Sunday, February 4, 2007

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ok lots for me to tell you guys. this is a post i wrote on jan 23 but never got around to putting up:
so...dun dun dun!!! CHRIS ASKED ME OUT!!! YAY!!! but he's always asking me whats wrong...lol...i'm scared of getting too hopeful and getting too attatched to him and then having him end up like everyother guy i know. yesterday i was talking to him and asked what we are to each other and he asked if i wanted him to tell me what i am to him and i said yes. he sent: you are someone that i adore i have strong feelings for you and i want to get to know you better. i said to just make sure he doesn't forget me and i think i scared him accidentally. he called and asked what that was supposed to mean and i couldnt' figure out how to tell him until later that night. whenever a guy tells me that he really likes me he doesn't usually mean it and then he forgets about me and i hate being so invisible...whenever me and him are together he's always checking to see if my eyes are green because i told him about it and he wants to keep my eyes green. today i asked him how he was and he said: tired and a bit cold because you werent in my arems last night. isn't he cute? i was at his house today and we were laying on the couch cuddling facing each other and we both fell asleep. he's like me and twitches which woke me up and i got to watch him sleep for a while. i didn't mean to wake him up when i moved my hand to his face and started stroking his cheek but i did, woopsie! i don't want to be scared but no one else has shown me that all guys aren't the same. i really don't want anything to happen to make me lose him, i haven't felt like this since i was going out with matt, except when he started not trusting me to take care of myself, and that was a long time ago. i've been hurt so many times that i'm afraid to be myself around guys and that ruins things all the time...and i don't want that to happen with chris but i'm scared...he wants me to really try to be myself around him all the time, he says the better friends we are the better this will work and i really hope so!

yeah...happyness didn't last long...2 days later we broke up... :"(

one thing i don't think i told ya'll...chris...does drugs...i hate it...it scares me so much!!! i don't want anything to happen to him!!! i still care about him so much but i won't be with him if he's still doing drugs...so yeah we got into it on the 25...he said he's careful and knows what he's doing so he'll be ok but THAT DOESN'T MATTER!!! no matter how careful you are or how much you think you know IT CAN STILL KILL YOU!!! but he won't listen...he said he'll take the risk of dying...so yeah...this all happened while i was at work and all i wanted to do was just go home, curl into a ball, and cry...

something is happening between me and my friend dan however...crazy boy...kissing a guy with a tongue ring and a lip ring is...interesting...lol...but he's amazing...i don't know how to describe him persay...hot just sounds to stereo typical and adorable doesn't quite do it either, neither does cute, besides cute i what he calls me...
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