleeve shirt on underneath and there was nothing they could do about it. X.X

i thought i was going to have to tell billy to take a picture, it lasts longer. lol! he wouldn't stop staring at me! -blushes- he said that i needed to stay and do his job for him! O.o so i was like well what do i get if i do your job? and he goes i dunno what would you want? I WALKED AWAY!!! i couldn't say what i wanted to say! i wanted to say his number! i added him playin in the rain with me then james added a kiss to my list . . . which i would not protest . . .
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