Saturday, January 20, 2007

   late nights and sharp knifes
yet again me and chris stayup forever talking ^.^ thursday we were up until 3AM, 3AM!!! lol! the next day i was fine at school it was weird! i was only a little tired but my mind was on snooze! um...matt's starting stuff with me again and i'm sick of it! he called me in the middle of my algebra class yesterday!!! so the second time he called i picked up the phone and said this: i'm in class idiot knock it off! so when i got out off class and on my lunch hour i called him back and he picked up. so i was like what do you want matt? and he goes what do you mean? so i said what do you want matt and he said f**k this and hung up!! he's the one that called me in the first freaking place! he called me on like tuesday night i think it was and asked when i had days off so i told him thinking he was going to finally pull together and talk to me face to face but he didn't. so i called him back 3 times and he didn't pick up to so the last time i left a message on his answering machine along the lines of this: i don't know what you want from me matt! you call me in the middle of class and when i call you back you hang up! i can't do this anymore! i'm sick of the way your treating me! i'm done so i give up! and that was that he hasn't tried calling back and i don't really want him too. i'm glad that alex told me to learn from my past and not to try and trust that matt would really love me still and to just let it go otherwise i would have been stupid and not realized what a great guy chris is. he's amazing to me. he's one of the first guys i've told about me cutting. he didn't freak out on me and i appreciated that so much i can't even tell you! i told alex the same night(thursday) and he flipped out on me so badly...it scared the shit out of me...i was hoping that i wouldn't flip to badly on chris...but he helped me talk to alex and heal things. me and alex have never gotten into a fight like that, it was so bad! we have a class together, u.s. government, and when he got in the class he came right to his seat and gave me the biggest hug. chris attempted to hang himself in the 6th grade. when he told me i was glad that he trusted me enough to tell me and that we had something else in common though i've never cut deep enough to actually have the possibility of dying. it made me sad to hear that he had almost killed himself. i'm glad his brother cut him down in time, i like him a lot he's an amazing guy. he made me promise that if i ever felt like i needed to cut to just call him and talk it out. i know that its a problem and i know that its gotta stop and i'm working on that, that's something i had to get accross to alex and i did so thats something that helped. i've gotta go so i'll talk to ya'll later!
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